Need help with ongoing child abuse issue....

[MadMav]

My two step sons(9 &10) are being mentally and emotionally abused by there father (and stepmother) during his out of state visitation that happen every other weekend. The kids are going nuts and are starting to show physical signs of the mental pain they are going through. Wetting bed again, getting sick and throwing up due to the stress, lack of sleep and change of eating habits. They have told their counselor/child psychologist what their Dad and stepmom are doing to them and has been doing to them. The CPS didn't want to deal with it since it isn't physical/sexual abuse. I filed a report anyways and I am waiting to hear if they will asign a case worker. Anyways, my wife's lawyer is reluctant to do anything as we go to court for a redue of custody in Jun. These boys may not mentally or maybe even physically survive the next few months because of what is going on. The abuse and constant mental pressure the dad and his current wife are putting on the boys has gotten worse lately because of the upcoming court date. We cannot file a TRO due to lack of physical proof either. By no means is this just a recent thing though. What can our attorney do to prevent the kids from having to go through this? What can the attorney do to keep the kids out of that house until the court date? How can I get our lawyer to do anything on this? It's getting tough even though he is paid? Thanks for the help.

[mistoffolees]

I'm assuming that their BM has sole legal custody?

There are a lot of issues here.
1. If the kids told their counselor that they're being emotionally and mentally abused, the counselor is required to report it. The fact that he hasn't means he may not be convinced.
2. I don't have any idea what a 'redue of custody' is. Either you have custody or you don't. I've never heard of it having to be redone periodically unless someone challenges it.
3. If the kids are in imminent danger, the fact that there's a custody hearing in a few months wouldn't affect that. Action would need to be taken now.
4. You haven't explained why your attorney 'won't do anything'. He works for you. If you tell him what to do, he will do it unless it's illegal or unethical. OTOH, if he thinks it's a bad idea, he will tell you that. Just what is he saying?

The whole thing sounds suspicious. While I'm not saying this is the case, the flavor I get from it is that the BM is trying to alienate the kids from their father and they're playing along to make her happy. Again, I'm not saying that's what's happening, but it appears as if it's being treated that way.

So, assuming that it's NOT what's happening and that abuse is really occurring, the situation is quite simple. If you can PROVE (not just insinuate) that the kids are being  harmed, then you would tell your attorney to take action for an emergency hearing. The problem you're going to have is that the burden of proof is pretty high. If it comes down to your word against the father, you lose. And don't count on the kids testifying. You would presumably want to subpoena the counselors' records and bring them in to testify. However, the fact that the counselor has not taken action indicates that his isn't convinced that there's an immediate danger to the kids.

[MadMav]

No, no, no....the conselor tried to report it to the CPS in the state that it was occuring in. They said there was nothing they could do. Which is BS. So I called and filed a report. Hopefully they will open a case based on the information I gave them. They just seem to think the mental abuse is a low priority. After fighting with our lawyer on the phone today, we finally got him to say he would take action for an emergency hearing. His excuse to not do it before, and his reluctance to do it now, is that it wont do any good. He says that there is no available court time, and that the judge wont make time to hear it. I'm thinking it could be some BS, but what do I know. I just want it on file! Thanks,

Mav

[backwardsbike]

Is the psychologist willing to testify that the kids must be moved from the home for thier own well being? I am not a lawyer and this si NOT legal advice.  Ihave been a nurse and mandated reporter for 25 years though and i htink the hardest thing to get CYS to act on is emotional abuse.  If something leaves marks then they have "proof" if not its just he said she said and the poor kids suffer.

How about teachers?  If they notice the changes they are mandated reporters to.  Are you close to them?  If not, given the situation you should be.  Call them, ask for a confrence, tell them what's been going on.  How are the kid's grades?  Any chage academically from last year at this time?  These are all relvevant issues.

Teach the kids to be thier own advocate.  Teach them to go see the guidanc ecounsleor when they feel scared or stressed.  Thisinvoves teaching them what those things mean and how they feel.

Youn gkids who live with stress constantly rarely can identify it. Try to be patient with the bedwetting.  How old are the kids?  Bedwetting in a kid who has been dry at night for a year or so is a big deal especailly if its more than just occassioanly.  I would considere having a talk with the pedicrican too so he can document some of the concerns.  All the people I mentioned are mandated reporters.  All must make a report if they SUSPECT abuse.  Notice I said suspect not know or prove.  The investigation is the job of CYS.  They will usually give a bit more credibility to mandated reporter reports than tot he parent becasue people involved in custody situations call them all the time trying to tip the scales in htier own favor.  unpleasant to think about, but very common.

Good luck to the children.  Document every conversation you have with any professional, also keep a journal fo rwhen the kids are with you.  If they wet the bed, write it down withthe date.  Write down things they tell you.  keep it in a spiral bound notebook so that pages can't be removed or added.  That tends to make better evidence.

[Kitty C.]

Emotional abuse is very hard to prove, but it CAN be done.  Because it happened to us.  Or at least between my DH and DS.  It happened before DH got sober, so there were those issues that provoked situations.  Anyway, DS was seeing a therapist who deals with abused kids and she recognized DS had PTSD (Post-traumatic Stress Disorder).  How she recognized is a long story, but I do know a few key factors that really stood out.

So what I would strongly recommend is having them seen by a pediatric psychologist who specializes in recognizing abuse and knows how to diagnose PTSD.  Some of the issues that were raised in our case was DS being overly startled when the situation didn't warrant it (DH wan't around) and his stomach gettng into knots whenever he heard DH's truck coming up the street.

In our case, the therapist made the initial call to DHS and not only did they investigate, but the final report was proved founded.  I will tell you that this was in IA, but I could not say if the same can be said for other states.

[MadMav]

"Teach the kids to be thier own advocate. Teach them to go see the guidanc ecounsleor when they feel scared or stressed. Thisinvoves teaching them what those things mean and how they feel."

Thank you all for your help.


And this is what we are doing. Sometimes they are scared to see the counselor, but after they do, boy is it night and day. They feel so much better, so much more normal after they get all this stuff off there chest. And the say they are happier. They are 9 and 10, and yes, the counselor will be testifing in court with us in June. He cannot believe that the state is letting this continue, but he is unsure what to do because of crossing state lines. He hopes the judge will put a stop to this permanently. We have our proof and are keeping our fingers crossed.