Custody Hearing

[dipper]

Brief background:  parents never married; custody is shared by father/his parents and mother/her mother.  Biological parents reunited in July - asked us to take care of child.  As we feared, the mother left son again in November and now child is gone from our home excepts for visitation.  Many factors in play here - uncontrolled physical illness as well as mental illness; drug use, hostility.


The mother stated that the court order we have is fine and she doesn't want to take our time.   But, once she got our filing, she now wants full custody.  She had gave her dad my phone number before to call and fuss at me - I have never met him and had not said anything about him.   Yesterday, she gave a friend me and my husband's names to contact on facebook over a profile picture.  The mother had texted me two different times yesterday being what I considered mean..the second time to say the three year old should not be sticking her tongue out and we need to stop allowing it.  When I said we don't allow it, it just went downhill.  I finally did a screenshot of her and her friend together with their tongues hanging out and said - what you do in your house is your choice, but if you don't want child doing it, maybe you should not.   


At 1:46/1:47 last night this friend of her's sent my husband and I fb messages fussing at us and just being ugly.  Said she would bring her Sheriff uncle down here because I was committing stalking (by taking her profile picture).   I did reply to her and I did speak my mind up to a point.   Then I blocked her.


I did text the mother as I knew she was still up and told her to not be giving out my information to anyone.  She of course fussed and said it was my fault for talking about people....


This morning at 6:09 we were woke up to the friend calling from a private number.  We figured it was one of her friends since it was blocked....the person left a super hateful message calling me a fat *itch over and over....talked about my daughter....told me to back off of the mother..and said I would never get my hands on her f*ing niece.


Then she messaged my husband two more times on facebook over a 20 minute period.  He never replied....


The police say there is nothing we can do because she did not threaten physical or sexual harm...and even the mother can not get in trouble for giving out our contact information.  The attorney acts like these actions do not matter as the child was not involved.  I think it goes to character. 


We go to court on July 10th and he thinks our main thing is that child was with us for four months and did well....I think the friendships and giving our contact information out for others to call/message us is harassment and goes to her mental illness being unmanaged.


Any thoughts on it? 

[ocean]

Here you can go to police station and file a harassment charge. Look and see if your state/county has online harassment laws. You can block numbers on cell phone and facebook. I would send this friend a simple message
"I received your voicemails and fb messages and consider it harassment. Please do not contact me again. Next message from you I will be filing a police report. Thank you."

As for the bio-mom, time to change all your numbers except one that she has. If she fb or text you inapproprate things , respond "this is harassment, if you can not keep conversation civilized then I will be forced to block you and we will only talk through our lawyers".

Next...ignore. ignore, ignore......you fb setting should be private so she does not see what you post...she should NOT be your friend on fb. She can still message you if you allow that but no need for her to be your friend. If she already is your friend you can make her a restricted friend so she does not see much just the public profile. All of you pics should be friends only. Do not tag anyone in your pics because then their friends can see it too. I would also lay off posting any pics of child until trial. Make your fb pics generic and no people....(pic of beach, animals).
and go back to ignore ignore....if it is not an immediate need to respond, screen shot it and ignore. Only time I would respond is for exchange times and if child is with you and she wants contact that is appropriate.

[dipper]

Thanks Ocean, I have my fb set to private.  I have to ask - why not post pictures of child?  The profile picture and cover photos anyone can see - I have a huge list of people blocked that are friends, family of hers, and her of course.  I do know she has not been using profile/cover photos including child for a while now...only one briefly for like three days and then removed it.


We go to court in two weeks.  They have summonsed my husband's medical records and a couple of her friends to come to court.  The friends - I am happy she did that.  I was hoping they would be there.  Maybe the one who sent me the nasty messages and phone call will show up as a bonus.

[ocean]

This way she has nothing on you. She may have a common friend/family member or someone else may tag you and she may be able to see. If you do not post pics for a while until after court then you know she can not use anything online against you. Have a non fb friend look you up and see if everything is really private. If you do not delete or change the settings from past profile pics then she can see those to. I'm sure she is looking from a friend or co-workers page to see what you are doing on there.
Where is she getting money to pay lawyer and summonses for medical records?
Good luck!

[dipper]

Okay, I am very careful as to what I post even with pictures as people can take stuff the wrong way.  Being a teacher, I am even more mindful of how the world observes me. 


I think her dad might be paying for the attorney.  At least, around Christmas she all of a sudden was so close with him again and she is now spending a lot of time with his mother and that side of the family.  I think both grandparents have a little money as well. 


We summonsed a lot of medical records but only one hospital sent records - and that cost us $175.  Her therapist sent a letter saying she was  not a patient, but I know that is her therapist.  Our attorney did not push it....