Update on mediation & custody

[GrandmaOf1]

Our Attorney told us if you dont leave mediation P'oD then it did not work. That was great advice.

We went thru mediation in January. And signed the papers in court yesterday. We maintain sole custody of our now 4 1/2 yr old Grandson. BM continues to get her two 4 hour vists a week. In addition to a 12 hour visit. All visits have to cease by 8 pm. No change with the BD. He has only seen his Son twice since Christmas. He appears to be gradualy just disappearing. CS stays the same at $30.00 each per month. Which is a joke.

Stipulations. As BM was seen riding the child unrestrained WE have to supplly her a car restraint system thats age/height/weight appropriate. BM has to undergo a Psych Eval which we foot the bill for. Thats gonna run anywhere between 1,700 & $ 2,500. BM has to keep us updated on the address where she lives. We currently have no clue where she is living or what the environment is like. IF the psych eval returns favorable her 12 hour visit will become a 24 hour overnight visit. And the BM has to keep a working phone # at all times when he is in her care. We have had problems with her pre pay cell phone not having minutes. And she has to supervise him around any animals. She left him unattended in a yard with a Pitt Bull. He was returned home with claw marks and scratches on all extremeties, his chest and back. Basically all over. We have video evidence of this.

So basically she continues to make poor/unsafe decisions and WE dole out the monies to help her reform herself. Why do I seem to have this bad taste in my mouth?

The good news the dovorce was finalised yesterday !!! Hoorah I am Daughter-In-Law-Less...LOL. Which also means according to our Attorney that she is NO longer eligible for legal aide. Its in the order that all parties have to wait one year from the date of the papers to ask to return to mediation and our take this case to trial. So we have another year. I used to think that in a year this would be over. It would all be done and settled. If i could offer ANY sound advice to anyone just entering this 3 ring circus it would be that it WONT be over until the chid is 18. Come to grips with that early on. Dont allow this to consume your life. Continue to get out there and have fun and Laugh. Its stressful. Trust me I know. But place it on hold for brief periods and go have some fun. Heck even get creative !!!!! The order is we are to "provide" her an appropriate car seat. Well as luck would have it very recently I took our car seat system in and had it safety checked. It passed with flying colors ! I have the papers. I plan to give her THAT seat. I am going to purchase a new one and keep it in my vehicle. Voila ! Problem solved and SHE can suck on the sour grapes for a while.....LOL

When we arrived home from court we found a box on our doorstep. Our Grandson said " oh thats mommies". I take it in and open it to find "love letters" she and our Son had exchanged. VERY explicit in nature. Dating back to when she was 14. WOW an early bloomer i suppose. 1... Who would want there in laws reading sompthing of that nature? ICK !! But given her earlier video performance with 2 men that she ALSO gave me the tape to I am not surprised. 2...... I plan to auction them on Ebay under "diaries of a disgruntled young woman"...LOL... TEASING of course but just saying that sure did make that bad taste go away !

Thank you guys. You have been missed. I just had to take some time away and step back from all of this.
Grandma Of 1

[gemini3]

How old are BM and BD?

[MixedBag]

It's not even necessarily over at 18.....there are other family holidays where both sides will be there, like weddings, college graduations, etc...

Glad to read that things went well!

[fight4him]

I have always said it never ends, not at 18...not at 30...but NEVER. It sounds like a step back has done you good. You seem to be in pretty good humor. I think that's all we get sometimes. I myself live fore the "karma" moments. I don't have to do a thing but sit back and watch.

Good luck.

[GrandmaOf1]

gemini the BM is 26, our son the BD is 28 and in the process of moving to Kentucky. At which point he will see his child approx every 6 months. Or when we make the trip back to our hometown to visit with family. He has a recent dui and no license..ect.......

Mixed thank you so much ! I got consumed by everything. I felt as if i had to be on guard every moment and even when we where on vacation i was thinking of Judges, and courts and legal papers...Not the way anyone should live. I am back to the "old" me which is upbeat and positive. We have a fantastic Grandson. He is thriving. He is happy. He is well cared for. AND i am being willingly supplied with TONS of great material for when i write my memoirs at 90'ish....Ha ha ha ! I like being happy it again. It suits me.

Odd thing is the BM's side of the family have never been an active part of her life even. Let alone there Grandchild. They have only seen him once when he was around 5 months old. The disappeared over 2 years ago and have yet to be found. The only side of the family is my family and my husbands family. We recently celebrated Grandpa's 50th birthday and let me tell ya that 4 year old stole the show !!

So can we relax totally. Nope. In one year she can choose to request another mediation or even sue us in court for custody. And being the BM i accept that she may even win. But I have to hold true in my heart that given the fact we are his "Psychological Parents" no Judge would ever rule us completly out of his life. We want him to have a happy and healthy relationship with his birth parents. We actively encourage it. My Prayers are she will find goodness in her heart, love for this child and do the same........

You all are the bestest. You gave us great advice. This entire forum is great for folks like us who where so new to this and very naieve. Knowledge is Power.. We owe you all many thanks.

GrandmaOf1

[grammy2]

For the next year just keep documenting... but chances are she will give up and won't fight it anymore...just want to see him once in a while.  You said $30 a month in CS is a joke but the smaller the amount the more likely you are to show you are better able to meet his needs financially...that is no joke!  In some states paying support preserves the right to remain a legal parent...if she paid nothing you would have a better chance of proving abandonment.

[GrandmaOf1]

Grammy2 very good points !

I had not even thought of it that way. BD did move to KY. Has not seen his child since Dec 24 th. BM has not taken any visits in 2 weeks. She pressed for a 12 hr visit and since our court date has not taken any visits. I have text message stating she has "Poison Ivy". I assured her its not contagious but what do i know? I have only been a Nurse of 25 years. And if she does not wish to use her time thats fine. I offer. I dont beg. She also texted that she was unable to fill her RX for prednisone as she does not have any money until payday. And she does not know how she is going to make her rent as she missed 2 days work. I was puzzled was she hoping i would offer a loan?

Anyhoo its all printed off so I can show she is unable to even afford a $10 RX, and that missing only 2 days throws her into a financial crisis. I was told once on here that give them enough rope and they hang themselves. I declare that person genius status....LOL.

ok ok now allow me a line or 2 or 50 to brag....LOL. GS really is an amazing little character. He was accepted into a Private Christian school this fall. He scored on the low end of the 2 nd grade level ! And he is only entering 4K. I know that looks good because it shows he is being educated at home. The headmaster sent us a fantastic letter of acceptance. But most importantly he is happy. He is unaware of the turmoil around him. I just got the shivers because i know we are succeeding in the thing i wanted most. For him to not ever feel he is from a broken anything.......Let alone a home.
GrandmaOf1