heading into court

[allforher]

I am looking for some creative ways to add certain holiday criteria to a CO.

With shared parenting and a week on week off schedule it can make for difficult Christmas negotiations.  I had proposed to DD that on the years I will have our child for Christmas day that we be allowed to travel out of state as I am remarried(9 years) and have 4 other children who have gp's out of town in louisiana and pa.  He said that he wouldnt' agree and have that in stone because he could have the potential to not have our child for at least christmas eve every other year.  Understandable, but then he proceeds to say that we need to stick to the week on week off schedule and I should only go out of town when child is on my week.  I will not have child on my week for the next 5 or 6 years based on a rotating schedule like this which means we can't go out of town to spend christmas with family.  Does anyone have anything creative we can add.  We don't go out of town that often really, it's expensive, the last time we were in Louisiana was 2004 so that tells you but in the past there has been major arguements for us to spend time with stepdads side of the family.  We now live 4 hours away from my husband other side of the family so thats easier to get to and we wouldn't need christmas eve but to go to louisiana we would.  I just want to be able to have the option at some point.  Trying to negotiate with dd always ends up in an arguement especially when I am the one asking.

Just today he mentioned that he's used to not having her, he hasn't had her in two years.  Which I am confused on, we've nearly shared time 50/50 and even years are mine for holidays but he had her Easter and Thanksgiving last year, so I am confused on what he is feeling......

[MixedBag]

Exactly how do you to split Christmas Eve/Day NOW?

There's a side of me that says a child's right to be with both parents trumps extended family.

SO....if dad has her Christmas Eve....when does she return.  Then you hit the road, drive 4 hours, and spend Christmas Day EVENING with the other side of the family.

There's a side of me that says "if dad has the child Christmas Eve to Christmas Day evening, then NEXT year, Mom should have Christmas Eve to Christmas Day evening.....and that means leaving and driving 4 hours Christmas afternoon to make it back.

In our family, we have learned to MOVE the holiday and deal with it.

Heck, even in my OSD's family, there's sooo many different obligations, and really no divorces to deal with, that they celebrate as a family on a totally different day -- close to Christmas, but a few days early or later.  No harm, no foul....just a matter of changing attitudes.

[allforher]

on odd years its Mom Christmas eve from 4pm to 10pm on even years it's Dad's time, I guess maybe moving the time up a little from 10pm to something earlier would be suitable to head out of town.  With the week on week off, we could go to louisiana if Christmas day fell on one of our weeks.  We have done xmas eve thing for two years now, so that both families get to have the child.  I don't mind driving the 4 hours in a day, we've done it before but it would be nice not to have to especially if its my year for xmas day, I'd like to work something out that we'd be able to switch time, make it up or whatever, just not sure how to word that.

[ocean]

What about odd years mom gets school break from time child gets out to end of school vacation, then starts every other week from there, so other would get child the day school resumes. (even years- opposite). Then on the other year, you do Christmas with her the weekend before she leaves? or when she gets back? or some people do "little Christmas" I think it is Jan 6th?

[CuriousMom]

Ours is split - noon on Christmas Eve to noon on Christmas day and then noon on Christmas Day to noon on 12/26.  I have even year Christmas mornings and he has odd years Christmas mornings.

[allforher]

These are all great ideas but I do agree we should both be able to have our child xmas day.  It would be great if DD was understanding of extended family but to date he isn't so perhaps we'd just have to plan our trips to louisiana around xmas day, it's cheaper to travel anyway.  I just don't want to exclude our child from the stepfamily she's had since she was 2. 

I think to help prevent argueing it's best to have it in a CO in plain english.  Its been so bad lately with out having a CO I just want the arguing to stop.  thanks

[tigger]

These are all great ideas but I do agree we should both be able to have our child xmas day. 

Don't know that I agree with this.  It's great in theory but it didn't work well in reality for us.  Due to a long standing family tradition (started before I was born) of my grandmother's descendants all gathering at her house Christmas Eve and her battle with cancer, my ex agreed to allow me to have the boys every year for 7 years from 12/19 - 12 noon Christmas Day.  Grandma died in June of that 7th year and because of the way the odds and evens fell he would have had to wait 2 more years before he had the boys Christmas Eve so we started that year of alternating years  We found that the noon time was too early so we changed it to 2.  That really wasn't helpful either but we've stuck with it.  Our boys are now 22 and 17.  They love the fact that they were able to go to Great-Grandma's every year and wished it had stayed that way (obviously not going to Great Grandma's as she had died in 2000 but going to the hometown (RM) of her children).  In fact, ever since our oldest turned 18 (even when he wasn't speaking to me) he has gone to RM.  YS hates that he hasn't been able to go and has said that this past year was his last year missing it.  And honestly, there's nothing that great about it other than it's like a huge family reunion.  OS is closer to his 2nd cousin (the daughter of my first cousin) than he is to his 1st cousins just because they are closer in age.  They don't spend a great deal of time together but when they've run into each other in HIS hometown (capital of our state so much bigger than hers) they hang out and have a great time. 

Even now, my YS is complaining about having to split time between the two houses and has asked if he could just not go to his dad's for the 5 nights every two weeks and just stay home.  And make no mistake, he loves his dad.  But after 15 years of going back and forth, he's tired of it.