Mother without full custody

[sillyviolet]

I am not the primary parent for my children. I chose to give them up to their father, and I think that was the worst mistake I ever made. He doesn't include me in anything and I hear about important events from the kids after they happen. I have two boys, so I figured he would teach them to be men better than I could. Boy, was I wrong? Ever wish you could go back and make decisions again. My ex husband had an affair on me and kicked me out of the house and moved his new girlfriend in. I was homeless for a while, which is why I left the kids with him.

[wife1]

do you have your own place now and a job? If you have your self together why dont you try to get them?

[ocean]

There are ways to get involved with having to rely on the other parent.
Call the schools, watch their websites for changes, call them if needed. Talk to their teachers/coaches. See what they are involved in at school and show up! It is a public place and you can be at field day, class parties, etc. Ask the teacher and principal to get on the same mailing list and call list as the other parents. Some schools are on the web now and you can follow it there. Ask for a code to sign in.

Call the coaches, ask the ones from last year to let you know if they are signed up again this year. Get calendars and go. Same with church activities.

As the kids get older, they will be able to tell you better. If you are allowed by court order, call a few times a week and see what is going on. Email your ex with any activities every sunday night. Ask for any changes to be text to you. Let him know you are their to support kids but you understand it is his parenting time but would like to see the kids grow up and go to their activities whenever possible.

Get to know the other parents. If you are close to their school, join the PTA. Great way to find out what is going on in school, ways to get into school to volunteer, and other parents can tell you if things are going on.

[ninapook]

I agree with ocean, unless you are infringing on some order that bars you from interacting, you can still be there for your kids and show them that you are there for them.

You did what you thought was best at the time for them. Don't let your troubles with your ex keep you from continuing to mother your sons. Yes, you let him take over primary physical custody, but you still have a right to take part in parenting your children.