Joint Custody IS Soul Custody

[jjb322]

I don't understand what others have been through but if it's anything like my experience, I know your life span has been shortened, you have heart problems, you can't sleep, nor eat, it's difficult for you to go to a job, and your paycheck goes to paying lawyers, you have no faith in other people, and you really don't care about much any more.

In my case, (Illinois), if my x and I disagree with our joint custody, the GAL will recommend soul custody to my x wife, even if I'm right! The logic is, "for the best interest of the child, we cannot continue to fight"......how does that make any sense when she is the one not willing to compromise on anything, and continuously violates the j. parenting agreement?  Joint custody is truly a joke in Illinois...basically the wife will get to do what she wants with making decisions, if I want to have a say, I have to pay money to go to mediation for which my x will disagree...then more money goes to get the decision before the judge who will "maybe" rule in your favor.  In the meantime, the x will use my child support for our kid to pay for lawyers.  How does this make any sense!!!!!!!!!   Am I missing something?  I want ALL JUDGES AND LAWYERS TO HAVE THEIR CHILDREN TAKEN AWAY...IT SHOULD BE REQUIRED FOR THEM IN ORDER TO WORK IN THIS FIELD. 

Father's rights....make no mistake....you have no rights!!!! 

Our child was the reason for our divorce....I wasn't allowed to be a father during marriage and the court does NOT CARE ABOUT ANYTHING EXCPEPT CHILD SUPPORT.  I have solid evidence of interference, video proof of disbaragment, and evidence of interfering with "fostering a loving relationship".   None of it matters!!!

I have 42 violations against my x wife in contempt of our joint custody!  It doesn't matter because the court will only consider distasteful names I called her in text messages. It doesn't matter if I was provoked.  Nor does it matter that it was written by her own hand....there is no time stamped proof of the texts from the phone company...hearsay...IS ALLOWED IN THE COURT OF LAW WHEN IT'S PRESENTED TO THE GAL WETHER IT'S TRUE OR NOT!  So I call her a few names in texts.....where's the violation?  I have 42 against her and it doesn't matter?  I cannot wrap my mind around this and am very angry with how Illinois courts treat fathers.  I'm educated, I have a good job, yet I'm treated like a criminal...I've lost my home, time with our daughter, and much much more.  I no longer donate blood and really don't care about others, including my own family....the court system has destroyed who I used to be.  And regardless of provocation, the court only looks at the father's behavior...NOT the custodial parent.....really?   Put a lion in a cage and poke it with a stick and then you expect the thing to be tame.....in Illinois that's what's expected.  The worst I've done was called names in text messages due to provocation. 

Unbelievable, unbelievable, unbelievable, unbelievable....wait, did I say unbelievable.  I'm sorry if you have a heart attack and I spit on you and walk by....blame the court system.  When  you are a good dad and your child is taken away from you....maybe you'll know what I'm feeling.  But then again...I don't care if you know what I'm feeling either.

Make no mistake....Illinois is truly corrupt. 

I don't understand how all of us father's allow this to keep going on....how?  The courts are making tons of money on good people and taking advantage of us....in 5 years my divorce will be worth 500,000. 

For those who are uneducated....drop off in the drive way far from the front door....all she has to do is say you pushed her, touched her and bam....you now have a restraining order and a custody case, EVEN IF IT'S NOT TRUE!!!

[MixedBag]

WHEW!  First off -- let's chuckle together....ok....always good to start off with humor.

Joint custody is not SOUL custody, it's also not SOLE custody.

violations are a funny thing.....just because one side "violates" the order -- you have to learn to pick and choose what the court as in Judge and GAL are gonna care about and what is simply the same old shit, different day arguing that caused the divorce in the first place.

Cussing me out in letters didn't matter to my judge.....so I needed to learn to let it roll off my back ... because he's gonna have to answer to someone higher up that "he believes in" no matter what his religion or how fake his religious beliefs truly are. 

So honestly, WHAT do the courts care about?

IMHO truly IMHO....k?

Time with the child.....if the order says ABC is when the CHILD gets to spend time with Mom and XYZ is when the CHILD gets to spend time with Dad....then that is important.  Important enough to start documenting (keeping a record) and take it to court for makeup time and clarification and details added when necessary.

Child support ... if one parent is supposed to pay the other parent....DO IT. 

Medical reimbursement....that's $$$'s again...

The rest is a crap shoot.

One parent doesn't tell you about medical appointments -- that can swing either way.
One parent doesn't tell you about school and functions -- swings either way.

Bring a camera and witness to exchanges.  That fixes LIES.

Learn to solve the other parents' violations OUTSIDE the court system by enforcing your joint legal status elsewhere....like when the school gets told the other parent has sole, take a certified copy and show them it's joint.  And when the school plays "dumb" go OVER their head in THEIR chain of command.....skip the judge....the school needs to learn to play right....and believe me, that works.

Doctors are the same - get insurance information from the child's records.  Don't reimburse based on a hand receipt, reimburse based on stuff from the doctor's office.  And if the other parent doesn't give it to you -- YOU get the paperwork and reimburse.

Hope that helps....

And no cussing back and forth, no name calling, keep a level head at all times......and cuss here.  Level heads even in other life situations USUALLY win the battle whether you were right or wrong.  When the other side goes psycho in front of authorities, it is assumed they are wrong.....and by then it's over and they are blamed. 

Stick around...

Share details HERE of how you think the other parent violated the order -- and maybe someone will know how to work around the offending parent and get the results you're looking for.

[dipper]

First of all, let me say I am truly sorry that you are going through this.  I find the entire system ridiculous.  I actually got raked over the coals once in court because I wrote a letter to the editor of our local newspaper and said those exact words - that father's were treated wrong in court.   When my husband and I went back to court against his ex months later..it was brought up that the child may have seen the letter.  No...he lived 82 miles away. And not to be ugly, but he could not read or comprehend the letter anyway. His mother moved when his father and I got married[size=78%].  [/size]


[/size]Now, I am a grandmother and I see that my son's ex feels the court will just hand over the child because she is the mother and a stay at home mommy.   We have a 50/50 order that includes my husband and I  and the mother's mom as joint custodians.  They are playing mega games and driving us a little crazy.  I stay worried they will drag us back to court.  [size=78%]

[/size]I agree with Mixedbag that time with child, and money are about all the court's are looking for.   They see it all....day after day.  Game after game...[size=78%]