Very confused about where to start??

[gnicar23]

Here is my situation: (with all my stupid mistakes included)

First I had a child with a gf that I had not been with for very long.  While she was pregnant we split serveral times.  Her family wants us together worse than she wants us together. I didn't want us to be together but went back for my childs sake but that only lasted off and on for about 2 yrs.  Since then I have moved on and so has the BM. I married a girl who also we later found out happens to be my fifth cousin (very distant as you can see) and we have two children together. BM has a live in boyfriend that she has recently had a child with. We have never had a visitation arrangement set up.  I seen my son regularly until BM realized that I had remarried and then the claws came out and she would not let me see him anymore. Her mother would still sneak him to me regularly. Then back about 6 months ago BM and her bf got back together and then even those visits stopped.  My child is very verbal about wanting to spend time with me, but she says she will not have him being around me and "my cousin." She has recently moved and I used the forms on this site to access his school records where he was attending and the transfer form so I could find out where he had moved to.  The school was very helpful and I learned he had moved 4000 miles away. BM works as a tech in the hospital and is doing a traveling job, so she is moving him around the country and he was already failing in school. (Makes me Angry!!)
The new school he moved to had been sent the request forms several times and have still not even received an acknowlegment that they have them.? Don't know why and can't get anyone to give me an answer, just that they will check into it and call me back.(over and over) I don't even have a number to call to get him until someone gives me the info from that school.  The only number I had for him (a home phone) has been disconnected. They still own their house here (it just sits empty) and I am sure they will return to it as soon as this traveling job ends.

All of his BMs family is here and all of my family is here. I just want to know what the odds are that I can get him. I want him to have stability and to get caught up with his schooling. According to the records the school wanted to hold him back but BM refused and sent him on even though he was failing everything!

I just don't know where to even start. Should Ijust try to get a visitation schedule that is written out through the court or should I try to get custody? What do I need to do if the school keeps ignoring my request. (they have had it for a month now) Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated.   

[ocean]

You can try to file in family court by you and ask for Joint LEGAL custody (for doctors and education decisions) and then a parenting plan. Depending on how long mom moved, the case might be held by you. She would have to try and have it by her. You will probably not get full custody now, very hard to do BUT you can get parenting time with her. Your marriage to your "cousin" will not matter in court...so do not worry about that.

School- Send the letter from here..it is strong worded. Also call the district office or the principal of the school and nicely ask what they need as you are legally her father and have legal rights to get the records.

When you get to court you can use the educational stuff... Ask to talk to teacher. Ask if they do email or have internet based grades and attendance records. See if the teacher will tell you about things that are happening and possibly a fun day at school where you can make the trip to see her. You will not be able to take her from school but you are legally allowed at public events.

If you get her phone number....do not call. Go through court...she may use harassment against you. Send her one letter giving her your email address to communicate. Ask to come up with a parenting plan so see child.

Is there any orders ever? child support? visitation? nothing...?

[gnicar23]

There is a child support order, which I pay regularly. She just moved within the last month and a half. Can I send her a letter asking for my son to call me or what? I have already used the letter off the website and sent it to the school but they are not letting me know anythng.  I also called and they say they will have to check on it and call me back but they are not responding.

[ocean]

Who did you call at the school? Go above them? Start with a talk with principal or email him/her. If you did that, go above to district office- superintendent. They are higher...tell them you will supply them again anything they need but if they do not supply you with the paperwork, you will turn them in for non-compliance.

If she just moved....file in family court yourself this week for custody and parenting plan (usually free or small fee). She will be forced to come back to your area for court. Hold off on a letter to her, you do not want her to move again. File and have her served. Some areas the sheriff will serve her, some areas you have to find someone...there are companies that will do it for you.

[gnicar23]

Do you think it's really possible for me to get custody without so much as a regular visitation schedule for the past 8 years? She has completely blocked all contact with him for the past 6 months and moved away about 1 1/2 - 2 months ago without telling me anything.  I am willing to try whatever I have to to get him back here with me and all of his family.   

[ocean]

Not full custody but definitely a parenting plan and maybe joint custody.

There are two different custody's.
You want Joint LEGAL for important things (does not matter if child is with you)
and you can try for:
Joint Physical : where you both share child equally or a parenting plan to when you get child.

If you have money for a lawyer, do that. You may be able to force mom to bring child back to your area until a trial since she just left without warning and refuses to talk to you.

If you can not afford a lawyer, pay for an hour of their time to go over the correct paperwork. You may be able to file a temporary order getting child back to area/school especially with the educational piece. If not, then you file for joint custody with a parenting plan and get your time on paper. If she brings up other issues, just smile and let it go. Family court will not really care who lives in your house, who you are married to, as long as there is no neglect.

Will mom's family help you?

[gnicar23]

Not sure if mom's family would help out or not.  They are very wishy washy about everything.  BMs mother will sneak around behind her daughters back for me to see my son but then she will also bow down to her daughter when BM finds out about it (kinda like she is scared of her own daughter). They are just very strange.

Will I be able to pull off a joint custody deal with her living 4000 miles away? I know eventually she will move back around here (at least within an hour or two of me - worst case scenerio). Her house is in the same school district of me and only 10 or 15 minutes from my home (which ultimately has been where she has returned to everytime she has left in the past). I knew I could get some sort of visitation but wasn't sure what I needed to go for.

How long does the jurisdiction stay here with her living out of state for the last 1.5 - 2 months?

Will I have to have supervised visitation since I have never had a real visitation schedule and it has only been visitation at her descretion or when her mom snuck him to me for the past 8 years?

I guess I will send the paperwork back out to the school again this week thru certified mail (RRR) and see if I get a respones then.  I have sent the paperwork to the superintendent also but haven't heard anyhting back from her either.  I really don't knwo why they are not responding nor are they giving me any information what-so-ever!

Thanks for all of your help I really appreciate it.