Parenting Consultant

[Apple]

Does anyone have experince with a Parenting Consultant?  In DH divorce they are required to use a PC before bringing issues to court. 

They had one for the last 16 months or so, but BM refused to follow the PC decision after about 14 months.  BM filed in court to have the PC removed, she was denined.  The PC then resigned becuase she felt she was ineffective (and really she was since BM wouldn't communicate with her).

In the 8 page agreement BM and DH signed with the previous PC, there is a clause about choosing a new PC when/if needed.  The current PC sends a list of 5 names and BM and DH go back and forth stricking names until one is left.  BM refused to participate.

DH's attorney filed for a hearing for a PC to be appointed (court date in January).  BM will be pro se.  BM is telling DH she can not be forced to spend money on a PC and will not ever use one again. 

It's very clear to me (and any sane person) that BM and DH need a PC.  Mediation won't work because BM will walk away and change her mind.  A PC's decision is court binding after two weeks if a motion to vacate the decision wasn't filed in court. 

I'm very concerned that BM will get away with not using a PC.  How can the courts force her to use one?  She is low-income (by choice), and we've offered to pay her part if she pays us $10 a month back.  BM wouldn't do it. 

[Kitty C.]

As for BM's aversion to using a PC, your atty. must impress upon the court of her refusals thus far and her acknowledgement that she will refuse to participate in the process in the future.  I would recommend that your atty. then request the court to award primary physical custody to the father, since he HAS shown his willingness to participate in the process...which in turn shows that he would also be willing to foster a continuing relationship between BM and child.

If BM refuses to participate, make it difficult for her to say no.  But given her track record, you better have sanctions built into any temp. or final order in the event that she refuses to 'play nice'.  And by sanctions, I mean consequences in the event she refuses to follow the order.  Like if she refuses to allow your DH parenting time, then parenting time WILL be taken away from her.  That any refusal in her part to follow the order will be met with filings of contempt.

Regardless of whether all this can be done, just standing firm and showing BM that your DH will not back down....and, in fact, is pre-empting any wrong move she thinks about making...may make her reconsider her refusal to participate.

[ocean]

Yep, get really detailed visitation plans with dates when possible, times of exchanges, place of exchanges, what happens when child is sick, funerals on both sides of family including step families, allowed at all school and community events, etc... Look on this site for the most detailed one.

Then a sentence that states if visitation is denied, father will file contempt charges on first denial and the courts will put sanctions that see fit, including father's lawyer fees and make-up time. If mother continues to deny parenting time, the father request change in custody. 

What are some of the issues that you need a parenting consultant? Maybe we can help form language to put into a court order and skip the consultant?

[Apple]

There is already an order in place, but the PC is used for all issues BM and DH can't agree on (even issues already addressed in the order i.e. changing exchange place/time).  DH and BM used the PC to decide what schools the kids will attend (did that twice, the 2nd time BM had the decision overturned by a judge), make up time for DH when BM withheld the kids last year, pick up locations, clarify holidays.  PC also met with BM when we learned from the kids that step dad and BM were slapping the girls in the mouth. 

Basically the PC can decide any issue not related to CS, and the PC can not change custody.

An example of a current issue we need a PC for, oldest SD lied to DH this weekend about having homework.  BM emailed DH complaining daughter didn't get her work done.  DH wants to speak to daughter about lying to him but BM turns off the ringers in her house so no one answers the phone.  She aknowleges DH is trying to get a hold of daughter and claims the phones didn't work, but BM didn't have daughter contact DH either, so...  DH wants to establish specific phone contact rules. 

It's stuff like this that goes on and on and unless BM has specific rules she'll find a way to disrupt things. 

[Apple]

Had our court date last week.  It was quite entertaining.  If you've read my past post you'll know that BM was allowed to change kids school district without DH approval this summer.  She enrolled them in the new school without telling DH.  The PC had ruled that kids stay put school-wise.  BM filed to have that decision reversed, and got her way.  It was a shock to us, our attorney, and the PC. 

So fast foward to court last week.  Keep in mind we were just in court in August for the school decision.  The judge opens the hearing with "I'm going to begin this hearing with a quote to Mrs. BM.  Don't look a gift horse in the mouth."  I almost started laughing.  I'm pretty sure BM doesn't know what that phrase means.  Judge continued with, "I bent over backwards for you in the school decision."  He then told BM and said he was going to leave the courtroom for 10 minutes.  And in that time if a PC wasn't picked, he'd pick it and also make some other judgements. 

So, there really wasn't a discussion about the PC.  It was pretty clear it wasn't up for discussion.  BM of course whined she couldn't afford it.  Attorney was able to mention that BM recently told DH, BM is planning on taking the kids to Disney World this summer.      Attorney commented to the judge it's not a lack of money, but a lack of priorities.   We were also filing for attorney's fees...

Never had a good time in family court, but this came close.

[Kitty C.]

WOW!  I would have had a stroke just trying to keep the laughter at bay!  Sure painted her in a corner, too! 

Isn't it fun to be able to thumb your nose at the ex without even lifting a finger??  It's called 'karma' and the BM did it to herself all by herself.  I have no sympathy for them when they're that stoopid....