New to SPARC. Father wants custody of his two boys

[gabester1]

I am sure there is a bunch of great information out on this site. I plan on spending some time when I get home going through all the strings on current situations and laws to see how they apply to me personally.

My situation is that I have 11 yr old and 10yr old boys. I am only 32 years old and their mother is 31.
I have a typical divorce agreement where I pay support monthly and have the kids every other weekend.

My issue is that my children's mother has been married and divorced three times now at age 31 and is working on her 4th marriage.
Both of my kids are sick of moving from one house to another and having different men around every few months. I feel they live in an unstable lifestyle from week to week.

Both of my kids have been asking me have them live with me full time for over 6 months now. They do not mind the adjustment to different schools or the fear of having new friends and living arrangements. They simply want to live with their dad. I would like that more then anything.
I have a very stable life. Good job for over 10 years, been with my wife for 6 years now.

I have brought up to the kids mom the possability of them living with me full time, which she refused immediately. I have not persued this matter futher yet but I know what is in store now that I have communicated to her that our boys want to live with me.

I have a very agressive ex-wife who will begin legally fighting for them to stay with her and raise my current support. I am prepared for her to begin revisiting the amount of support I pay for the kids and any other benifits she can get out of the situation.

More then anything I want to know what my rights are as a good father that has not missed child support.
Do children in Washington State have a legal age they can make such a decision on? I have heard rumors that it is age 12 but do not know.

I would really just like to know what my rights are as a father wanting his kids full time.
thank you in advance for any information or areas you can point me to for help.

 - Gabe (Seattle, WA)

[Bones]

Gabe: As an outsider looking in it seems that you'll have an uphill battle. If your ex hasn't been neglectful or abusive then it may be hard to undo your current situation.

I find it hard to think that a judge would grant you full custody of children on the basis that your ex wife obviously has trouble keeping a man.

Believe me, I feel for you but am only giving you my opinion. Your ex sounds as though she isn't about to give up the kids and the precious child support so she will fight it. Be ready to fork over some big bucks as it sounds like this could drag on.

I'm not sure at what age a child can decide and I don't know if it is even a set age. You and I know both know that your boys are old enough to express their wants to you. The problem there is that they may be telling your ex wife something completely different.

In my case, my 10 year old tells me all the time that he wants to be with me but then when he is with his mother tells her the opposite.

Good luck.

[Sherry1]

has physically abused the kids, neglected the kids, is doing drugs, has been in jail, has been arrested, etc., the chances are highly unlikely that you could be awarded custody.  A custody battle without this type of documentation could cost in upwards of several thousand dollars.  About the best you can do is to do what you are doing.  Maybe you could file for more visitation so the boys can spend more time with you.

When the boys are older, i.e., 14 or so, depending upon the state, a judge will take the wishes of the children into consideration if they want to live with the other parent.  However, it is also unlikely a judge will split the kids up, so you probably have a few years before you could consider this.

[mistoffolees]

It's not likely unless the BM has abused the kids, used drugs in their presence or something similar. You could talk with a local attorney to see if serial marriages are viewed differently your state, but it would surprise me if they do.

If the multiple marriages and moves are having a SEVERE detrimental effect on the kids (making them suicidal, failing in school, etc), then there's a slight chance that you could argue for a change, but it would be a long, drawn out battle and your odds of winning still wouldn't be very great. Again, you'd have to consult with a local attorney.

There is no specific age when a kid can decide who he/she wants to live with (well, technically, at 18 they can decide). The older they are, the more weight the judge puts on their desires. The judge will also consider whether they have been coached or pressured to express a preference, as well as other issues.

Your best bet is to work on gradually increasing your time with the kids as much as you can and hope for the best. You might be able to address it in 3-4 years.