Need Advice - Suspected Drug Use

[gemini3]

It's been a while since I've posted.  BM has been relatively quiet due to airtight custody agreement signed by the judge a couple of years ago, and also she has been distracted by drama with her new BF's wife.  (Yes, her new boyfriend has a wife.  And she's fighting with her.  I'm just glad to be off the radar.)


A couple of things have happened over the last 9 months or so that have been concerning, but we haven't had enough info to do anything about it.  In the first instance, SKids had a sleepover with a friend while at BM's house.  When they got back home they tell us that the girl's parents had called after she went home because some pills (vicodin) fell out of her sleeping bag.  There was some question as to who's pills they were... never could pin down anything, so we let it go and just made notes in our journal.


Then a couple of months ago SKid #2 comes home from BM's house, and tells us that while she was over there she accidentally took some pain medication.  (Haha, real funny.)  Apparently BM was keeping prescription meds in the aspirin bottle, and 13 yo took one.  Again, can't prove it, and no point trying to pin down a compulsive liar, so just noted it in the journal.


So this weekend my husband gets a text from BM asking him to call her at her work number.  She is an RN, and can't talk on her cell at work, so he called her.  Apparently she thought she texted someone else, and thought that's who was calling... and she asked him for drugs before she realized who it was.  Once she did, she promptly hung up.  But he called her back and got it recorded.  Of course, on the recording she is lying through her teeth saying she thought it was something else, etc, but it is clear on the recording that she is lying.  She is VERY nervous and changes her story multiple times.


So my question is - what should we do with this information?  My first thought is that we should take it to her supervisor at work because (1) she used a work phone to call someone for drugs, (2) she's obviously using drugs, probably while at work, and (3) she was in a patient's room when she was making the call.  That's who's phone she called from.


My concern is that going to her work is kind of one of those lines that I think you should never cross.  And I know that if we cross it, she's going to think that kind of thing is fair game and we'll have no end of drama at our workplaces. 


But on the other hand, I feel like I have an obligation to the patients in her care to protect them.  I also know that we would have a hard time getting concrete proof that she's using.  But if we take it to her employer and they do a drug test - that is something we can use.


Any thoughts?

[ocean]

Wow...
Yes, call human resources at her job and ask for an appointment with HEAD (supervisor may cover for her). There is always an administrator on duty (AOD) at hospitals so you can ask to speak to them and then go in and see them since it is a holiday week. Then play the tape, say do not take it from me, but watch her as this is what just went down here. She may be stealing pills, who knows....Then after meeting, email this person to confirm so you have proof. Holy cow.... 

How old are kids now?
You can add to current court order drug testing for all parties? It would need to be specific as so what they are testing to and if she has prescription for it, harder to prove if she has a trace in her system. Go for supervised visits or when she tests clean?   After that on tape, pretty good reason so stop visits until hearing it set.

[gemini3]

The kids are 13 and 16 now.  So I think we probably won't get supervised visits because of their ages.  We are really hesitant to go back to court for anything.  Every time we have it costs thousands of dollars, the kids are under an extraordinary amount of stress, and we only take a tiny baby step forward.  Compulsive liars do very well in family court.  We went to a court ordered mediator for several years, and all she did was use that to manipulate and cause drama.  We asked to have it stopped because she was failing to follow through on the mediators request for her to get individual counseling.


The only time we've been able to get anywhere is when she's been under the gun for some other drama that she creates in her life, and we can use that for leverage.  Losing her job, getting divorced, etc.  It sounds horrible just typing that out, but it's unfortunately the truth of the way things work when you're dealing with psycho BM's.  You have to give them plenty of rope, and wait until they put it around their necks.  (Which they always do eventually.)


I'm just worried about what kind of crazy retaliation could happen.

[Kitty C.]

Gem, the heck with any retaliation......a patient's life may be on the line here.  She KNOWS she screwed up and she KNOWS that if Admin. goes after her, the only way they would know about it is through your DH.  The only advice I can give him is that if she does retaliate, be prepared.  if she uses the kids to do that, then you've got some leverage.  It is HIGHLY possible she may be brought up on charges, because I can guarantee you that the hospital will be investigating to see if any meds were stolen and if any patient was compromised.  If that happens, anything else is a moot point.

Keep us informed on what happens, Gem!