Changing Rights and Responsibilities

[mike967625]

Hi all, my name is Mike and I am looking for advice on changing Rights and Responsibilities for my children. The current situation is not working. My Ex and I have 50/50 Shared rights. We do a 7 day on, 7 day off schedule. The children switch back and forth on Fridays after school. My children are 3, 7 and 11. Its getting real hard on the oldest two being that they are in school and their mother lives in a different state. They go to school in the town that I live in and their mother lives about 20min. away. I would like to change the court order to have them live with me during the week and maybe my Ex having them on the weekends. I feel my children need a home where they can plant  their feet on the ground so they don't always feel like they are on the go. Other then the fact my Ex has caused nothing but problems for me and she does'nt have a record. What could I do to prove that my children would be better off with me? This has been an ongoing battle and the kids are stuck right in the middle. Vermont has some tricky laws. A lot of the people I've talked to say that the courts favor the mother over the father. Is this true? So if anyone can help me out with this it would be great.
Thanks for your time.
Mike

[mistoffolees]

Then get the kidst out of the middle.

20 minutes isn't much. Commutes to school of several times that are not uncommon.  My ex and I live 20 minutes apart and have 50:50 custody (weekly exchange) and there are no problems.

In my view, this is almost always a parent issue, not a kids issue. Are the kids getting to school? Are they getting to their activities? If so, it's not likely that you'll get a change, nor should you ask. Why in the world would the kids care that their mother lives in a different state if it's only 20 minutes away--unless someone is feedign them that line?

With parents living only 20 minutes apart, there's no reason a 50:50 won't work - unless the parents interefere with making it work. Take the time, energy, and money you sould spend on a court battle and put it into making the current situation work. Get a good counselor. Pick up a book called "Mom's House, Dad's House" (or something like that).

If the two parents can work together to make it work, this is the best situation for the kids, IMHO. Don't let your own egos shoot it down.

[CustodyIQ]

Hi,

I pretty much agree with this first response.

Unless you have evidence that the kids are suffering (e.g., is their homework incomplete during Mom weeks, are they routinely tardy during Mom weeks, etc), there's no reason to change anything with regards to a school-centered parenting schedule.

It sounds like the children can use a good counselor to help talk about what's going on, rather than new custody orders.

In short, you didn't post anything that to me would warrant any change.

[mike967625]

I must agree with you both to some degree. What I first posted was rather vague. My Ex and I have been seperated for more then 2 1/2 years. I have tried everything to be kind and friendly to this woman. My children have seen men come and go out of her life. She is a cronic drinker. She takes empty soda bottles and pours her beer in it when the kids are around so they don't know its beer. She finally met someone and he is no better then she is. He has threatened me a few times already. What else.... in fact my oldest son has been late twice to school already. The weeks that she has my children she does'nt spend any time with them on the weekends. She use to call and harrass my fiance on a daily basis. We have over 6 or so tapes of all the calls she has left us in the past 2 years. We have filed complaints with the police in two different counties. So. If the devil walks this earth. It may be my Ex wife.

[mistoffolees]

That's a fairly different story than the one you portrayed initially.

IF (and only if) you can demonstrate that her behavior constitutes a danger to the kids, then it might be possible for a change.  

However, if you've filed complaints in two different counties and she has not been charged with anything, then she's going to make a case that YOU are the one harrassing her.

What it will come down to is whether you can prove that she's an actual danger to the kids (having a few drinks generally won't do it) in a way that's acceptable to the court. Keep in mind that the standard for this proof can be very, very high in some courts, so you should consult with an attorney to see if her behavior meets the standard of endangering the children. If you've filed complaints with no response, I'm going to guess that it doesn't.