what are my chances of custody and visitation?

[greatdad2]

I recently moved to another state (12 hours away from my child) for work. I've never been married to my ex and there was never a custody order established only a support order. I've been on time with support and while living in the same state as my ex I saw my son, but only on her terms.  My wife and I provided a very stable environment when he would come and stay at our home.  I've been asking her for the past two years for a visitation schedule, but she has never agreed.  Now that we moved I decided to take her to court to get some kind of visitation. She claims I can see him whenever if  I'm in the same state, but the last time I went back she didn't allow this and only lets me talk to him on the phone and now she's is trying to convince my 4 year old son that her husband is his father. What are my custody rights, will I get a reasonable visitation schedule, and will he get to come here?

[mistoffolees]

>I recently moved to another state (12 hours away from my
>child) for work. I've never been married to my ex and there
>was never a custody order established only a support order.
>I've been on time with support and while living in the same
>state as my ex I saw my son, but only on her terms.  My wife
>and I provided a very stable environment when he would come
>and stay at our home.  I've been asking her for the past two
>years for a visitation schedule, but she has never agreed.
>Now that we moved I decided to take her to court to get some
>kind of visitation. She claims I can see him whenever if  I'm
>in the same state, but the last time I went back she didn't
>allow this and only lets me talk to him on the phone and now
>she's is trying to convince my 4 year old son that her husband
>is his father. What are my custody rights, will I get a
>reasonable visitation schedule, and will he get to come here?


No one can really tell you without all the details and the best person is an attorney familiar with the situation in your state.

However, it is possible to offer general guidelines:

1. If the current physical custody situation is working (the kids are happy and healthy), it's extremely difficult to get it changed. In order to get it changed, you'd need to show that the current situation is harming the kids irreparably -  which is quite hard to do, particularly since you moved away (it makes it seem to the court like you felt that things were OK or you would not have left).
2. If legal custody was never established, you'll want to get that done ASAP. The longer you delay, the more likely it is that the ex will get sole custody. If you move quickly, your chances of joint legal are improved.
3. You should get reasonable visitation (however that is defined in your state) unless there's something you're not disclosing. Of course, no one knows what 'reasonable' means, so make sure you get it spelled out very clearly. HOWEVER, (particularly if you get joint legal), make sure that you always refer to it as parenting time rather than as visitation. One of your challenges is to remain a 'real' parent for the child and 'visitation' sounds like you don't really belong in their life, but get to visit once in a while. It may seem like a small thing, but words have a lot of power.
4. Unless there's something you're not saying, there's no reason your son can't visit you during your parenting time.
5. In my state, there's a Code of Judicial Conduct which would prevent someone from telling a child that someone else is their parent. If your state doesn't have such a thing, make sure it's spelled out in the divorce decree that she can not do that. If she continues, then file for contempt.

Good luck.

[Ref]

You can easily get a visitation schedule established. What I would do is find out what standard visitation is for the county that your child lives in. Sometimes you can find it using a quick google search with the name of the county and the words "standard visitation". Another route is to call the clerk of the court in the child's county and ask. Use that as a basis for your parenting plan. You may have to go to him for the shorter trips (long weekends), but he should be able to visit you and you family.

You should also start interviewing lawyers in the child's county.This is your battleground that you will be likely fighting in until the child is 18. Look for one that specializes in Family Law and preferably in Father's Rights.

Warning! If you cheap out with your attorney, you will probably end up paying for it in the long run.

At this point I would try to keep everything in writing. She can legally keep you from seeing your child right now, so keep legal action a secret from her until you are ready to pull the trigger. Otherwise she might screw you more out of visitation. Try to see your child as often as possible in the mean time. Go there if you have to, to see him. You would need to show in court that you are active in his life.

Good Luck,
Ref

[greatdad2]

thanks for your input. there's really nothing else to the story. she broke it off with me shortly before she had my son, i've been begging her since he was born to be a part of his life. at first it was on and off and then it was more frequent that i got to see him. as soon as i moved and i realized that she wasn't going to work out visitation, i decided to take her to court to help establish that, i think i was mainly worried i still wouldn't get visitation because he's young and i was the one who left which was for better employment  for my wife and i and ultimately a better living situation which is providing security for me and my family. my son asks to come to my house and wants to see me, he also asks about his siblings and wants to see them too.