update

[fight4him]

Been a while since I posted. Not a lot really happening. But I read often. Anyway, thought I would update. SS will be 3 in October. We started this journey when he was 3 months old. At that time we thought that BM would agree to what we typed up since she actually told us she would. After she read it, she backed out. So began our court battles.

So, in the end, we are now getting split custody which is what we wanted in the beginning. The only thing we aren't getting is claiming him every other year on taxes. She refused to budge on any of the money issues. So dad sucked it up and just let her have it. It wasn't about the money. He just gets ticked off that he has him the same exact amount of time, provides everything for him when he's here, pays child support, keeps insurance, yet SHE gets the financial benefit. Oh well.  We are kind of ticked that it cost us all this money to get what could have cost us 500.00 in the beginning. Would have been so much easier. Plus we get to hear her tell people that we are the "bad guys" and how we refuse to play nice. We have bent over backwards to try to keep this out of court and get it done with. We just want to move forward with our lives.
So, we are finally able to get things in order and move forward. I truly expect this to be the end of the court battles, unless she keeps dragging us through child support modifications. That's easy. Plug in the numbers and pay up. Not a problem. BUT I also know that we have a long road ahead of us. School will be a big one. We are going to have to be in the same room as her at times and it gets awkward. We can do it though. She's just so two faced. She wants to be all friendly and cut up and laugh but we can't forget the past 3 years and how she has treated us and talked about us. We are friendly at pick up and drop off but that's it. We'll never be hanging out with her. It's all good until she breaks up with her boyfriend of has a bad day, then we become the bad guys again, even though we have little/no contact with her. Only contact is when it is initiated by her and he only responds if it is about the baby.

So there is hope out there people. We are glad our journey seems to be in a stable place. Good luck everyone.

[Kitty C.]

A lot of this is psychological and when you know where the mind games are played, it gets easier to deal with.

'Plus we get to hear her tell people that we are the "bad guys" and how we refuse to play nice.'

Maybe so, but think about this:  Just how much credibility do you think she has?  People who know you and your DH AND her?  After all this time, and others watching all that has transpired, do you think she has a shread of credibility left?  So when she says crap like that, you need to consider the source.  People who know you won't believe it and you know it.

'We are going to have to be in the same room as her at times and it gets awkward. We can do it though. She's just so two faced. She wants to be all friendly and cut up and laugh but we can't forget the past 3 years and how she has treated us and talked about us. We are friendly at pick up and drop off but that's it. We'll never be hanging out with her.'

In regards to school, you do NOT have to have joint parent-teacher conferences.  We never have...you can request to have your own appt. scheduled.  For other school/extra-curricular events, there will be a large number of people there.  Don't sit next to her...if she tries to 'get friendly' with you (so as to give all the other parents the impression that everything is hunky-dory), treat her as business-like as you possibly can and move away. 

SS is 17 and I can vividly remember going to his ball games, Scout functions, and school performances when BM was there.  Thankfully, she never tried to engage us, but she was bending over backwards to try to impress upon everyone that she was Mother of the Year.  We live in a very rural community (pop. under 2500), so word gets around....she wasn't impressing anybody.  But we have kept everything business-like in every face-to-face meeting we've had with her.  The last event we will have to deal with her personally is SS's graduation next year.  Given the economy, it just makes sense to have one party for him and DH belongs to a VFW as an assoc. member and can rent the facility VERY cheap.  He's already said that, if she wants to go in on it with us, her and her family will be there, as well.  By this time, we've gotten very good at keeping the emotion out of our dealings with her.  Trust me, if you keep practicing the no-emotion, business-like approach, you will find that it will become second nature.  Good luck!

[fight4him]

You are very right. This is a very small town and pretty much everyone who knows her at the very least knows me. Dh is from our of town and not too well known. I am very confident that my word holds more weight than hers. She has a history and a reputation. I don't. My sheltered life paid off.

I didn't realize you could get separate meetings at the school. we will look in to that when the time comes. We have become very good at keeping things business like. When she came to sign the papers this last time with her boyfriend (whom we like) they were all chatty and carrying on. It was very awkward for us. But we survived and they left. life goes on.

Thanks for the support.