Help regarding custody.

[lola1990]

My fiance of 3 years has two daughters, 6, and 4.

When we got together his 6 year old lived with him. (He didn't know the 4 year old was his yet) We had her for 6 months with no visits from her 'mother' until she found out about me. She wanted to see her on Christmas. (Holiday mom) We went along with it because the child did want to see her daughter. She had her for 2 days when his mother called to check on her and she told her that 'she was never coming back home' When asked why her granddaughter said that the mother said she thought it would be funny... Anyways, we proceeded to get an attorney just in case she planned on doing something immidiate. We were granted custody of her because of her mothers lack of care. Her mother was granted supervised visits and she showed up one time in three months.. the day before court for 2 hours. We were in court about a year, and had put his daughter through preschool for two years.. her mother not once came to her preschool in two years, and didn't even ask how she was doing. The day of our final courtcase she dropped a bombshell, her other daughter was supposed to be his as well. He took the paternity test an it confirmed he was her father, she admitted to lying to him about conception date and said she really had no idea she was his she just wanted to postpone court. His other daughter, the 4 year old didn't live with the mother either, she stayed with relatives. Up until court he only seem his second daughter on the weekeneds while he still had full custody of the first one. The day of court we had her own family members testify against her... She ended up winning custody because the judge felt bad because she has another kid and he didn't want them to grow up seperately. Which honestly is BS after everything we went through.. (She isn't even allowed at our house because she was holding the oldest daughter threatening to beat everyones a** while the daughter was screaming, we now have to meet at a gas station) The judge told her the if she messed up AT ALL he would take the kids from her. We have the kids Friday-Sunday, while she has sole custody he is allowed everything, the only reason he couldn't do joint custody was because she refuses to talk to anyone, it's always screaming and fighting. He pays child support for them and she will send them over her in size 9 months dresses and use it as a shirt.. with all the money that goes over to them, they should at least have clothes that fit. We have evidence of everything! She lives with her new boyfriends parents.. the girls have come back saying they get hit (you can see bruises) and that they drink alot..

The girls 'live' with her and the oldest goes to school there.. she has now failed kindergarten. After WE put her through preschool for TWO years.... she failed.... Which is a shock, everytime we asked how she was doing her mother would say 'fine.' Not only that, we had told her the youngest needed to go to the dentist (you can see rot on her teeth) After months of her 'making appointments an them being cancelled" we made one, and took her. She has 10 cavities.. her dad made appointments to get them filled on days she was with her mom.. she never took her... Do we have enough to take her back to court and win sole custody. I believe she has proved she in not fit to care for the children, but I don't know how someone else would see it.

Thank you for your time.

[Kitty C.]

'the girls have come back saying they get hit (you can see bruises) and that they drink alot.. 'ANY time you see the girls with bruises, you immediately take them to an ER to get it documented and ask the ER staff to report it to the authorities.  It seems about the only way you would be able to get the girls back is if you can nail the BM with some offense.  As long as the judge stays true to his word, then this might be the straw that broke the camel's back for her.  Get EVERYTHING documented....the dental appts. (get x-rays and treatment plans), documentation from the school, basically anything that point the finger at her neglect.
If you don't have another court date set, give the documentation to your atty. and ask for an emergency hearing (you may get it anyway just by reporting the bruises) and lay out everything the BM's done or hasn't done.  And pray that the judge keeps his promise...

[lola1990]

Yes, we've taken them and shown the bruises, but our attorney just says to document it. We've brought it up in court an the judge says since their young they can make that up. Which is frustrating because we have pictures where you can clearly see fingerprints like they've been grabbed. Even the oldests Preschool teacher said she noticed that when she came back to school on Monday from her moms she even noticed them.. But it doesn't seem like anyone takes it seriously.

We have all the report cards from her school about how well she was doing before she went there, as well as all the proof from the dentist about the cavities (which she denies)

Our attorney said he wants to wait until summer so that they don't have to pull her out of the last two months of school.. I just want to be certain instead of putting the girls through this again.

[tigger]

The preschool teacher is a required reporter.  She should be reporting the bruises when she sees them and could potentially lose her job if she doesn't.

[ocean]

Do you have documentation from the new school about grades? There is a letter on this site that you can use. Under federal law, no matter of the sole custody, he is entitled to all school records from the school. Get the documentation and see how many absences she has this school year. Many states, Kindergarten is not mandated that is why the school is not calling cps (although they should be calling regarding bruising). Call the school nurse and ask them to check her and document what they see. They are mandated reporters.

I would ask the lawyer why you are not filing now as: 1. abuse is NOW and can be seen. 2. schools will be closed to get any info or hard to get teacher in to testify about grades/absences. 3. Even if you filed now, it would take a few times to get to trial.

How far away are you from them now? If you can drive child to school then tell lawyer that. The school should/will allow her to finish since it is very late in the year. If lawyer thinks you have enough, can file now and do the switch at spring break- here it is in 2 weeks.

Now reality, you would need doctor/school witness to abuse and teachers to testify she is failing so mom is charged with educational neglect. You could ask for increase time, giving you the school week to ensure child is thriving in school. This may not get change in custody but make mom do the right thing at least.  IF the cavities are still not taken care of you can also go after medical neglect and force her into getting them fixed. In the end , do what is in the best interest of the child.

[Kitty C.]

The next time you see bruises, take them to the ER.   Medical and educational professionals are required by law to report signs of abuse.  I am a vol. EMT and if I see abuse, don't report it, and it comes to light that I saw and did nothing, I can be fined thousands of dollars and lose my certification for life.  They HAVE to report it.  Document, document, document!  Your atty. might have a valid point, but if one child is failing in kindergarten, I don't see much point in waiting.  It's not like she would lose credits or something like that.
You need an objective 3rd party to report the abuse.....that includes the children's teachers and any other professional who is a mandatory reporter who may have contact with them. Please keep pushing...you are the only ones fighting for these girls because they can't fight for themselves.  And heaven forbid something worse would happen.....