HELP! 50/50 Joint Physical Custody NJ???

[TahitiPearl]

My fiance has been divorced from his ex-wife for 3 years. He has two children from that marriage 4 years old and 7 years old. The children are suffering from their mother's negligence and bitterness post-divorce. The father currently has joint legal custody and alternating weekends for visitation and holidays.

We live 6 minutes away from the mother and he would like to have joint physical custody of the children 50/50  time his children as they have not been thriving in the current situation.

For the past 4 months, she agreed to allow him to keep the kids for half a week in additon to his normal alternating weekends. However, whenever she is in a bad mood she will revoke that schedule and demand that they stick to the court schedule, only to ask to begin the schedule again. This is also while the father is paying child support for the 2 children.  This back and forth situation of course adds to the instability in the lives of the kids.

The 7 year old missed 11 days of school and was late 20 times to school

The 7 year old has been mandated to attend summer school to avoid being held back

The 7 year old's teacher has stated that he is often unprepared for school, tired and falling asleep in class.

The 7 year old's report card and progress report (signed by the mother) also states that he has maintained a "D" average in school.

The mother works from 7AM-7PM and is unable to provide daily structure to the children and the father works from 9-2PM and is available to help with homework, extracurricular activities etc...

She refuses to consult the father on anything important involving the children's school or other important details...

We have recordings of the 7 year old stating that the mother had bad mouthed his father to him...telling him his father is a cheater and she has also reprimanded him for confiding his father.

The 7 year old has repeatedly asked his mother and father if he can live with his father and the mother tells him NO.

My fiance filed a police report against the mother and her live-in boyfriend who beat the four year old. He took his daughter to the precinct to file a report and pictures were taken.

The mother refuses to allow the children to speak their father during the week...this has been going on for 8+ months. When he calls to speak to the children, she refuses to answer the phone.

Both children look dirty and unkempt. She has threatened to attack me for fixing her daughters hair. She has also revoked parenting time from the father if I fix the daughter's hair. We've taken pictures to prove how filthy they look.

How feasible is it for my fiance to get joint physical custody given these circumstances? We live in the same area (though a better neighborhood than the mother). My fiance doesn't care about the child support and if he has to still pay...he is concerned for the well-being of his children.

ANY insight would be helpful!!!! (State of NJ)

[ocean]

Her work schedule may help getting more time. Ask for every school day and she can pick them up a few nights (like you were doing?). You can use the school records to prove she can not get them there on time and that older one is failing. Who is watching kids before and after school? He can ask for it to be court ordered that he is the first to be called to watch kids for mother before anyone else (called first right of refusal).

If kids are that dirty, bring them to their dr and have it documented the condition children are coming to you. The dr is required to report it if they see neglect. Even if it takes a few times appointments to show dr this is an on-going issue. Has the school nurse called you about the child's dress?

Some people take clothes off children when they walk in door, put in bag, dress them how you want on your days, and then send them back in the clothes they came with. If money is really an issue with mother, buy clothes, take off tags so she can not return them and send them home with kids.

Stop recording and talking to older child about all of this. Do not put child in the middle. If they bring it up, say "this is an adult thing and I am working on it, dont worry, change the subject ....hey, i am going to see you on xx, (whatever).

Document all the days you have the children extra. Send her an email/text confirming your extra pick-ups. Save all texts/emails even if she does not answer. At school sign her out, get copies of the sign out sheet.

Sounds like you have enough to start the case and at least get after school time with the kids. Go see a lawyer in your area for one appt to see what they think judges in your area will do. Ask if you can file, serve and do leg work to save some money.

[TahitiPearl]

So do you think he has a shot at obtaining 50/50 joint custody provided that he lives minutes away, the children are failing in school and have excessive absences and lateness? Its frustrating sometimes to think that father's have no rights in the family court system...

[ocean]

Yes, he has a shot BUT what will the 50/50 schedule be? If she can not be home with them every school night but he can....maybe make a better parenting schedule and have the overnights be 50/50. Something like: Father has children from dismissal at school M through F. Mother will pick up children on Wed/Thurs nights and every other weekend Fril-sunday?   Put times and have more details but if the reason is neglect and failing school, he may try for full custody due to neglect. If the situation is that bad, the court will wonder why you are not asking for custody at this point.

[TahitiPearl]

Father has been advised to file for full custody given the circumstances by his attorney...will give updates!

[MixedBag]

CAREFUL!!!!!

How about keeping joint custody, with the father having PRIMARY RESIDENTIAL custody?

But really.....what about asking for "right of first refusal" first?  And have the kids each evening until Mom gets off work? 

And work your way UP from there in terms of having more time with the kids?