I just knew the other shoe would drop

[msme]

The kids are 19, 18, & 13. The 2 oldest just graduated HS. They know what she is & she keeps showing herself. I think the worst thing he ever said about her was about 2 years ago when she kidnapped the 18 yr old. He was 16 at the time. She told him if he came with her, she would let him quit school, get his drivers license & buy him a truck, so he went with her. We were frantic. We called her & she swore she hadn't heard from him, We found out she had him all along. He was devistated when he found out it was all a lie. He wound up in a mental health hospital. He later admitted that he didn't really believe her but said that he couldn't take the chance that this time would be different.

The 2 oldest asked gr8dad why she did the things she did & he told them, "In the grand scheme of things, you got a really shitty mother. She is what she is & you should just take what she gives, knowing that it can change at any moment." We have tried to shield the younger one as much as possible but he is starting to ask more questions.He does know that his mother is supposed to pay CS but doesn't but spouts her excuses whenever he feels the need to defend her. He is having some real issues with the new baby. He realizes he is no longer the "baby"  However, we told him he now has a title he never thought he would have. He is now a big brother. He thought that was cool.

I guess the best example of gr8dad's efforts to keep the children first is that about 4 years ago, her father was dying of cancer & he took her & the 3 kids to see him, over 300 miles away, using his vacation time. He did it because he felt it was important for the kids to see their grandfather one more time & he knew she had no way to get there. Her father died 2 weeks later.  Did she appreciate it? Hell no!

So, life goes on & every once in a while she does something that makes us feel that maybe Karma is catching up with her. If that makes us bad people for enjoying seeing her being held accountable for her crap, then I guess we are bad people. But the kids are doing as good as they can & we know it is only because of us!

[Kent]

MSME,

Replying to your post about PBFH trashing gr8dad and him not saying anything.
I know from experience that is the wrong approach.
Now, there is a big difference between trashing PBFH and informing the kids of the truth.

If PBFH tells lies, and you say nothing, then the child has no option but to believe what the PBFH says.
No need to go out of your way to tell the kids what all happened (or is happening), but you should rebuke the lies and inform the kids of what happened. Otherwise the kids WILL believe every word she ways, and you're losing the war without putting up a fight.
You owe your children more than that.

Kent!

[superdad01]

My friend deals with a situation like this. Mother is a deadbeat and he is a great dad. His kid is much better off with him. He sometimes gets to the point, he says go ahead move in with your mom, and sleep on the floor of a trailer. I dont care, I'll pay child support... ( His kid can get pretty mouthy)  The kids can hear all they want but they know what's up at the end of the day.