alienation and visitation problems

[helplessdad]

I have a daughter that will turn 11 next month. I didn't know she even existed until she was 1. My wife and I thought it was best to have the BM at our home visits until my daughter was comfortable. Once my wife and I noticed she was comfortable (about 3 months of visitation had occurred), I asked BM to allow the visitation without her presence (this was not court ordered).

I didn't get to see my daughter again for almost a year. In 2009, I finally took BM to court for official visitation because I usually only got to see my daughter 4 or 5 times a year. Judge made a visitation order after mediation.

Every other Sat 10-5 and Sunday 12-6. When my daughter wasn't sick or didn't have family or friends over, I actually got to see her. In 2012, I took BM back because I was losing precious time with my daughter who was then 8. Judge then modified the order to every other weekend Fri at 6 til Sun at 6.

I got screwed out of most the holidays (BM made sure that her family and beliefs were mort important than mine), no Fathers day, no birthday, no summer, no breaks. That didn't change a thing. BM still picked when daughter came. I had no clue at the time of a rule to show cause. A year and a half ago, BM decided that daughter could pick when she came. I saw her once in June, I had to cancel a visitation in July because we didn't have enough food in the house. I got her for 3 days before Xmas. Havent seen her since.

BM and I have both not followed the visitation order. Daughter is now stating she doesn't want to see me anymore because she doesn't feel like my daughter. I have messaged BM several times to try to work this out, but she reads it and chooses to ignore me. WHAT DO I DO? ??

[jjb322]

You're in Illinois.....you're screwed!  There's nothing you can do.  The judge already ruled.  You both have to follow the order.  Even if you show she is in violation, the judge won't do anything about it.  Maybe a slap on the wrist.  You can try to get joint custody but that will take a lot of money and time.  I would.  You can also try to get a psychological evaluation done for your daughter to show she has been manipulated by your x.  It may not help, but it's the best you can do.  I'm sorry for your situation.  I really am.  Almost every one I know have been screwed by the Illinois Court system.  The court does NOT care about Father's Rights....there's no such thing.  The court will do what they feel is best for the interest of the child...even if you are right....it doesn't matter.  I'm sorry...unless something changes in Illinois, you're screwed.