False accusations from abusive ex

[onyxruby]

I'm going through a bitter divorce with an x who has a lot of mental health issues (multiple hospitalizations and previously granted permanent SSI for severity of issues). She has tried to have me arrested on two different occasions with an accusation that I beat her up (in reality she was the one to hit me during our marriage). She even rose to the level of having someone beat her on both occasions so that she would appear to be a victim.

On the first occasion the police found her so lacking in credibility they didn't even bother to ask me about it (they noticed that her injuries all appeared /after/ she left my presence). My stepson was there for the first event and his version of what happened read nothing at all like her version according the GAL. On the second occasion she tried to start a fight with me while I was picking up my three year old son and holding him. That time I had a recorder going and I was able to record the entire event (with him screaming every time she tried to rip him out of my arms).

The officer even distinctly noted how there were no injuries present until /after/ I had left the scene - just like the first time. I provided the recording to law enforcement to prove what really happened and no charges were filed against me. Is it all practical to get charges filed against her for filing false reports? Are there any practical consequences that she will have to face for these false accusations?

What value do these have in trying to win custody of my son against her? How do I use these to prove that she has no credibility to the court? We have a GAL and a custody evaluator (separate people) that are on the case. The GAL listened to the recording, she then said I did the right thing by trying to walk away and even agreed that my ex was the aggressive one and then later seemed to take my ex's side anyways. The Custody evaluator was provided copies of the recording and transcript and said he probably wouldn't look at them.

I'm thinking they are very important as they show conclusively that she is either lying or delusional about all of her accusations against me (she has medically significant problems with delusion in her past). My ex injured my son twice through neglect this year alone, once severely enough to put him in the PICU of the hospital for two days. She has a number of other things that make her unfit to be around kids. People say not to speak badly about the ex to the evaluator, but what do I do when I genuinely have safety concerns with her having any custody at all? I need to protect my son from his mother, please help with advice.

[ocean]

You fight for joint or sole custody based on mom's mental illness and reported instances of child getting hurt. You can play the tape in court and get judge to hear it, that may change the GAL and evaluator tune when they have to go on stand after that is played in court. Do you have documentation from the marriage that ex was hospitalized and her diagnosis? Is she on meds and taking them? Part of the divorce could be that she must take her meds and stay in therapy (depending on the type of diagnosis) in order to have visitation.

Was CPS ever called when child was hurt? If the hospital thought child was hurt by mother, they are legally responsible to call CPS?

When are you seeing child now?

Keep documenting and always tape of have a witness who video tapes the child exchanges. You can make it that someone else picks child up or if child is in pre-school and then school, you can do the exchanges at school. Right now, you can even do it in a police station parking lot where they tape their parking lot or do it in their lobby so they can oversee the exchange.

The less interaction the better. Email or text only so you have proof. Let phone go to voicemail and allow one number so you can have a life. Ignore her unless it is an immediate concern for the child and then text her a one or two word answer and ignore again.

If it gets ugly again, you can ask for harassment charges and get a restraining order so she can not be near you.

[onyxruby]

I have documentation that shows at least two of her six hospitalizations. I have documentation from one the two times CPS took her to court and took my stepson away from her before I met her. She claims she is on meds and perfectly ok, yet I have a hard believing that someone who would try to start a fistfight with someone holding their small child at the time is mentally stable. One the false accusations I honestly can't tell if she really believes them or is simply lying through her teeth. It will be interesting to hear her try to explain things if I get a chance to present evidence that her idea of reality lives in la-la land.

I've been told by at least four different medical professionals that they called CPS on my wife over the incident with the PICU (two at the hospital, one at a different hospital and my stepson's therapist). I kept waiting for CPS to contact me, yet somehow the fact that the BM stood around and did nothing for 20 minutes after he got into her medicine (my stepson finally told me about it and I called the ambulance) was never relayed to them. They told me if they had known the rest of the facts at the time they would have opened an investigation at a minimum. By the time they talked to me more than 90 days had passed and they said they couldn't reopen the investigation!!!!

I see my son half time now. When she lost it in March (she initially was going to check herself into the hospital and changed her mind when I wouldn't agree to her mom taking the kids) and left I got an OFP against her to protect my son and stepson. Her attempted OFP against me - which she only tried to get after finding out I got one against her - was denied for all requested relief but I still had to show up and defend myself. At the OFP hearing the first GAL said that if I pressed and succeeded that my stepson would also be taken away from her and would be psychologically devastated for life (he remembers the second time in foster care). I ended up agreeing to half custody of my son to keep my stepson out of foster care and have regretted it ever since.

Even since the incident in June with the second set of false accusations all exchanges are done at the respective police stations. I've also brought a recorder to every interaction with her of any kind since. Every email or text with her is saved and I don't call her at all. I try to bring a witness with me as frequently as possible to exchanges. It's amazing how much more civil she became after she found out I was recording our interactions. I'm not the type to go around recording people without their knowledge, I didn't even own a recorder when all of this started, yet without that to exonerate me I would have been arrested and she would have gotten my son.

The thing that frustrates me with all of this is that I am supposed to show willingness to work with her on parenting matters when it's not safe for me to be around her!

[Spaceman1982]

I have been there and done that. My ex was the abusive one. We both got arrested the last day we were together cuz of how nevada law is. She tried to play that "he abused me card" to all that would hear. CPS was involved and as typical bought the mom' side. Good thing for me, safe nest, had a counselor at all the meetings with CPS. That lady actually pinned her as the abuser and me abused. CPS said no way a male could. But in court, when I brought the safe nest expert up to the stand and she gave her professional opinion, it helped me out.

All Im trying to say is your documentation will go along way!

[ocean]

You can negotiate a little. Agree to Joint legal custody but that you have physical custody (more time then her). Joint legal is for picking schools, medical decisions, etc. SO if you are the one taking child, you make the decision. She then can take child to dr too (but so what?).

Where are you in the court process? Do you have a hearing scheduled? Trial scheduled (different than a hearing)?

Keep documenting, if she screws up again, then do what needs to be done. Practice low contact with ex. Email school info or some people use an online journal/calendar to add dr appts, school activities, and notes or send a notebook back and forth with child. Only answer what needs to be answered. Our ex even after 5 years of no contact STILL tries to engage us. That is what she wants. Read her craziness, laugh about it, shake her head, and move on with your day.