Help

[oneaddress]

Our child is allergic to dogs and cats and some foods. Doctor has written letter to school and to us about his allergies. It will be written into final court order. We are still in court. Had asthma attack last week. Now BM is giving him a dog for his birthday. She is telling child and her friends. Child loves dogs. This is just another wedge issue that BM calculates that will make child want to spend more time at her home. BM tells child that there are no allergies. How should I handle the situation? Thanks

[RoosterC]

That sounds like you should forward the note from doctor to lawyer. Good Luck.

[Kitty C.]

Inform the doctor who made the diagnosis IMMEDIATELY.  Asthma attacks CAN be fatal.  I've seen and heard it happening to kids who were taking meds and staying away from triggers.  Doctors are also mandatory reporters.  Now, I don't know if a report of abuse can be made on suspicion only (meaning sight unseen, just told about), but it still doesn't change the fact that the doctor needs to know.  He may call the BM and inform her that if she does get a dog for the child, he will have no choice but to report her for abuse.......kind of 'cutting her off at the pass', so to speak.

If she still does it, inform the doctor again.  He can then call CPS to have them investigate.  Do NOT call CPS yourself........they will only consider it a vindictive father who's trying to get back at his ex.  It needs to be reported by an objective 3rd party to have any influence.

[oneaddress]

Thanks I will have a meeting with the doctor. It seems that the harder I try to follow doctor's orders, the more BM is determined to not follow orders. I feel that she is getting the dog to make the child want to spend more time in her home. Child has been more reluctant to go to her home, and says she is mean mom. I would love to get him a dog, but my priority is to keep him healthy. It is hard to compete with a new puppy. 

[gemini3]

SD2 has mild allergies to pets.  We have a pet (that was mine before DH and I met) but we do our best to minimize the dander.  Our pet does not go upstairs where the bedrooms are, we vacuum every other day, we have an air purifier in SD2's room. 

BM has 4 cats, a dog, and 6 hamsters in an 1100 sq. foot apartment.  She is not know for her cleanliness.  But, SD2 takes prescription allergy meds every day when she's over there.  She will tell her mom that she needs it.

Just wanted to add another perspective to maybe ease your worries a bit. 

[oneaddress]

BM insists that child has no allergies. She even says that I had no allergies when I was in school Last week, before dog, I took him to doctor for asthma. Although it is probably impossible to say definitely that asthma started on her time, BM is a smoker, BM's male friend is a smoker and has a dog.  BM posted pictures of child, another dog and the new dog (gift from her and boyfriend). I feel that she is daring me to do something about it. 

I did not decide allergies, doctor determined that he was highly allergic to dogs and cats. BM knows that if child has to give up dog she can say it is my fault. I feel that it is a plot line that is growing to make child hate me and hate our time together because I am primary. I fear what the next step in her plot will be.

[tigger]

When I take my son to the doctor, the doctor asks him questions directly.  Always has.  "Do you wear your seatbelt all the time?"  Do you wear a helmet when riding your bike?  Do you ride 4 wheelers?  Are there guns in your house?  Are there animals in the house?  Are you exposed to animals?  Does anyone smoke around you?  He has asthma also.

He answers honestly and I don't have to say a word.  Seatbelt -  yes always.  Helmet - no, not cool.  4 wheelers - yes, at my dad's and papa's.  Have had training on how to do so safely and is supervised. Guns - at dad's, yes.  Not at mom's.  Papa has taught proper handling and enforces strict rules regarding guns and always supervised.  Animals - dad has 5 cats.  Mom put the cat outside after she found out I was allergic but the cat died.  (I felt HORRIBLE but I did what I had to do.  Cat was indoor/outdoor but wanted to stay outdoor and she got her wish after I found out Daniel was allergic. My son now hates cats and hates going to his dad's because of them but loves his dad enough to tolerate the cats.)  Exposed to animals - horse, pony, cow, goats, peacocks, pigeons, guineas, chickens . . .  all outside (vs enclosed in a barn).  Smoking - only dad. 

He carries his inhaler with him at his dad's.  Hasn't needed it in my home for the past year. 

Also, there are some dogs that are less likely to provoke a reaction.  I'm allergic to my son's beagle.  My son's not though.  My allergy is triggered usually only when we ride in the car together (he's a great traveling dog) or when I'm sick and he decides to not leave my side causing me to feel worse rather than better.  Poor critter doesn't know what he's doing to me.

If the doc asks the child the right questions, you won't have to say a thing.

[ocean]

Did the dr do allergy testing so it is a def diagnosis? Ask to have that done, or bring to allergist so you will have a list to hand to mom/court without trying to call in dr. If you have medical test results, you can enter that into evidence.

Feel out dr again, and see if the testing will show how allergic child is to dog, some are mild cases, some severe. If it comes back severe, copy results and send to mom.
Maybe an email"
BM,
I heard you may be looking into getting a dog for XX. As you know he is asthmatic and dr has told us both, no dogs/cats. I have an appointment on XX to see the severity of the allergy to dogs. Please wait until after the appointment, so XX is not disappointed if he can not keep the dog. You are more than welcome to meet at the dr's office or I will email and send you a copy of the results as soon as I receive them.
You

Im sure she wants YOU to be the bad guy and say "sorry dad said no...."