Just getting started

[loveisgone]

My husband and I have been married for 4 years, but have had ongoing issues for the past year or so. I caught him cheating on me with men and transsexuals last year. We have tried to work through it for the children, but yesterday, I found evidence that he has continued this lifestyle behind my back while we've continued to "work" on things. We have two children 2 & 3.

I have been staying home with them full time for the past year and a half. Before that, I was the only one working in our home. He is gone Mon-Wed 8-9 pm, Thurs 8-5, Fri 12-4 and sometimes Saturdays. The only option I have to separate from him is to move back home with my family in South Carolina. We currently reside in North Carolina. The house we live in is in his name, though I know that since we acquired it during our marriage, it's considered a marital asset. Anyhow, my intention is to file for a custody order and go through the process so I can be able to move into my parents' home.

Some of the proof I found shows that he was inviting these affairs over while he was home with the children. This causes me great concern! If we get joint custody, will the courts understand this concern or am I just going to have to deal with the fact that he could have whoever over having sex with them in his home while the children are there? I'm going to be pushing for full custody and supervised visitation as I don't genuinely trust him alone with the children. Is there any chance the courts will even consider his sexual deviance to protect our children?

My head is just spinning right now. I don't even know where to begin. I couldn't care less about what we each get (material wise), and I couldn't care less about child support, spousal support, etc. I just want my babies to be safe!!

[Waylon]

Some of the proof I found shows that he was inviting these affairs over while he was home with the children. This causes me great concern! If we get joint custody, will the courts understand this concern or am I just going to have to deal with the fact that he could have whoever over having sex with them in his home while the children are there?

If you can show a substantial likelihood of harm to the children then the court may (might) take that into consideration. What a judge would rule in this instance is anybody's guess but he/she may place some restrictions on the conditions of contact or order supervised visitation. But I think you'd have to show some actual, presentable harm.

If you cannot show a substantial likelihood of harm to the children then the court would probably make no issue of it. What he would do in his home is his business (just like it is in yours) unless it poses a threat of some sort to the children.

[ocean]

A lot to this as it is two states. Most times court will stay in NC. I sent you a private message but agree dad will get some sort of visitation and if you are out of state then he most likely will be allowed time in his house, his state with the kids.

[MixedBag]

times have changed -- years ago, I believe that if a parent is gay, lesbian, or bisexual, or wants to have member of the opposite sex spend the night.....years ago....I believe that would be totally frowned upon.

but times have changed...  Like Waylon said, focus on how this behavior would negatively impact the children.  PROVE it....not just your opinion.

One of those two states also hit the news about where the other party can/could be sued for hurting your marriage -- though quite honestly, I wouldn't go there.   

Lastly, I will say that in my daughter's husband's divorce from his first, here in Alabama, I was totally surprised to find a clause that said that a person other than a family member may not spend the night after midnight at the parent's home IF their daughter was also present.  I don't know HOW it got in there.  Don't know if MOM pushed, or if the judge just did it.  BUT the pendulum swung both ways in the end.....Dad got married and later Mom wanted to "live with this guy" and she knew that since she created such a stink for Dad that she needed to ask and be kind later down the road.  (And yes, Dad allowed it, but got something he wanted in return).

Hope that helps....