Child Support and Marriage Questions

[hagatha]

Eva,

You wrote the last hearing in Oct was for visitation contempt that you filed against each other. I am wondering what you were filing contempt for, I can probably guess he was filing because of missed visits.

Also, you stated you both agreed to your moving and lesser visits, Did you file an amended order with the court?

The Witch
Remember . . . KARMA is a Wonderful Thing!!!!!

[chipmunk226]

He won't agree to do any transportation, regardless of the decrease. First off, he won't get a license so he doesn't have to do transportation (he's 30), so in a sense, I had to agree to 100% transportation or I wouldn't have been able to move. The reason I moved was because my husband is in the military and he was stationed in MD. After he got out we decided to stay. I bet your wondering why I don�t just move back, right? :P My husbands line of work is in the DC area and he makes pretty good money. There isn�t a job like his available in Philly.

I have said to him that he could pick up Eli from school if he came and picked him up from here in MD and then I would get him from Philly because he is always complaining how late he gets to Philly. But no dice. He would rather me take him out of school early. He also thinks it only takes 1 1/2 - 2 hours to go 180 miles.

So what your saying is I most likely will not get and increase, but he probably would be entitled to a decrease? So, should I just cancel the hearing or play dumb and not show up with my husband�s income info?  

About the contempt�s. I was in the wrong and so was he. Mine was worst though. I will keep in brief. The original order was 2 weekends a month, dad�s discretion and then 9 weeks in the summer, basically his whole summer break. We started in Jan of �04 and everything was fine until he disagreed with when Eli last day of school would be. The day he is dropped off for the summer is based on the last day of school. Since he was in daycare in another county, the date was different than the county school schedule. He didn�t agree. So I tried to compromise, but he wasn�t happy so he kept him when he had him Memorial Day weekend until 8/8.

 I was told that I could file in MD and he would have to come here. So I stopped following the order because I was stupid thinking that would actually work. I was thinking this would be resolved by Xmas. But since his dad ignored the MD filings and summons to respond, it dragged out over a year; in the meantime he filed contempt in PA. I actually have a default final order in MD that I could use, but what�s the point? He would be following PA and I would be following MD and it�s not worth the trouble anymore.

There is no way I can keep affording to drive back and forth, and I don't mean just financially. I am getting to the point where all I see me doing is contributing to the problem because his father will never give up. Not saying that he should. He has rights, but he is extremely difficult to work with and keeps fighting to get sole custody when there are absolutely no grounds to do so.  There is no compromising with him. I am sure you have heard this all before and probably have your own horror story. But I and my family is suffering over this. I hate to give up, because that�s what it is, but I cannot got through the next 12 years of my life going to court every 1 or 2 years because he doesn�t like what doctor I take him too, or what medicine I say he needs etc. I have to think about my family and my other kids and not just my son.

Even though here in MD, my son goes to a better school and is a better environment structurally, financially, emotionally, environmentally etc., I feel like I am just contributing to his detriment. Every day I ask myself what I keep fighting for. I used to easily say that it's because in Philly, he will live in a bad neighborhood, have to rely solely on public transportation, go to one of the worst schools in the city and be around his father�s family who are just not good people and are at or below the poverty level and are doing nothing to do better. Not saying you have to be rich to have kids, not at all, but they will by clothes than buy food. They will have a party and buy weed and alcohol instead of saving their money.

Well, thanks for letting me vent and all of your help. At least now I will be prepared for the worst.

[catherine]

as far as "So, should I just cancel the hearing or play dumb and not show up with my husband�s income info?"

No one here is telling you to play dumb.  You have to bring your income tax returns usually to re-evaluate CS.  Why are you trying to do this?  He files for sole and visitaiton interference and you file for more CS?  Isn't that adding to fuel the fire between you and your ex?  And how could you get an order in MD if the PA courts did not let jurisdiction go?  I don't blame you for not wanting to go to court time and time again.  As a CP, it is your duty to FACILITATE the relationship between child and NCP and no matter what you think of your ex, he has a fundamental right to spend time with his child too and to make decisions regarding his DR and "what medicine YOU give him".  You say you have to think of your family....no you have to think of your son, and how it is his best interests to see his father.  If the ex is a jerk, your son will figure it out eventually.

[chipmunk226]

You know, I had started to type out this really long post trying to explain everything, but it�s not worth it.

I have tried to facilitate a relationship with his father but he is a miserable and vindictive person who likes to get me upset. So I don�t let him anymore and I distance myself. I don�t even talk to him on the phone and will only send emails. He doesn�t want his son with him, he just wants him from me because he knows that is the only way he can hurt me. He likes to stir up drama just because.

When I said play dumb, it was half in jest. Obviously, I wouldn't have filed for a modification if knew it wouldn't go in my favor. It would be a waste of time, for me, him and the courts. I have to drive to Philly, take my son out of school for a day to go. (I have to take my son because there is no one to watch him here overnight and my husband leaves for work at 4:30 am.)

No one is trying to cause any fire. Is it not my right to try to get a modification just like him filing for contempt whenever he wants? When our case came up for our 3 year review, he had not had a job for 9 months and was actually trying to get a decrease due to his unemployment. So now I want my review along with the other reasons.  

The reason MD gave a final order is because he never contested jurisdiction here. So they issue an order by default. But, it means nothing because when my son is in PA, he would just follow the PA order, so it would cause more trouble than its worth.

I just want to be able to live my life without having to deal with and @hole every two weeks. But I had a kid by this jerk and now I have to deal with it, and I am trying to do the best I can. Yes, he has a right to be with his father, even though when my son goes to his dad�s he undermines everything I tell my son as far as respecting my family and his behavior towards others. So when my son comes back, he is defiant for the first week back. Then, he gets back on track and then he goes to his dad�s and the cycle repeats itself. He does this because he wants me to break down and just give my son to him. He knows he will never get it from the courts until he can brainwash my son like he did his daughter, to tell a judge that he wants to live with his dad.

In regards to medication. It doesn�t matter what I do, he will go against it to have a reason to go to court. My son is allergic to cats. I got him tested and the only thing he has a severe reaction to is cats. So what does his dad do? Get a cat and tell my son he is sick because of the trees in MD. He finally just started giving him his medicine, but then doesn�t give it to him the day he comes back so he is always sick. I can�t prove or disprove him giving it to him.

So yeah, I will sit back and wait for my son to see his blatant lies, but this guy is good at manipulating. He makes my son feel guilty by not being loyal to him. I have him in counseling, but so far it just seems I have people that just want to put my son on drugs to solve his problems, and I am not having it. So in the meantime, I have to subject him to bull for the next, what, 6 or 7 years until he figures it out? By that time, who knows what damage this whole back and forth is going to cause? But oh well, it�s best for him to see his dad, right?

[catherine]

But oh well, it�s best for him to see his dad, right?


YES.