New to this, fighting for my childrens needs

[QballArt]

Hello all,

I am seperated from my wife and am in the final throws of divorce/custody battles. My wife wanted to take the kids back to Arizona from here in NY when she filed for divorce. She claimed that there was emotional and physical abuse. The Judge through it out, and made this ruling " if she leaves i get full custody, if she stays we get joint with her being the primary custodial." This seemed great at first but ended up being a nightmare, as she is still not working with me on raising our children.
4 Days before our house sold (which she had lived in since the seperation, i paid all the bills) she bolted  to Arizona and leaving the kids with me. She left for 3 weeks and when she came back she was planning on living in a house with 7 other people. That makes 12 people and 2 dogs in a small house, i put a stop to that and she moved in a place of her own, with her father's help.
She is making it impossible for me to work with her on the children. Making doctor appointments without me, asking for more money than is reasonable, talking down about me to children, her friends are doing the same to the children, keeping me only in the loop as she absolutely has to. The children don't want to live with her, or half of them, they constantly fight when they are with her, with her and eachother. They are having problems sleeping. She drags them to tothers houses 5 out of seven nights a week.

I am just wanting us both to work on the children together, but from what I have read i am affraid of being a statistic, of another father being screwed by the courts. What do i do. My lawyer does what she has to, but nothing more it seems BTW. She doesn't respond to me most of the time.

Thanks in advance.

[bloom6372]

You pay your attorney to do what you want, whether she wants to do it or not. If she's not doing what you ask her to do in regards to your case, tell her you'd like a partial refund so that you can obtain an attorney that will do what is necessary for your children.

As for the BM. If you can get proof of the kids staying overnight at others' homes most of the time and get documentation on her being uncooperative, you can file for primary custody. Start using email to communicate so that you have proof of everything that is said. If you have the money, hire a PI to get proof of the instability she is providing the children. Ask BM if the kids can go into counseling, and if she agrees, make sure to get copies of the records and to subpeona the therapist.

[QballArt]

Ok The decision came back, and because of my one bonus last year, (which was based on last years sales. I make Video Games for a living) I was stuck with giving her almost half my paycheck.
The judge also ignore the children's attorney who stated 50/50 custody, and gave her 9 out of 14 days to have them. Also my oldest wants to live with me, he is thirteen next month, but he refused that (the boys lawyers even recomended it).
I am out of money, and she has threatened to do this till i am broke. What now?

Thanks again.

[Fed Up]

Keep Fighting!!! Your children are worth it! About the same thing happened to me, my ex wife tried to leave with the kids and move 800 miles away. When the courts told her she would not get custody, she dropped the kids off at my door step the next day and left. I ended up getting custody and everyday since she came back (which was approx. 3 months after she left) my life has been a living hell, constantly taking me back to court for petty things. I recently had to move for my job which was approx. 2 hours away from our hometown. Unfortunately after filing all the correct paper work, the courts allowed me to move with children. Although after I moved they sent me a letter forcing me to pay her $400 dollars a month and doubled her visitation also making me have long distance and short distance guideline rules. I have to do all the traveling both ways every other weekend. Upon finding this out I filed an appeal which took about 6 months and 5000 dollars. I won the appeal and the trial courts decided to give the same exact decision only changing their wording a bit. Now I will be filing yet another 5000 dollar appeal here in the next couple weeks hoping for some relief. The reason I am telling you this is to show you it is going to be expensive and it is going to cause stress in your life almost every single day. The courts do not care about fathers and I could go on and on. But what it all comes down to is that your kids are worth it no matter what. Don't give and keep trying to do what is best for them. The courts have made me 100% responsible for everything in my children s life and have not asked her to pay 1 dime towards anything. All they want her to do is sit back, enjoy 4 days a month and summers with the kids while I pay for here not to work. Record every interaction you have with her and the children. Every visit, every conversation, everytime someone coughs because believe it or not down the road you may need it. Good Luck and don't give up.