HELP! Rights Fustrated

[rlloyd1975]

Divorce default Feb 2005 & custody/visitation order: mother full custody and father reasonable visitation. It is now 03/07, the mother will not let the kids come visit me. I have visited for their birthdays but with visitation restricted to her house only. I was in phone contact until 03/09/07. For 2 wks I have called between 7-9pm no one answers. I have left messages. The mother says she will not let them come see me until I pay child support, but as far as I knew their was none. I told her to send me proof she never did. I didn't get proof until I tried to visit in 10/06 and went to court house to get the final divorce paperwork. But I did inform her that I would help by paying any bills needed paid or if the kids needed anything I would mail it to them. I have been trying to get my kids to come stay with me even for two weeks in the summer time since 2004. I need to do something so my kids don't think I abandon them. What forms do I fill out to at least get temporarily custody/visitation changed so I can call them and see them. PLEASE HELP! My rights are being frustrated.

I tried to prevent the default. At the time of the divorce I was not much in the position to pay for any help. My ex and I where in agreement on the divorce filing, joint custody and we had agreement on visitation too. But, I was to stupid to realize and she filed for the divorce with her having full custody and me with reasonable visitation. So I sent in what was suppose to be the proper paperwork and fees. Court sent them back saying I was missing a document, sent it back and the fee. They where sent back again and I was still missing a document. At that point I ran into some issues with a new job I was working and was stressed out and over worked. I let the documents slide a few months. Around the same time I got another document from my ex and paralegal wanting me to sign that I received certain documents by a specific date which I didn't receive all that was checked marked. I informed her of this on several occasions waiting for the proper documents before sending mine. I sent mine and was returned stating the fee increased. By the time I realized it was too late the hearing for default was scheduled. I called on the day of the court and spoke with the Judge and tried to explain, but he just told me to file against the divorce that was being filed. That was it. Stupid me decided to trust my ex and stick with what we agreed upon and she was still in agreement on the visitation until Summer came and she said no.

[backwardsbike]

I am so sorry that your trust backfired on you.  It must hurt like heck not to be seeing your children and not to even get to speak to them.  I can understand your feelings that they may think you abandonded them.

Court orders like the one you have are nearly impossible to enforce because the term "reasonable" leaves too much open to interpretation.  What I think you need, although I am not a lawyer is a custody modifcation.

You do not say where you are from or where the divocre was flied.  Most towns have lawyers who do probono work or some type of legal aid society.  I would check the phone book for just such a resource.  If you don't find one, i would call serveral attornys and see if any will give you a free inital consultation.

Your goal seems to be to get regualr vistation established, so you need to be thnking abouthow you would want that to work.  Do you live near the children or far away.  There are excellent parenting plans on htis site that could help you come up with a vistation agreement youthink is fair.
I wish you the best of luck.  kudos to you for wanting to be involved in your children's lives and for being concerned that they might feel abandoned.

[williaer]

You need to get your divorce decree out and look at the financial aspect of it. If there is no order for support- I would be shocked.

Find out what you are supposed to be paying according to the state guidelines, offer to modify your parenting plan and include that amount as the cs and see if she will bite. You should be financially supporting your kids and if you ask for a modification of the divorce decree and you work- you can bet they are going to modify that part of it as well- might as well propose what you know you can pay.

I am no attorney and this isn't legal advice- it's life advice.

[mistoffolees]

But even if you reach agreement with the ex on the parenting plan and support, MAKE SURE THE COURT APPROVES IT. If you and your ex agree, it won't cost much to get it in front of a judge for signature.

There are tons of cases where people reach an agreement but never take it to the court to be approved - only to find out later that they're in big trouble for not doing what the original court order says.

Unless it has the judge's signature, it's useless.

[rlloyd1975]

She will not agree to a parenting plan.. I tried that with her as 2 adults during the divorce. She has not let them come visit me since the divorce started.

I am not worried about custody payments, but I did explain to her up front at the time that I would help out where I can. If it was bills I told her to send me the bill and if it was things my children needed to let me know and I would send money. I did send money from time to time and clothing. But for the past few years I was struggling my self getting my self situated where I now live and was not able to send stuff on a regular basis.

Bottom line right now is, she is preventing me from seeing my children & my children from seeing me and their grand parents. All because she is not getting money. But she says I am not being part of their lives, but thats hard to do when she will not even let them come visit me at all.

She says she will let them come visit if I pay child support, which I am in the position to start sending money on a more regular basis. But my gut feeling tells me she still will not. How can I trust some one, who made agreements with me over the well being of our children and then doesn't follow through. We made a parenting plan before our divorce was even in effect. I was the idiot, but not no more. I should of never left it up to her to file on the behalf of both of us.

it has now been 3 weeks since I last talked to my children. I leave messages almost everyday, but never hear from them, I even left a message to speak with their mother still no phone call.

[mistoffolees]

The answer is simple. Get an attorney and sue for implementation of a proper parenting plan.

If you and she can't work it out, get the courts involved. The longer you wait, the worse your situation will be.

Hint: it is completely illegal for her to interfere with visitation on the basis of a real or perceived failure to pay support.