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[tigger]

I found this article very interesting.

http://www.focusonthefamily.com/parenting/single_parents/custody_issues.aspx

[MixedBag]

Yes....that was good.

[tigger]

Granted it only works when you're dealing with two mentally and emotionally healthy people.  When I went through my separation/divorce I refused to date until 6 months after the divorce was final.  (divorce took 18 months, was only supposed to take 12). I didn't see any point in dragging anyone else into my situation (3 was already too many) and I wanted to heal from the hurt before giving my heart to anyone.  Also, having the drop off and pick ups at my ex in-laws for a while after the initial break up helped also.  It kept my focus on the best interests of the boys and not on making his life miserable.  My dad gave me excellent advice.  1) The best revenge is living well.  2) You and M are divorcing.  Period. The boys aren't divorcing either parent or either set of grandparents. 3) No badmouthing the ex or the new stepparents.  The boys will develop their own opinion without you.  4) Don't try to make his life miserable. He runs from problems rather than facing them and fixing them. It's easier to fix a bad marriage than it is to divorce, remarry and try to make that one work. His life will be miserable without your help and he'll have no one but himself to blame.

Daddy was right.

[Kitty C.]

WOW!!!  Does he know DH's ex??  Because he's describing her to a T!!  DH also learned that living well is the best revenge....I think it still blows her mind that we've been together for almost 15 years!

Daddy sure does know best!   

[tigger]

LOL! My dad lived it.  He can't figure out why his ex hates him so much but doesn't waste his time trying to figure her out.  He will, however, be beyond nice to her if he sees her (40+ years post divorce) and laughs when it obviously freaks her out.

[Kitty C.]

DH is scared to be 'too' nice to BM....he's worried she might think he wants her back!!!  And yes, she WOULD think that! 

Tigger, tell your dad the reason why she hates him so much is simply because he's followed his own advice.....and she's pissed as hell that he's SO happy without her!  She wants him to be just as miserable and angry as she is....THEN she would be happy.  If she can't be happy, then she doesn't want him to be, either. Perverted, I know....but that's why we call the exes crazy, isn't it?  Little have they figured out that no one is responsible for their happiness except themselves.

[tigger]

Yeah, he tried to friend her on facebook (she declined) and commented on a photo of one of their joint grandkids that the "kids have grown up nicely and have great kids of their own.  We should be proud of them."  Pretty innocuous but she totally freaked.

[Kitty C.]

OMG...40 years and she still acts like it happened yesterday!  That lady needs to get a LIFE!  Cuz you know darn well she dwells on that practically every day!  She feels 'persecuted' because she thinks that he makes those comments just to get back at her for whatever reason only SHE can perceive....without realizing SHE is the one who's trying to get back at him!  He's moved on, she's stuck in the 70's.....

[Spaceman1982]

My exs ex roommate told me to print out my exs MySpace page for a court situation I had. So I went to do it and went straight to the date of the comment I needed. After I printed it out I noticed a post that made me laugh so hard. It said "I've moved on. I'm over you". Which was a month after my wedding. Kinda like who are you trying to convince.