parental rights in adoption

[nancymd]

My son's ex-gf is due any time. He has told her many times that he won't consent and he wants the baby. He has a minimum wage job and has an efficiency apartment. He and I planned for me to take guardianship while he learns to support and care for the baby. I am a 62 year old recent widow on disability.


He has been served with documents for the hearing to dispense with his right to consent and for a waiver of interlocutory decree and the 6 months waiting period to adopt. The reason to remove his rights is listed as a mental illness or deficiency. He has not be evaluated and has never had a diagnosis. He is dyslexic.


Adoptive mother has called me twice to talk me into making him sign. The first time, she was ultra-sweet and talked about how we would all be a part of the baby's life to enrich it[size=78%]. [/size]She is a real estate saleswoman after all. Next time, she spent more time telling me what a horrible person my son was. She even said losing his child was his consequence for not using birth control and leading a bad life. Her husband is a detective and has set it up so if my son goes to the hearing, he will be arrested on an old warrant before he can go into the court room.

I keep searching for anything that would help him and it appears that biological fathers have no rights in adoption. I was aware they didn't have any in abortion but I had always thought adoption was different.

[MixedBag]

Sorry -- I don't have any clues or experience.....but I surely hope you find answers and that someone else here can help.

[nancymd]

I think we are just going to have to give up.


He is basically barred from the hearing since they have set him up for arrest. He was in the wrong. I just don't have the money pay him out like her parents did. They have a program where you pay a percentage of your bond and then you're done except for probation. If I don't pay him out, he could go to jail for years and I'm 62.


There are an unbelievable number of legal ways that a father's rights can be taken from him involuntarily. The only way to get them would involve a LOT of money and time. When I told my son what I'd learned, he cried and hugged me and told me he would find a better girl and make me another grandson.

The girl and her family would have given the baby to anyone but us because they hate my son so much. I keep reminding myself that you can't get something good out of hurting someone.

[tigger]

Any chance she could just be bluffing?

[ocean]

Does he qualify for legal aid in this other case? Have him send a letter to the judge the he does not want to give up his rights (at the very least it will be in that case file). Try and deal with the first case, ask judge to allow you to be at custody hearing and what can be done to get this first case taken care of so the arrest warrant goes away. If he shows up at court that day and they arrest him, they can NOT go on with the adoption that day. They will have to postpone that date.

[sesmama]

So the ex-gf is married? If yes then the husband is going to be the presumed father. If your son wants to challenge an adoption then he is going to have to challenge the paternity first.

[nancymd]

The ex-gf is not married. She is 33 and lives with her mother and stepfather along with her previous child who is drug affected.


I encouraged my son to go along with adoption but at that time, they were going through an agency.  I have concerns about this family (father, mother & her 3 boys). She called me one day out of the blue. I asked her if she had other children. She told me that she did but her husband didn't and she wanted him to have the experience of raising a baby. That put up my red flags. It is not the best reason to adopt. She is a real estate saleswoman. I have worked for realtors and I know they will say what is necessary to make the sale. They are friends of the girl's neighbors and knew her slightly. I know that they are expected a rosy cheeked cherub but are getting a child affected by meth and other drugs.


My son is adopted and all I knew (which told me a lot) was that his birth mother was a hooker/stripper. I expected problems and began to seek treatment early.


Thanks for the info about getting legal aid to help us with the first case and then stall the second case. I'll sit down with him this weekend, present his options and then let him think about it.

[nancymd]

I may have forgotten to mention and can't find where I did. My son would have difficulty raising the baby on the kind of wages he makes. I will be taking guardianship of the baby. My son will likely stay here to learn to care for the baby and bond with him. I live alone, own my own 3 bd, 2 bath home and am on a combination of disability and widows pensions. I lost my husband 7 months ago. I am an amputee. I use a wheelchair at home but have a prosthetic leg to wear to drive myself anywhere I need to go. I have a housekeeper once a week and a handyman who comes as needed. I take care of the house the rest of the week. My housekeeper takes care of anything that is hard for me. ie I have vinyl floors. I use a steam mop for spot cleaning. She gives them a good scrubbing once a week.