Going through a bad break up

[troypierce]

I have recently moved Ciji, my now exgirlfriend and her daughter, Aaliya 3 years, out my my house.  We have a son together, Andrew 17 monthes.  Ciji and I started dating when Aaliya was only 2 months.  I helped Ciji get off drugs and get a job.  Ciji has changed alot since i first met her and so have I.  Three months after Andrew was born I bought a house, Ciji, Aaliya and Andrew have lived with me the entire time.  Recently Ciji and I have had relationship issues mostly to do with money, however she has been going to the bar everynight the both of us are off work and leaving me home with the kids.  I have no problem staying with the kids. I love them both very much. Also Ciji has started to smoke marijuana again.  I had slowly been telling Ciji that she needs to straighten up and be a part of the family again or I would ask her to leave.  I had finaly had enough,  Ciji got an apartment just on the 1st of September. We both had agreed to share Andrew 50% I would have Andrew when she was at work and she would have Andrew while I was at work. I helped her move even borrowing my fathers truck.  On the 3rd of September she came into my house at 3 am and found me with another women.  Ciji had physically assaulted us both. I pressed charges and the case is still pending.  I felt bad for what had happened so I tried to get the charges dismissed.  I had Andrew everyday after work throughout the week. I then had Andrew the night of the 8th and all day the 9th and all day the 10th.  Even had her daughter Aaliya from 3pm to 9pm while Ciji was working. I helped Ciji move a washer and dryer and hooked them up for her on the 10th.  She then kept Andrew that night. I was trying to be as nice as possible and helping her in everyway.  Then on he moring of Sept 11th Ciji had her brother come to my house and check on me he told her that there was a girls car at my house and that he saw items inside my house which appeared to be female items.  Ciji then came over that morning with our son claiming he had vomited.  I tried to speak to her about Andrew however she was to upset about my visitor even threatening her if she wouldnt leave.  I tried to reason with Ciji however she was very upset. I asked her to leave or I would call the police to escort her out.  She then grabbed up Andrew slammed the door breaking the glass.  I then called and reported what had happeded to the police.  I filled for a no contact to prevent Ciji from coming near me.  However she now has temproary custody. She has told me that I will not see Andrew untill our court hearing in two more weeks.  I can not go that long without seeing my little buddy. I am tearing apart inside as I write this.  I need whatever advise I can receive. My lawyer has so far applied for me to receive temporary custody but has not really told me much.

[backwardsbike]

If you filed the oder of protection then why does she have temorary custody?  it seems like YOU should have the child as she was physically assaultive toward you and on the second occassion intimadating towards you and your visitor.

Have you thought of posting this on soc's board.  Please observe hismadatory guidelines for posting.  he speed reads adn haas to have things in short paragraphs.  he gives the best advice around.

[williaer]

I'm not trying to be judgemental- nosey or pushy- but what would posses you to have an overnight visitor before you have a court order in place? I can't imagine you didn't know that this would be her reaction. It just seems from your post that you moved her out one week and then had a new guest overnight the next. My husband and I lived together for a long time before we were married- so I understand overnight guests and things- but that quickly and when you have no paperwork. She is the automatic legal guardian of that child until you get to court- no matter what you feel is the right thing- when you have a child out of marriage there is only one provable parent to begin with and that is obviously the mother.....You talk about her going out to bars, but clearly you were able to meet someone too- so I don't think she is the only one to blame for the relationship failing. I'm glad that you filed for the custody- but I would expect you will get exactly what you had- or less, if the child is "residing" with her at the time of the hearing. I wish you the best- but remember it took two people to get you in this situation and it will take both of you cooperating to get you through it.