Seeking 50/50 custody of 2 month old son

[FloridaDad84]

Thanks in advance for any help!

Quick backstory: Mom and I split 3 weeks after birth (never married).  She is very bitter. He's now 2 months old, and neither of us have gone to an attorney (that I'm aware of), filed for child support, been to mediation, etc.  Our son lives primarily with the mother (has slept all but one night with her since birth), but I see him regularly (6-10 hours during the day most days so mom can work - I work for myself), and really want 50/50 custody moving forward.  Neither of us have paid a dime yet because he's on medicaid and we got a lot from baby showers - well, I paid for circumcision and some formula, and paid her rent once to be helpful.  I don't want to screw the mom at all, and I believe she's a good mother to him, but she's always threatening to screw me, so I want to protect myself and my relationship with my son.  She has threatened to move him to her parent's home (an hour away), threatened that I'll never see him if I don't live up to HER expectations, and most recently threatened to move him to California.

I don't need 50/50 right now if it's not in the child's best interest (she is breastfeeding exclusively if possible), but I don't want to be accommodating to the point that I screw myself.  I've asked her multiple times to work on a parenting plan with me, and asked her to come with me to mediation to help in this regard.  She refuses.  I've asked her to at least make a schedule with me defining when each of us will have him.  She refuses to put anything in writing, and will only discuss as far as one week out.   I'm also trying to avoid spending a fortune on legal fees, which is why I keep asking her to agree to mediation.  I know she has no money saved, so this will only benefit her, yet she refuses.

I've recently started keeping track of the times that we each have him during the week.

My main concern is getting 50/50 physical custody, because I really want to be involved heavily in his life, and I am emotionally, financially, and otherwise stable.  So what can I do to help in this regard? Do I need to approach the court first? Is there something specific I need to file since she refuses to work on a parenting plan with me?  Like I said, I'm ok with being flexible right now, but I don't want to be helpful only to have her serve me with child support documents and find out she's tried to take full custody.

[ocean]

What you put into the first order will be VERY VERY hard to change so be very careful. This is a baby BUT you can protect yourself in the first set of papers. Most courts count over nights for joint physical. She can pump into bottles (which she must be doing if you are watching baby while she is at work?) so you can have him overnight doing same thing.



File for joint legal custody and joint physical custody. After papers are filed, then you can ask her to come up with schedule between the two of you. Be prepared that once you file, she pulls the times you see child. Ask the courts in the first petition to order temp visitation so you can see child while you deal with months of court. Ask for First Right of Refusal so mom has to use you for a "babysitter" before anyone else.

You can agree to a plan until baby is 1 years old, the put the parenting plan will change to XYZ...then at 3 years old...the for school age....

Parenting plans need to have dates/times/ locations for pick ups. Needs to have holidays times/days, birthdays of parents and child, father's day, Halloween,.... Some holidays may be longer than one day. Look on line for good schedules.

If you do not put it in papers, you do not have it. If it is not specific you do not have it. When you put in paperwork for custody, she will counter with child support so be ready for the guideline amount to be ordered. Look up your states child support calculator online and input numbers. My state is 17% of your salary for 1 child. You can get credit for having child half time but it is a hard sell in most courts in the US. Most judges use overnights to do child support, so even if you have baby every day Mon-Fri but sleep at mom's...may not count.

Interview lawyers, see who will fight for father's rights. Go to family court, sit in waiting area, listen. Find someone good. If you go for a first meeting with any law firm, mom can not use that law firm after that.