Stranger than usual visitation issue

[Happily Ever After]

We have a problem where bio-mom only exercised weekend visitations with 2 of the 4 children (the teens who have elected to live with us full time) on court ordered weekends.  This creates alot of cancelled plans for us when she decides to drop them back off at our home when she doesn't "want" them or in her words "can't watch them" for us.

Has anyone ever dealt with this?  How would the court look at a parent who wanted to enforce the non-custodial's visitation schedule?  The kids she doesn't want are 15 & 17; the two she does are 10 & 6.

[Kitty C.]

'.......but you can't make him drink.' You cannot force visitation on an NCP.  But you CAN lay some ground rules, like either she takes them all or none, that if she does take them, she must give you a MINIMUM of 4 hours notice if she needs to bring them back, except for life-or-death emergencies.  What you need to stop is her jerking you around with the schedule.  If she can't live up to the ground rules (that you might have to go back to court to get enforced), then she forfeits that visitation.  Then you start keeping track of how many times she forfeits........

[Happily Ever After]

A letter to her stating our intent to provide the children (all 4) at visitation exchange times and expect visitation to commence.  Should she decide to not exercise visitation with the children (all 4) we will leave exchange place as we arrived, with all four?

Interesting idea ... I am drafting immediately!

[MissManners]

 > The kids she doesn't want are 15 & 17; the two she
>does are 10 & 6.

That must be the sadest thing I have ever heard. How are the older children handling her treatment of them. That must really hurt!
:-(

[Indigo Mom]

She has 4 children, but only takes 2 of them?  The ones she "leaves behind" are teenagers?  Man...she's screwing with some pretty hormoned-out kids who NEED extra love and guidance during this time.  The dork.

I'm going to "assume" a few things.  #1, that ALL the kids live with their father, #2, that the mother is ordered to pay child support, and #3, she IS paying child support, #4, child support calculations are based on the things my state is.  I know I'm probably off on at least one of them...but in order to 'splain it, I have to do the assumptions.

Ok, she has no kids living with her, she's ordered, as per guidelines, to pay support on all 4 to your hub.  If she's only taking 2 of them...she needs to step up to the plate and have her cs modified to reflect what's "really" going on.  She's paying support for the younger ones, and also supporting them while they're with her.  She's paying support for the older ones, but not supporting them while they're with her, cause they're not...leaving your hub "more" financially responsible for them because they're with him 100% of the time...and that ain't based on guidelines, now is it?  (i've read this last paragraph over and over...and I "understand" it..but not sure if anyone else will...LOLOL)

In Colorado, child support is based on overnights and both parents income.  So, I'm assuming (again) that her child support is based on having all 4 for some overnights...she does not.  Modification.

So, I wonder if the "threat" of raising child support would get her fanny in gear and start treating all 4 kids like they're ALL 4 HERS?????  She shouldn't be able to pick and choose which ones she "wants".  That's just too gross for words!

I know this is a sneaky, evil, conniving way to approach her...but come on...she can't neglect her older two kids just because they wanted to live with dad!!!  Gawd forbid they actually LIKE their other parent.  They must be destroyed!!!!!  (just kidding...hope ya know that)

Another few things.  She should give you X amount of notice before just offing the kids.  She should also understand that when you have children you do NOT "babysit" or "watch" them...you raise them.  You "watch" the neighbors kids, not your own.  

One last thing...(LOL)  I've tried to enforce the NCP's parenting time schedule, but it just doesn't work.  All the Judge did was order a GAL and she "reduced" his time with her to reflect what he "wanted" and when it became a "whim" thing...well, that's all she wrote.  You can't make a parent be a parent...however, you've got to somehow make her see that she has more than just two.  

[Indigo Mom]

you can do nothing, but continue reassuring these 2 "offed" kids that they are loved dearly and wanted by both you and your husband, and faggedabout everything else.  

I don't know what to do in this situation.  

[Happily Ever After]

Biomom has shared placement of ages 6 & 11.  Dad has full placement of ages 15 & 17.  Biomom asked the court to continue weekend rotation with all four and accused Dad of not "providing" them when in actuality, they didn't want to go.  Wonder why?

DAD pays support to the skank, and she's thousands behind in her court ordered medical support.  NOW she's claimed the kids on her taxes and received THOUSANDS of OUR dollars ...

She's their mother when it $uit$ her.  Pathetic piece of crap.

You're all right, these two young men are a mess.  17 is struggling with his sexuality; 15 and his g-friend aborted a child (with Mom's knowledge and NOT ours) this past spring and continues the relationship with the girl who is the epitomy of SLUT.  

Struggling with these along with a Mother that hurts him deeply like this (had ANOTHER child last November) makes even LIKING them, a real chore.  

I find it hard to be nice to them because they betray me and MY confidence when Mom DOES come around sniffing for love.  I am guarded with these two young men.