Custody Investigation Experience Discussion

[mykidsmom2000]

Questions for anyone who's gone through a custody investigation...Ours is past due.  Does that happen often?  I have an uncooperative ex, and I think the investigator is trying to get him to cooperate with things, but she hardly talks to me.  I keep waiting, and she's offered to me three different times that she'll get the report done the next day, or in a day, without me asking, and then doesn't get it done as promised...I think she can tell I'm anxious so that's why she offers that info, but then it doesn't get done.  She seemed to ask questions trying to dig up dirt on my ex when she was talking to the contacts I gave her, and she talked to one specifically that I didn't give her.  I tried to give contacts that wouldn't despise my ex, and she specifically asked to talk to my family member that clashed with my ex the most without talking to me.  I'm hoping this is all good, but scared...any advice or even other experiences...just to help me through this I'd like to hear experiences and advice...

Do they lie to see how you'll handle it?  That's how I'm feeling, but the due date is from the court, and has now been changed multiple times.

[ocean]

Usually they get it done by the court date to make it as accurate as possible. When is your next court date? You can maybe email her and ask for her to forward the report so you have time to look at it before trial/hearing/court.

[mykidsmom2000]

My experience so far...she came late the first day because another case came up, so she came another day, which was fine, but that's all she's been to my house.  Other than that I gave her lots of documentation from the past up to the present for her to review...calendars stating where kids were for first year after break up...which she asked for...and everything else she's asked for of course.  She said she'd get it done by July 9th and didn't.  Then she was supposed to have it done by July 17th and didn't so court date got moved.  Now it's due but not in.  I'm guessing maybe she'll have it in by 10 days before court date which is the law???  I don't know and last week she texted me to tell me she'd call in the afternoon, and then didn't, so I asked if I missed a call, which I didn't, so she called in the evening then, but told me the report would be done the next day.  That was a week ago, and I've learned that she still had to talk to the kids when she said she'd get it done the next day, which was impossible...so I think she's baiting me.  Like all along she's told me something is going to happen, and then it doesn't.  I'm frustrated because I've never been through this before, but those I know that have haven't run into these issues.

[mykidsmom2000]

The kids were supposed to be with me last weekend, and I'm guessing she was trying to create anxiety in me before the kids came to see if they noticed?  Do they do that?  I think I hid whatever stress I had well, but looking back, that seems like what she was doing.

[mykidsmom2000]

Court is Aug 22 now, but I've been told they don't like to be asked when they'll get it done.  My ex is acting like he won so Monday I asked if he knew something that I didn't, and she said he didn't, and I'd only have one more day to wait.  It's been two.....So trying to come up with stress relievers...maybe just forget it's happening cuz there's nothing I can do about it anyway?  That's where I'm going with this!

[ocean]

Maybe others are keeping her? Did she get to see kids, were the kids with other parent when she was supposed to see them?

Do you have lawyer? If you do, lawyer should be asking for it and in court pushing why it was not finished. Is other parent dragging legs to make sure it gets done?

If this is custody and need to get done in Aug before school starts, you can be a little pushy and ask is there anything else she needs from you (see kids on your time?) and when can you come pick up a copy. Family court usually has a few postponements. Usually at least one per side and sometimes the courts (as she did). She may be trying to get to school start date so kids start school....(if kids are school age)...sometimes people use delay so a judge might not move them mid school year.

Ask once per week if it is ready, not pushy...if you do not have lawyer, you can say, I wanted a lawyer look at it before court if it even came up that you were asking for it. Our GAL was very nice to us but did not have a backbone and would not change anything, said we were right but would not force the court order. Looking back, I think she tried to keep the peace and did not like conflict. She may be telling both sides what they want to hear, and you do not know what your ex is saying and why she wants to interview other people.

Try not to think about court, can not change anything tonight. When she gives it to you, deal with it then. Hide court folder so you do not see it and think about it every second. Few more weeks....and enjoy when you have kids, if anything is brought up just say "that is for the adults to decide, dont worry about it, we all love you".

Good Luck!

[mykidsmom2000]

She called late in the evening the report was due with a few more questions.  I think now just trying to see how I was holding up under the pressure.  She got the report in the next day, which was late, but still more than 10 days before trial date, which is state law.  Now onto the court date...  I can focus on maintaining things the way they are instead of worrying that she's suggesting they change now that the report is in, which is a relief to me. 

Thanks for your advice!