mediation failed...

[good_dad]

just got done with mediation.  we've had temp orders in place for 5 months, her with 60% custody.  i asked for 50%, and she walked out.  her attorney notified me that they have been planning to ask for my temp orders to be LESSENED.  to approximately 30% for me, 70% with her.  basically standard tx visitation.   rediculous.   she just walked out after 1 hr.

is this possible?  no history of violence.... just got her psych report and it shows her to have PTSD, emotional distress, problems trusting all men, anxiety issues, and more.  mine is 100% clean.   is it possible that we will go to the final hearing (which is only about custody... all property is split already) and the judge to order standard visitation when i already have more than that? 

what other types of info can i bring to light to show that i am the better parent?  i go to EVERY school event... every soccer game... i have TRIED AND TRIED to attend their counseling sessions, but my ex gave a letter to the counselor stating I am not to attend (she got slapped on the wrist for this). 

I have e mails where she writes telling me that the kids aren't important to me, etc etc.  i have NEVER done anything like that to her. 

I don't know what to do here.  I know the system is skewed in the favor of mom's, and i feel helpless.  My attorney was caught completely off guard by this mediation session. 

HELP!

[Simplydad]

If I read correctly you live in Texas right? If so then just ask for the extended visitation.  If you make the request it is granted nothing can be done to stop it.  That is how my visitation is and all I had to do is ask for it.  Of course I had an attorney and you will need one if you do not have one.  All I had to do was make the election that I wanted the extended standard visitation and that is what I got.  Nothing my ex could do to stop it.

How it works is this....

One night during the week your visitation starts when school lets out and does not end until school starts the next day.  That day is normally Thursday. So will have to make sure you child gets to school on Friday.

Your weekend visitation is 1st, 3rd and 5th weekend of every month. Beginning on the Thursday of your normal weekly visitation and endind the following Monday when school starts or at 8:00 am when school is not in sessin.  So you will get your child from Thursday - Monday morning. 

[Kent]

Don't worry too much about mediation.
My mediation lasted only 30 seconds. We walked in, the ex stated she would not agree to anything but her getting full custody, I replied that was not an option, and mediation was over.

Your attorney should not be surprised that they asked for "the standard", they always will.

How did you get to see her psych report?

Discuss with your attorney to ask for a custody evaluation. Do your research and make sure you can get a good and unbiased evaluator BEFORE you ask the judge for this. If you ask and already have a name, there is a good chance the judge will order that evaluator to be used. It will cost approx. $ 3 - 4k (usually to be split between both parents), but a good evaluator will write a recommendation based on what he/she thinks is best for the child. In most cases, a judge will take the custody recommendation from an evaluator and make it to an order. So if the ex is having all the issues you wrote, and you don't, and you show the evaluator that you are more supportive of a relationship between the child and the other parent, you may end up with primary custody. Just show you are the better parent, and don't B.S. the evaluator, they have very sensitive bs detectors.

Kent!

[good_dad]

The thing is I already have an extra day that is NOT included in the extended visitation.
I have 1st third, and fifth weekends from thursday after school to monday morning.

on 2nd and 4th weeks, i have Wednesday and Thursday overnight till friday.  i pick up my kiddos wedndsday after school, and return them to school friday morning. 

This works out at about 60/40 custody.  she has 50 more days than i do this year.

She is asking that it be lessened.  i'm guessing to the "extended standard visitation" that you mention.


As far as the evaluator goes, my attornet mentioned an ad litem attorney for the kids.  is this the same thing as an evaluator?  is the evaluator better than a GAL?

I truly believe now that i am the better parent in the ordeal.  I have always tried to continue the kid's relationship with their mom.  At christmas, I even tried to let her see the kids on Christmas day overnight (i had them this Christmas) and she refused.  i ask her to call when the kids are sad to suprise them... she's never done this for me. 

To top things off, she called to talk to the kids last night and my son mentioned to his mom that he wanted to see me "6 days, and her 6 days"... (he says this often... they stay with mom 6 days in a row, and me 4...)  She then tells him that it's "up to the Judge to decide" and goes into detail on what the judge does in cases like this.  The kids are 6 yrs old.  I have been told numerous times not to do this.  LAst night my son woke up and started asking questions about "the judge". 

There's so many things here that concern me.  I just want my kids to be as affected by this as little as possible, and these situations are making it tougher on the kids than they need to be. 

[ocean]

Tape her... it should make her stop. You may not be able to use the tape in court but
1. can show a GAL
2. can show a therapist
3. should make her stop knowing she is being taped.

Send her ONE letter stating all phone calls to the house or your cell phone will be taped and if she talks to the kids about a judge/court case the phone call will be terminated as the children should not be put in the middle of this. (although the child should not be asking this on the phone to mom either...). If child starts, just say that it is up to the adults to make that decision since they are kids and not to worry about it for now.

GAL is specifically for the kids...they will talk to kids and then go and state what the kids wishes are and what they saw with the two parents. They are allowed to question whoever goes on the witness stand...basically a kids lawyer...

[Simplydad]

Something I just thought of

If you already have a custody agreement then what has to happen is a modification and in order to do that a change of circumstance is going to be required and I don't see how this situation will even qualify under that requirement.  One thing that attorneys have always told me (those I interviewed and my current attorney) is not to have something put in the temporary orders that you do not want in the final decree.  Now your ex is going to have a hard time getting the custoday arrangement changed unless she can prove it is in the best interest of the children. 

[Kent]

Don't confuse a GAL with a custody evaluator!

A GAL in many states is just another attorney without any formal training to determine "the best interest of the children". It is just another attorney who may like your attorney better or still owes a favor to your ex's attorney.

An experienced custody evaluator however is usually an educated and licensed psychologist with at least a Master's or a PhD and required annual training to keep their license. They have very sensitive BS detectors and can recognize symptoms of mental abuse and PAS.
On the flipside, there are some bad custody evaluators as well.
A good attorney will know who the impartial custody evaluators are. If you can go that route, there is a lot of info on this site on how to deal with custody evaluators.

Good luck!

Kent!