SS is afraid of stepfather.....stepfather is abusive....

[Megan]

I am looking for some help.  My husband has already seen an attorney.

A few years ago when SS was only 11, he told his grandma (my MIL) that his SF would call him horrible names.

Everyone, INCLUDING our attorney blew this off, but I knew how intimidating his stepfather could be (to a child since he is nothing more than a bully).  We tried to support SS by telling him it was not his fault, etc.  Things seemed to calm down.

Last week, we found out SF threatens to punch SS in the mouth, calls him names, calls my husband (SSs father) names and is just really verbally abusive and unrelenting, and mom allows this because she is comfortable with her lifestyle with SF.   SS said that SF has hit him once recently, but he minimized it by saying it was only on the leg.....I am shocked.  SF tells SS that "your dad is a loser...he cannot give you the things I can" to try and keep SS under his control.  

We are just sick.  My husband has an attorney and we are filing for an emergency hearing to get SS (who is now 15) out of there, but he is like a battered child.....and even suggesting maybe if he were better it wouldn't be like this.  SS has said he WANTS DH to do this, but then he goes home, they take all his privileges away from him and he calls dad crying.  It is breaking our hearts.  

We have no problems with SS at our house.  he is truly a good kid. SF just doesn't like him and is making his life hell.  

any sugestions on readings or how we can talk to him to make him believe it is NOT his fault (as his mom and SF are telling him) that he is talked to this way.  They tell him - IT IS DISCIPLINE.....it is normal.  I think it is disgusting.  

HELP!

[Kitty C.]

Is it possible for a school counselor to talk to him?  Just to have a 'chat' and see what he opens up to?  That's one possibility.

Another is to take him to a counselor when he's with you.  He may not open up right away, but with a good counselor, he will open up.  At his age, it's normal for them to clam up and take on all of this BS and blame themselves.

But if you ever see any evidence of physical abuse, take him immediately to a metro ER (one big enough that handles assault victims) to have him evaluated.  While there, demand to speak with a law enforcement officer and social worker and that a report be made.  That will get the ball rolling on third party involvement.

All this means there's really no way he will open up to anyone in the family, unless he gets over the fact that none of this is his fault.  So what's needed is third party involvement to get this out in the open.

[poohbear]

Have your SS talk to his school counselor. I just told another poster to do the same. And get the kid into therapy ASAP. I hope you can get him out of there, but it often helps if the child is talking to someone other than you and dad.

[Megan]

Thank you both!  I am going to see if the school nurse (who is our friend and knows SS) can see about getting him to the school counselor.

My husband's ex wouldn't allow us to add SS to DH's insurance...but we are going to insist on that this time when we go to court.  My husbands insurance would not just ADD SS as a dependent without a court order.  

Also, we cannot take him to counseling without her approval, and NO WAY will she give that!  ;(   DH has asked her this before and she said ABSOLUTELY not, that SS is a well-adjusted kid and doesn't need counseling!  )(   She doesn't want him in counseling because she KNOWS what will come out.

We will have to have that court ordered as well, but the sooner we can get him into therapy, the better!  

I did contact our DDs counselor whom she had for fear of surgery that she had as an infant and again a couple of years ago, and she gave me some good tips.  

She said to make sure that SS knows it is important to tell the truth no matter whose feelings he hurts......

This is so hard.......