I could really use some advice/help...

[hopeful25]

My dh is NCP and bm is CP.  SS is 13 and has always lived with her and visited us eow regularly through the week until this last March.  He came to live with us full time.  SS saw bm 1x in April  and 1x in May. SS and bm had a huge blow out and really do not talk.  We encourage him to call (he won't) or when(if) she calls, we have him talk to her.  We drove him to school every day 20miles until school was out.  We were suddenly full time with him which is exactly what we wanted.  I feel like she has fallen off the earth.  DH is thrilled he is living here.  SS seems happier and very well adjusted. bm agreed to take dh and ss shopping for school clothes.  Great  but that is about it.  We asked if she wanted him 2 days last week and she said no. DH doesn't  want to have anymore fighting so he won't draw up new papers(it might make her mad).  She wants everything in her favor(ie taxes).  I wanted to know if we really should have papers drawn up.  I just don't trust her.  I also understand the reasons for dh not wanting to go to court either(she usually draws it out---$ we don't have).  Today I heard she has a part-time job so she can buy new things.  I recently had to go part-time at my job.  Should we persue cs?  If this situation were the other way around, you know she would.  I just feel like we should at least have papers stating dh is physical custody.  Any thought would really help releive my worry. Thanks.

[Giggles]

CYB - "Cover your butt!!"  Sadly vindictive X's have a way of skrewing over everybody including the child.

SO...YES, you should seek a formal change in custody.  Now if you think she will freak about the CS (are you still paying btw?), you can try to get it stipulated that "CS will be reserved until a later date".  That way after the hoopla dies down, and you've "established" SS in your household, you can go to the local CSE office and file for it.  She'll have a cow, and most likely will try to get the custody reversed (but the child is established and a judge will tell her tough) but not much she can do in that instance except pay up....

Course I'm no lawyer and it's a crap shoot in the "Family court".

About the only thing there is to "releive your worry" is that SS is 13 and a judge is more likely to listen to his wishes as to where he would like to live....you do need to get a formal order though...just to protect yourselves!!!

[Stirling]

In a situation like this timing is an important factor to consider.  I think that the more time that goes by where SS is living with you the better chance you will have in having custody changed.  The more time that SS lives with you the more ties he is establishing in your household.  Maybe you should consider registering SS in your school system and waiting until SS has started school before filing for a change in custody.  

[hopeful25]

Thank you!  I feel better knowing that I am not over reacting.  SS is registered with our school and is to start here.  As for cs, we haven't had to pay since 01  (I believe) due to the amount of time we had ss and we were to pay half of med., half clothes, half school books, half lunches, etc.  --and we do all the driving.