Divorcing mom with unborn child

[Samantha May]

My husband and I have been  married a year, are now divorcing, and im now 3 months pregnant. He was abusive physcially, mentally and emotionally. But I have no legal proof, so i wonder if that is applicable in some way. He told me more then once to just leave and get lost and take my child with me. now he has decided he wants to fight me for 50% custody because he is a great father. he has never spent time with a baby in his life. i suggested mediation and we'd agreed on terms, where i would have full legal and 70% physcial custody and he would have 30. with his work schedule he is incapable of having more. he has no family in the state or friends. no support system and is not part of any groups religiously or non religiously. he has absolutely no help if he needed it and no experience. he has burned all bridges with my family and isnt apologetic for what he has done. hes also determined to get over nights with the baby while i am breastfeeding...

i know legally he has a right to 50% custody with our child. but with his background of abuse and neglect, i moved out after a difficult incident with him and am terrified of what he will do with the baby. he also has a habit of going out and drinking when he is upset. i do not think him fit as a father, and though he has no family in state, from visiting them I know they are also not doing the children in the family justice and are not taking care of them by any means. the not even 2 year old rode around in teh car without a carseat and was given a bottle of soda past midnight when he really should have been in bed, and the 5 year old was still wetting her pants multiple times a day.

i understand the importance of a child to have both parents. and i am not trying to take away his ability to see our daughter. but i do not want him harming her in any way and i have absolutely no trust in him. im willing to give him 30 physical custody, but i dont want him having overnights till the baby is on solid food, and during that time with his visits he will learn how to properly take care of her, learn how to be around a baby, and with my supervision i can make sure he is being a trustworthy person. he sees my proposal as completely unreasonable and says if he fights for more, he'll get more. would it be a good assumption to say that if he ended up taking me to court i could fight for supervised visitation because of his background and sole custody? or even with all of that he still could end up with 50%? im nervous and terrified our girls upbringing and want her to have the most stable family life she can.

[ocean]

Few things...

Joint legal custody means that BOTH parents will make major decisions on medical procedures and schooling.
Joint Physical is splitting the time- usually in half.

Joint legal is the norm now as both parents have rights.

Breast feeding does not matter with parenting plan as you can pump into bottles so the father bonds too.

Infant visitation is usually a few days a week for a few hours AWAY from you/your house. The father should not have his own time with child just like you. Ask him to take a infant CPR class (you too) and parenting class. First days home of course visits should be in your house but as soon as you put the baby in the car to go somewhere (dr appt, store, grandma) the baby can go to dad's. After a few weeks/months he should be able to have overnights and switch over to schedule that meets both of your needs (his work schedule, when you go back to work). If he is off and you need a babysitter, he should be called first.

The DV was not done to a child and if you do not have a police report it won't hold up much in court. Give him a change to parent, first few times with you but then if he feels comfortable, he should be able to bring child to his house.

He should have: essentials at his house for baby (pack a play to sleep or crib), diapers, clothes, bottles come from you (he should start paying child support to help pay for these items).

Court is very very stressful so maybe agree to the first week/month plan and see how it goes. Will he go to a couples counseling in regards to parenting child together? Courts can make you go every month, for months and months. Many people spend over a year in court especially when baby is that young and each side wants changes as the baby gets older.

Your first plan is very hard to change so you can have a gradual plan in place. When child is 0-1, father has child xxx from 1-3 years old...father has child....xxx   What happens at school age? Holidays? Vacations for both parents? Summer? School vacations? birthdays (child and each of you), fathers day, mothers day, halloween....
Look on here for many plans and see what things you may need now and in the future. If you do not write it now, you do not have it. It is NOT easy to change no matter what they say...

Hope things get a little smoother for you...