child and step mom stress.

[superdad01]

Just looking for ideas here. Sorry for the rant but I just dont know how to really deal with this. Long story short.

Daughter usually came to us in a bad mood etc. Well my girlfriend for a long time always tried to get her excited about new things etc well it usually backfired. I worked alot so I guess I depended on her a little to much. Now the GF and I have a child as well.

Recently we had a situation come up regarding my oldest child and cps was involved. Everything was dropped due to no evidence, but my GF took it as a attack on her fitness as parent when the whole thing never involved her. She believes it was my child's goal to get her child taken away from her.  to get me put in jail etc. So needless to say GF does not really want to be around my oldest child. Which creates conflict in our relationship.  I understand its not always easy, but I simply told her to just be nice to her. I mean how hard is it to just attempt to be nice to someone.  Especially a 13 year old.

Well now child and I are in counseling. we are trying to work through it. I am seeing a improvement in attitude and little things like that. My GF seems to think it's all an act. obviously I just cant walk away from my child and now I have another child so now I am stuck in the middle. I'm never gonna win. I understand that. but somehow We gotta find some sort of balance.

GF Had made my daughter enemy number 1 and told me tonight that she does not like her.... I'm just floored. Especially since we've had a couple good days in a row and any sort of happy life seems to be simply wasting away. GF seems to think she deserves an award for being fake nice to the kid.

We have been together 9 years and never really had a fight until the last year of this all. Now its all we do. Especially when we have my other child or were about to.

I told her we need counciling but she seems to think she dont.

Has anyone been through anything similar.

[ocean]

Will GF go to counseling with child to work on their relationship without you? or together the three of you?

If not, have a family meeting, and let everyone have a chance to talk the truth about how they are feeling and how things can improve. Not sure what went down with CPS but to me the GF has every right to be cautious and not trust child. Trust is very hard to get back. Maybe she can take out daughter 1:1 and have some girl time and work things out?

The age of 13, ugh...lol...it is going to be ups and downs as the next few years are tough on girls. School and friends take over more than family and teen moods are normal but you have to set what is acceptable in your house and what the consequences will be up front so daughter knows what she will gain/loose depending on her behavior. Set up the rules of the house at that family meeting.

Try to plan family time/activities over the next few visits. Good luck!

[MixedBag]

I tend to agree with Ocean....as the step-mom/GF, I'd be very untrustworthy that there won't be another incident down the road which will cause YOU problems and I wouldn't want to be blamed for that.

My husband/EX#3 was the target by my EX#2....using our son (though, our son didn't complain, but his father was good at twisting stuff around).  SO my strategy HAD TO BECOME to never leave our son with him alone and never to leave our son alone with his step-brother, so that DAD had absolutely NO opportunity to pull his BS again.