Custody of a little girl by her father

[marynac]

I hope someone can help me in my quest to help  my boyfriend.
He is in a situation where four years ago he was "tricked" and the result being that he now has a little four year old girl with a woman who he had a relationship with, but when on the verge of breaking up with her, she removed all birth control methods used during her relationship with him.
I am not saying she is a bad mother - I can see she loves the little one, but sometimes it comes to mind that she only loves the fact that she gets to see her ex every second weekend.  She moved on with her life, barely after my boyfriend broke up with her - she already had a new man in her life.  He is now basicly living at their place (after the break-up, my boyfriend sold their flat and she had nowhere else to go but to her mother's place)
The thing that bothers me the most is that the little girl is now used by her to do her dirty work for her, like for example bad mouthing her daddy and his new relationship (eventhough the little one loves me and we get along very well).  Also the mother drinks a lot and I dont think it is healthy for such a young child to be exposed to these kinds of things.  There is also another major problem that I have with this whole arrangement - the mother doesnt raise the child, the grandmother does and I just think if the mother arent willing to look after her child the father can do - which he has told me over and over again that if he had one chance/hope of getting his girl to live full time with him, he would grab the oppurtunity with both hands and feet!
Is there any advise out there for me?  My boyfriend and I would love to raise this child to be healthy and strong and to know who she is in life.

PLEASE ASSIST WHERE EVER YOU CAN - I BEG YOU!!???

Maryna Cronje

[John-J-Jay]

I'm a custodial parent (Dad) of my daughter. her mother left us when she was 2 and now she's almost 10. I'm currently trying to get her to pay child support and now she's trying to regain custody. Which won't happen!! I have lots of experience in dealing with ex some of which probably isn't right and some is right. But if you want send me your email address and we can correspond other than on here from about my experiences.

[John-J-Jay]

I'm a custodial parent (Dad) of my daughter. her mother left us when she was 2 and now she's almost 10. I'm currently trying to get her to pay child support and now she's trying to regain custody. Which won't happen!! I have lots of experience in dealing with ex some of which probably isn't right and some is right. But if you want send me your email address and we can correspond other than on here from about my experiences.

[marynac]

Hi,
I would like to have a chat - I REALLY need all the help I can get on this.
Email me on [email protected] or alternatively on [email protected].
Hope I will hear from you soon.

[mistoffolees]

The good news is that in most jurisdictions, it's no longer impossible for a father to get custody.

The bad news is that it won't be easy:
1. Your BF will need to establish paternity.
2. Make sure that if he's paying support that it's only under a court order. If there's no court order, start putting the support money he's paying into a separate account and file for a support/custody/parenting plan hearing. Any support he pays without a court order can be considered a gift and if she later files for support, he could find himself paying several years worth of arrears - even though he's already given her money.
3. The really hard part is that the girl has lived with her mother/GM for 4 years. In order to get a change, you are going to need to show that her current situation is harmful. Not just that you don't like it and not just that you think living with her father might be better. The court is not going to yank her out of the only home she's ever known without some pretty strong reason. What you've written doesn't seem to rise to the level of proof you'd need.

My guess is that you'd be looking at a long and expensive legal battle with no guarantee of success, but of course I don't have all the facts. I would suggest that you talk with a local attorney to lay out the situation and get their comments on the cost, risks (the mother could leave the state with the child, for example), and chances of success.