CS and Custody

[Miller]

My ex had threatened for years that if I ever tried to review CS, he would file for custody. I had never messed with CS but it's gotten to a point where our son's expenses are quite a bit more so a review was necessary...it has been 9 years.

Well, my ex is obviously keeping his "promise" and is now pressuring our son to move. Our son came home from spending the weekend with his dad and was so upset. He was up half the night with an upset stomach. I talked with him and asked if he was happy with how things are. He said that he is, but that he just kept telling his dad that all these questions are confusing him. It tears me apart to see my son in this position. I was so upset last night that I could have sworn I was having an anxiety attack.

So, if my ex is able to brainwash our son, how much weight does the voice of an 11 year old carry? Everything...I mean everything...in our son's life is great. Great grades, lots of activities, friends, everything! Also to note, I have sole legal and physical custody...my ex only has visitation.  We are in IL.

[janM]

I would have your child talk to a counsellor, both to help him deal with this conflict (abuse, if you ask me), and to get a third party's opinion on what's going on, with the option of having them testify in court as to the child's true feelings. Even if it's just the school counsellor or a trusted teacher.

At 11 he can't "decide" who to live with, and even if he were to tell the judge he wanted to move in with dad, there would have to be some good reasons for a change. If he says he doesn't want to move, Dad would have to prove it would be in his best interest, and up to you to show that the status quo is working very well.

I would hope a judge would see this as retaliation for upping child support. I wonder, if the harrassment got bad enough that a counsellor could see it was damaging the child, if you could get some kind of relief in court, either contempt or supervised visits.