AT WORK DURING SCHEDULED VISITS

[bananas]

Maybe you could think of it in terms of families.  Your daughter has a family at your house, which includes you and whoever else lives there.  Your daughter has another family at her dad's house, which includes him and whoever else lives there.  It really doesn't matter that her dad isn't there, she is still spending time with family, and that's what's important.  I think that's very fair to a child.  Since you like his new wife, then it really shouldn't be an issue.  Let it go.  JMHO.

[ConcernedCP]

First, I agree with previous posters who have encouraged you to allow the relationship to foster between your daughter and her stepmom.  I've been a stepdaughter and a stepmom as well as a friend to my ss's bm.  I've seen my own mother and stepmom pull together when family tragedy struck after 10 years of openly expressed hostility.  

There was another issue you mentioned in your original post that wasn't addressed, however.

" He also refuses to give me a work number or the
>location of the work place when I openly told him where I work
>and the number. Even if the law says that I don't have to I'd
>rather he have it incase of an emergency... "

In later posts, I understood you to indicate that the NCP pays child support.  If he pays it through the courts (wage garnishment), they will have records of his employment, in which case, you can go to the courthouse (or cs enforcement agency) and see your files to get the employment information.  But I would caution you to use this ONLY in the case of emergency....the last thing you would want are harassment charges for contacting him at his employment.

Good luck!

[Kitty C.]

'You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make him drink.'  You can talk till you're blue in the face, but if he refuses to budge, there's NOTHING you can do to change his mind.  It IS only up to him, since it is his time with her.  If your daughter has a good relationship with her SM, there's absolutely NO reason why she can't be there when her dad isn't.  

Begging solves nothing and only serves to create more animosity.  It may be that he's taking the stand he is because of your insistance on this issue.  It's his time, it's his decision.  And no, your daughter does NOT have the right to decide when and how long she can spend time with her dad or on his time.  It is NOT her choice.  Giving children that kind of responsibility is way too much for them. That's why a court order is in effect in the first place.  She needs to be reminded that you and her father are the ones who decide that, by MUTUAL agreement.  

[nosonew]

Both parents should pay their fair share of raising a child.  Don't stop the cs, you will just regret it later if you fall on hard times.  And he is resp. to pay his portion (some people do pay WWAAAYYY more than they should though!).

But I think it is absolutely fantastic that you are willing to work with him regarding the schedule!! My hubbie would DIE to have you be his BM!  So would I!!!  

And folks, I believe I maybe was too sarcastic, didn't know the entire story, and since this was a sore spot with me (per my history) I may be the one she felt was blasting her here.  

So, that done, I hope you could perhaps talk with this woman, explain that YOU encourage a relationship with your child and her, however, you would really like for dad to be a bit more involved (she would most likely agree here), and work with her on a different schedule.  It never hurts to ask.  AND, as you two get "tighter" she would be more than happy to provide you will all contact info you request.  Everyone's happy.  

Hope all works for you, and it is wonderful to meet a NORMAL, healthy in the head biomom!!!! (besides myself of course! and IM, hee hee)

[FrustratedWife]

I read through all of the responses and although I too think you should take the day and enjoy....what I really wanted to point out was this---you are SO lucky you have a co-parent you like and SHE is so lucky to have you.

My husband's X hates me, won't acknowledge I exist. I can cook and clean and even pick her kids up for visitation, but I am nothing.
She refuses to call me their "stepmom", I am only "her". It causes so much stress for everyone. I would give anything to have a nice relationship with her and not be constantly in battle.

With that said..don't worry about your X. If he is working, let him work. My skids are here when my H works. It can't be helped.

Just be grateful you have a co-parent who loves your child and that child in their lives--instead of some women who want the kids to disappear.