Children born with physical disabilities now adults

[Denvershort]

This question involves two adult female children who were born with physical limitations because of poor muscle tone and contractures.  They both have full/average mental capacities which have allowed them to attend college.  The crux is a home environment that has not encouraged responsibility, resourcefulness, self reliance; therefore these young ladies have no reason or desire to be self sufficient and are quite satisfied to remain financially dependent on their father.  What dictates that a parent remains financially responsible past the age of maturity for children with moderate physical limitations but more importantly no desire to be self sufficient and with parental (Mother's) influence that encourages the continued demand of support from their father?  The parties live in Illinois and the girls are 27 and 22.  What evidence does the Father need to gather to support that unlimited support is not neccessary for his daughters.  Currently he is in direct contact with his daughters, provides emotional support, facilitates one daughter's travel to college classes and is paying weekly support, providing health insurance and all copays, drug store expenses, physician office visits, physical therapy appointments, college tuition/books/fees/computers, clothing allowance, spending money, a van with insurance, gas/tires, maintenance, etc.  He has no access to medical/psych treatment information such as treatment plans or progress.  The girls refuse permission.  We are looking for a reasonable balance.

[MixedBag]

1.  get smart on the IL State Code regarding "age of majority" support and if a child is permanently disabled as an adult.

2.  but you know, I have no clue -- what's dad really trying to do?

Do they qualify to file for SSI?

maybe others can chime in to help -- above my head for sure.

Have you spoken to an attorney?

[ocean]

If they qualify and get SSDI then he could argue that the amount they receive should come off "child support". Here, depends on the judge if they count the SSDI as income. If the federal government is giving them SSDI then is probably be a harder fight. Has he tried to win this in court yet?
Prove independence:
1. Go to college...(get receipts for books, see if they will give him grades) What are they going for? Will this be a job at the end? Can they work at school?
2. Go to dr appointments and refuse fathers help/ say and wont sign form to allow father access...wants independence
3. Drive? Do either drive?
4. Can they cook and clean themselves? What program at high school did they go through? Were they ever in a work program at school?
5. SSDI or other money...Do they pay any bills on their own?

Get court ordered help for them to be independent:
1. Girls will be enrolled in a day work program ....
2. Girls will go to a case worker/ life skills class?/ group to help with being independent
3. Girls will live at a program? residential with work program?

What state are you in? There are private companies that do the above or the state. Sometimes there a wait lists.

[Denvershort]

Thank you for responding to my question.  I replied to Mixed Bag yesterday but it did not post. Thank you MB - I will check out the state code regarding the "age of majority".  We live in Illinois.  (I just lost my latest Reply so will begin again...)

Yes, the Girls do receive SSI.  Each month they willfully turn it over to their Mother to support the household.  The Father's financial support was never reported because it would have jeopardized the Girls' claim, as we were told.  The Father provides approximately $30,000 annually but this is not court acknowledged but rather an agreement between him and his exwife because he fears that she could be awarded more if it is processed by the court.  This last personal agreement was made as the Girls reached 18 years of age.  The Mother's income and assets have never been considered in regard to the support of the Girls.

We have spoken with Family Law attornies but have been told... Girls "disabled" (period)... You pay (period).  Each time, the lawyers seem to develop a perception of some totally disabled being with no mental capacity and they don't move any farther to assist us in practical steps to aid the girls in their situation or to arrive at a fair balance of financial support... or time period.  There is no reason why these Girls couldn't be productive.

Yes one Girl does drive but frankly she's a danger on the highway, so we don't encourage it but encourge the use of a RIM project of transportation, but she refuses because she says she gets car sick.

Abilities in their home:  Never developed.  They have a sense of entitlement and the expectation to be cared for.  An example of getting breakfast, the one Daughter cannot move a full gallon on milk from the top shelf of the refrigerator.  To me the solution is to have a smaller container lower in the frig where she can reach/remove/replace it after pouring it on her cereal.  The Mother refuses to make this adjustment so the Daughter doesn't fix herself breakfast cereal.  The sad truth is that at some time the Girls won't have their Mother and Father and then who will "take care of them"? 

Classes at school:  Their Junior and Senior years at high school, the Girls were truant 80% of the time.  They and their Mother couldn't get up in time to be prepared to get to school.  Counseling at school brought threats from the Mother to install an elevator because the Girls couldn't access the stairs.... even though there was an alternate mechanism... so they were passed through to graduation.  They've had to take 2 years of college prep classes at the junior college to even be able to take college classes.  Most of their class work is elective/entertainment type of course work.  The 27 year old has taken classes for I would guess 7 years and has accumulated possibly 20 some credit hours of any value. 

Cooking and Cleaning:  They have little desire to.  Laundry is in the basement that takes an effort to access for them so if it doesn't get brought up, they go and buy new.  One recently bought 8 pairs of jeans at one time (Father told her that 10 was too many...)  I offered to make sewing adjustments to the waistbands for her.  After I had returned 6 pairs, she told me she only had 3... the others were in the basement/laundry for months.

Court ordered programs to gain independence sound great but the Girls and their Mother would hit the roof if it was suggested.  Or taken to Court, the Mother would counter sue for additional financial support... and the Father believes the Illinois court would support her claim.  They have no reason to learn to be independent, they have a well developed supoprt system... their Father!

The situation is overwhelmed by a Mother who is angry, attacking, threatening, manipulative, she's allienated the Girls from their extended family, one is fearful of leaving the house, we believe the Mother to have mental health issues. This has gone on so long that the Mother doesn't really have to cause a problem... the Girls can maintain the unhealthy situation because that's what they've learned...

We are looking for information/suggestions to balance out the compromised demand for money money money when there is no accountability or reason for the bills that just keep coming.  Why doesn't their Father have any rights to what services are sought, length of service, amount of spending money he's expected to reimburse?  He called the psychologist's office to discuss the bill and they contacted his Daughter for permission to discuss....  What is going on?!

Is seeking Guardianship of the Girls an option.  What type of lawyer would be best for this situation?  Here again, on notification the Mother would probably mount a terrible attack.

I appreciate your time and suggestions.

[ocean]

I think first you guys have to make a decision...is it worth it to go to court?

-Find out what child support would be with HIS income only (and would the SSDI come off?)
-If he agrees to pay money, ask for guardianship (for money/bills)
-Send ex letter stating until girls sign a form at dr to be able to discuss bills/appointments you will not agree to costs (which should be half with mother or from their "money")
-Ask for receipts and reimburse ex instead of a stipend?
_Look into work programs through agencies (mental health)...bag at grocery store with a staff member and they get paid a little something, offer to girls/ex

I would really look into the numbers...in court you would be responsible for XX amount of support, plus many half medical, carry insurance if it is legal in your state at their age and that is it. No half of car insurance...or all that...that would be up to ex to deal with on how the money is spent.

Do they spend time at your house overnight anymore? If he has time with them and expenses on his time, that should be deducted too. Interview a few more lawyers. Best place to see them in action is in the waiting room at court. YOu can ask around and see who the good ones are. This is not a regular case so see if any local lawyers dealt with this with the judges who are there now...and what is the state law on this.

Maybe ask for a family meeting with ex to talk about "the future". Either with a counselor or yourselves in you get along with her. If that does not work, ask for mediation and maybe go that route but it sounds like you are paying an awful lot in all areas.