Do I stand a chance?

[Lunarfaze]

I am a father with 30% custody. For the last 2 years my daughter has been failing school in her mothers care. My ex will not communicate with me. She will not even give me her home phone number. Within the last six months I have had to call the police due to her hacking my private information on my website, my daughter has complained that she isn't fed in the morning before school, I've gotten calls from the school that she hasn't been provided with lunch, and now my ex has moved her new boyfriend into her one bedroom apartment and my ex and the new boyfriend are sleeping in the living room where my daughter can walk in on them at any time. My ex has put a bed in the living room and hung a black sheet around it from the ceiling.  My ex also took my daughter out of state during Springbreak and did not follow the itinerary as per CO. In that instant I had to call the police to get a hold of her because no one knew where they were. She had called in sick to work and kept my daughter out of school so they could stop in another state on the way home and go snowboarding. I called the police because she would not return my calls and I was concerned about my daughters safety. Since then she has kept my daughter out of school because she was running late and instead had taken my daughter to work for the day. Just today my ex informed me that she would not being following the CO for Father's Day and now I have to go down there and get help from the local police to see my daughter on Father's Day.  Even then I'm sure she will try her best to not be home.  I want to seek physical custody of my daughter. Being with her mother is no longer in her best interest. Do I stand a chance?

[Giggles]

Not really.  Sad I know, but family law just really stinks!!  Unless you can prove with out any doubt that the BM is on drugs, physically abusing the child or putting the child in danger...you don't have much of a chance.

Now...you may not get custody..>BUT you could probably improve your D's living situation if you were to file.  AGAIN SAD...but often times when CP's are faced with the possibility of losing child support...ie custody, they straighten thier act out do what they are supposed to be doing.

You say go down there?  How far apart do you live?  Can you try for a 50/50 placement?  Atleast the child would be well taken care of 1/2 the time.  If you are denied visitation on father's day, get a police report and file for contempt.  You want to do this EVERY TIME she doesn't follow the CO...then once there are a few of these you could try for a custody reversal???  

[Giggles]

nm

[notnew]

There are lots of questions to be answered before anyone can say you may have a chance or not.

1. How far apart do you live.
2. What kind of custody is in place.
3. Who has legal custody - one or both?
4. Has the shcool raised concerns with grades, absences, failure to be fed properly?
5. Do you have documentation of the contacts with the school over failure to be fed properly?
6. Are you in a stable enough environment to be able to have the child full time?
7. How old is the child?

I respectfully disagree with Giggles. The fact that family courts are backwards and don't always make the best decisions is right. However, what you are dealing with here are SERIOUS "best interest of the child" issues.

It is not in the best interest of the child to:

Fail in school
Not attend school regularly
Not eat properly
Be denied contact with the other parent
Not have a stable home to live in.

IMHO - and I am not a lawyer so this is just me talking, that the best thing to do would be to file for a Modification in Custody based on the facts you can prove.

ANYTHING that you know about, but you cannot PROVE is not worth mentioning. Sad, but true. You must have solid evidence. School records, medical records, etc. Supbonea school officials for testimony if necessary. You should ask the court to order a custody evaluation to determine if a custody change is in the child's best interest. If you have police reports or names of police officer's who have been involved, supbonea them too and the records to support the actions you have had to take to find out where your child is.

Remember, you hit the nail on the head when you said child's best interest. You need to keep all your filings, and communications with all involved in the case on that wavelength.

Don't talk about how the mom is, what she does personally, etc., always keep things centered around child's best interests. Mom taking extended vactation that causes child to miss school is not in child's best interests. Mom not allowing you to have regular contact with child is not in child's best interests, on and on. Mom allowing child to possibly witness adult relations/situations is also NOT in child's best interests.

If you feel comfortable with the legal system, you can certainly proceed Pro-se, but you'd better have your ducks in a row and follow procedure. If you don't feel comfortable, I suggest you employ a lawyer if you can afford it. Shop around for one who will best represent your case.

I don't support just lettnig things go. Sometimes, it is necessary to let some things go for a time, but waiting too long looks like you didnt' care either and you are just making allegations out of spite and if you complain too often, you appear to be using the court to harass. Your child is the most important thing here and you need to try to get the court to focus on that. BM will try to bring a lot of other issues into play to cloud what you have brought to light. Don't be drawn into these issues and when others try to force you to focus on them, repeat that you are here becuase of the poor care your child is receiving and that is what you want to address. The rest can be worked out later.

I also suggest you post on Socrateaser's board. He is a wealth of information and can really give you the skinny on your real legal options.

[Giggles]

I was just giving him my honest opinion based on my experience with family law.  My X-BF had all kinds of documentation proving that the mother of his son was not acting in the best interest of the child.  He couldn't prove that BM was on drugs.  He couldn't prove that the child was put in dangerous situations (riding in the front seat of a car with NO child safety seat) and with out that proof, the judge denied his petition for custody...BUT it did cause the BM to straighten up and do right by the child (thankfully).


I also agree that SOC would be the man to ask!! :-)

[Lunarfaze]

Answers:

1. We live approx. 45 miles apart

2. Right now there is 70/30 custody with my ex having 70.  At the beginning of our divorce my ex accussed me of being a sex addict and also accussed me of having "anger issues".  I had a bad lawyer and ended up with no over nights until there was a 730 evaluation and then regular visitation became 70/30 with a note in the evaluation that I should be given more custody time after about 6 months.  It is long past 6 months and I know that I should have filed for that about 6 months ago.

3. We both have legal custody although my ex repeatedly does whatever she wants.  About 1 1/2 years ago she moved and enrolled my daughter in a different school and wrote down her boyfriend at the time as her future father and told the school that I had no legal rights.  I had to go to the school with CO, put myself on the emergency info, etc... The boyfriend that my ex has now is a different guy and I saw the twin bed in the living room with the sheet hanging from the ceiling to conceal it myself from the door of the apartment myself last time I dropped my daughter off.

4. The school concerns have been raised and addressed.  Since my daughter has been tested and found to not have any learning disabilities, and has tested out of special ed help the school has pointed the finger at my ex and now my ex is changing my daughter's school.  No, she did not consult me, she told me.

5. Since the school called me about the lunch problem and informed me at that particular time that they could not reach my ex I can only guess that it has been noted.  I am not sure though.

6. I am in an extremely stable environment.  My daughter has her own room at my home, she has a step brother here and a new brother on the way.

7. The child is 8.


Today we went to pick up my daughter and she ofcourse was not there.  I called the police and they had me go to the station and pick up court violation paperwork to file.  I will do so in the next couple of days.  

All of my daughters educational issues are well documented.  She has been under an IEP for the last three years.  This last week there was a meeting and neither my ex wife or the school informed me. Last week when I picked my daughter up for visitation the teacher informed me about the meeting and also told me that my ex didn't go.  I'm going in to speak with the psycologist this upcoming week.  

[armywife]

My husband was able to get a modification to primary custody based on mostly school issues.  He was very involved as my stepson had learning difficulties.  The teachers got to know and trust him.  As a result, they testified in court on his behalf which was extremely beneficial.  There was no drugs or abuse on the part of the biomom.  If you would like to know more, let me know.