Constant arguments with Ex

[WasteManNate]

I am having and issue with sharing custody of my son.  My ex is constantly challenging me and arguing with me about EVERYTHING to do with our son.  I have joint custody with her and she can never respect that.  My ex fights with my wife everytime she drops my son off and is constantly harassing us on the phone about matters that she feels are an issue and need to be handled when she feels like it.  I find myself at a custody hearing at least twice a year and the judge always rules the same thing, joint custody, with a modification that best suits her everytime!  Do I have to live with this constant struggle or is there something I can do? I am following the custody order and don't know what else I can do to make this more smooth. Our son is only 6 and I can't picture living another 12 years like this.

[Ref]

to keep a record of everything.Make a file with letters to and from her, emails, voicemails.... Keep a journal of events related to her or visitation. If she is this much of a pain, chances are she is going to try to pull on over on you at some point and you want some evidence to CYA.

Also, take out or buy books like "how to deal with difficult people" or "joint custody with a jerk". No matter what you do in her eyes, it will be wrong. You can't control your ex's crazies, so try to work on bettering your skills at dealing with her. You can only change yourself. In my opinion, that is the best way to deal with this.

Also, this board is a great place to vent. Lots of people understand and have some years of advice.

Take care,
Ref

[ocean]

Let the phone go to voicemail and unless it is an important issue do not respond. Same with e-mails if you do that or make a simple one sentence reply.  You can send her a simple letter stating that because of past issues you will pull in her driveway and child will go to you. Let the child get out and walk to her front door without any adult contact or meet in a public place instead. The next time you are in court you can make pick-ups at school to eliminate her interaction.
Good luck!

[babyfat]

I would suggest everything the other poster mentioned this was how our situation started. We were constantly going to family court like once every few months and the drop off and pick ups were nasty and hostile. IF you have the money I would get a camera mounted out side the home and have it recorded boy do I wish we had done that. Also you may not know but if you call your local child welfare agency they may with out opening a case be able to direct you to services where you can learn better how to deal with this woman for the sake of the child. I found out later my county offers a parenting serivce that deals with this by the time I found out it was too late the trouble was so bad. Sometimes there is also a way to put into the parenting plan that the pickup/drop off place be a police station or other neutral ground that is supervised. It sound like that might be necessary in your case.

[4honor]

As a NCP mom, I can offer one word of advice to your wife. Have her repeat this sentence out loud: "I am in a hurry, can you call my husband later with your concerns and work it out between you two parents?"

This does several things  1.) takes the new wife out of the firing line   2.) defuses BM's train of thought, thus reducing nuisance bickering   and 3) encourages the parents to co-parent.

DH's ex was bad. Could not co-parent until they were made to. Every other family member stepped back and told the Ex to talk with DH about her concerns.

[mistoffolees]

>As a NCP mom, I can offer one word of advice to your wife.
>Have her repeat this sentence out loud: "I am in a hurry, can
>you call my husband later with your concerns and work it out
>between you two parents?"
>


Good advice.


Also, with a difficult person, you may just have to grin and bear it. My ex is constantly asking for stuff that she has no right to ask for. If it's going to be a battle, I often give in because the cost (in time and/or money) of doing so is less than the aggravation and expense of a battle. Eventually, she's getting tired of fighting when I've taken the enjoyment (for her) out of it.

And then learn to say 'no'. No need to fight about it, just 'no'. Let her get hostile and say that you're going to hang up if she's hostile. I hung up on my ex 15 times one night before she got the message that I wasn't going to listen to her ranting.

So, pick your battles. If it's not important, let him/her have his/her way without a battle (if you start having a battle and then he/she gets her way anyway, you've really lost). If it IS important, just say no and don't discuss it.

[Itsallaboutme]

Revise the parenting plan. It should list out many specifics that you are mentioning. File the parenting plan with the court and that gives her the opportunity to argue it- and you will be in control of these situations. Additionally a mediator might help in this situation as well, she isn't doing the child any good.
I used an online software called //www.kids-first.com and it was great. It asked questions I didn't see on other parenting plan 'forms'.

[Itsallaboutme]

Rewrite the parenting plan to set an established set of rules for the switching over of kids. I used software that was extrememely beneficial and it handled details I would have missed.
//www.kids-first.com