stepson living here now--anything we need to know?

[hopeful_25]

I was wondering if there is any legal things that we are not aware of in the future.  My DH and BM have joint legal with her having full physical custody.  About a month ago, ss came to live with us "permanantly".  He has only went to her house once since.  We are trying to encourage him to visit her but he absolutely refuses. I would like for him to spend the day with her on mother's day but he is adiment that she was very abusive on the final day before he came here.  We drive 30 min to school every day, 30 min back, then 30 min to go get him, and 30 min back.  (We also have 2 of our own kids to get to school).  Thank God school is almost out.  He is going to go to school here next year but BM is in denial and still thinks he will come back.  Is there anything we should be aware of?--he is 11.  Thanks in advance for any advice.

[Ref]

Is it court ordered that you are primary residential?

What I would do is tell him how absolutely gut wrenching it was that BM had him move in with you and that her emotions probably overwhelmed her. Explain that that happens to people all the time and that he is the one that can fix it. He needs to have the power to forgive her for what she said. He needs to imagine how he would feel if the situation was reversed.

There is a great quote someone has pinned to thier posts going something like this: Resentment is like taking poison and waiting for the other person to die. At 11, I doubt he would understand. The valuable lesson for him in this situation is that he DOES have to power to fix the problem by forgiveness and understanding. It can be fixed today.

I suggest after talking to him about forgiveness and understanding, you ask him to call his mom. Tell him it just needs to be for 5 minutes and then he can go, but the pain in him wont go away until it is fixed and the pain in his mom wont go away either.

Do you have a good relationship with the mom? If so, maybe the 3 of you could go out.

Anyway, good luck. I can't imagine all the hurt that is going on with SS and BM.

Ref