Bad situation

[Rknowlton]

Hello Im new here. I wish I would have found something helpful like this site 10 yrs ago when my ex-wife left me.

This is my situation.

About 10 years ago I came home from work early one day. My wife and kids were leaving with a (friend of mine, a man) she said she needed a little time to think and would be back in a week. I was stuned. I didnt know what was going on. She left with my 5 kids. It was 3 weeks befor I herd from her. She said that everything was fine and that she would be home soon. Then the phone calles started, every few day she would call telling me that everything was fine and not to worry or do anything. Especialy she didnt want me to cantact a lawyer! Which at that time was not on my mind anyway. This went on for 3 months. I never knew where her and the kids were. Then one day the police showed up at my house with paper work for a restraining order. I was so puzzled about this concidering her attitude on all of her phone calls. Well this ended the phone calls and started a money pit for me. When she left she cleaned out all of our bank accounts and even wrote 3k of bad checks which I foolishly made good so "she" wouldnt have any trouble.

But what happend next floord me. As soon as I got a lawyer and got visitation of my kids, my soon to be Ex filed charges of sexual abuse against me on 2 of my kids. I thought this would be over very quickly as that was a bunch of B_ but I was wrong. We went to court and the judge herd the evadance of 2 kids that were obviously tootered as to what to say and he threw the case out and warned my Ex not to pull that again and reinstated my visatation. But befor I got to see my kids on the first visit, my wife and her new DFS Appointed head hunter lawyer had me in court on anoth restreing order and had the first jude removed from the case. The figh went on for 2 years draining my money as the would pull me in court once or twice a month over nothing. All the time I never once got to see my kids. One of which was born after my Ex left. I didnt even know she was pregnant.

After the kids were practiced for 2 year in what to say incourt the case went back to court. IThe first trial ended in a miss trial then another year passed and back to court. I spent nearly $100,00.00 fighting this case and in the end I lost. I spent 1 year in county jail and have 2 felonys on my record. Oh there is much more that went on in the case but it realy dosnt matter in the end.
As soon as my case was over my wife took off with my kids. To where I never knew. untill I got a call from my oldest son. He called to apoligise to me. He was one of the 2 that testafied against me. He related to me what happend and how. He and his other brother sent me signed noterized statements that prove what I have always said (Im Not Guilty!!). They explained that their mom told them that if they said what she wanted it wouldnt hurt daddy but she would get more child suport and would help her take care of them better. And she did get a good child suport settelment (and me no visatation ever). They explaind that it took so long to go to court because they had to learn what to say perfectly. My Ex would take them to her friends homes and have the kids repeat their story for them, night after night for 2 then 3 years. One of my sons has been put in a mental instatuation because of the stress put on him from his mother from the case. He is better now and dosnt want to ever see her again. She kicked him out when he was 15 when he refused to go along with her about the abuse charge against me and started to tell the truth. But it was by then to late for me. But they also told me of the phyical and emotional abuse they underwent (which has been confermed by the police). My ex has turned to drugs and she and my kids live in a dump that most people wont even step foot in.

As it is now I cant ever get visitation with my record. I have had phone calls ( in secret) from all of my kids begging me to help them. I have called and met with DFS (Missouri) and the kids have told them of how their mother lets her boyfriend beat them and the drug use and that she even buys cigerets and alcahol for the older kids( 15 and 16) yrs old. And DFS will only send my Ex to counceling.
Does anyone know how I can get my record cleared since these kids have come forward now. Is their anything else that I can do to help my kids. Their phone call are tearing me apart hearing all they are going through............Any place would be better for them then with her under those conditions.

Randy
In Missouri

[MYSONSDAD]

This is total bullshit!

Post on Soc's board.

Will the kids come forward on your behalf?

[Rknowlton]

Not its not BS and yes they will and have on their own.
I figured that this would be the responce I would get. Why is it that no one seens to think that things like this happen.
I have been dealing with this for years now and i still get the same reaction from strangers. But I must tell you that I have not lost one freind and my family is still behind me. All of them know the situation and dont put me down for the charges. If your one of those that think that all will be fine if an acusation is made...... well that is not always the case.
I was looking for some one with insite as how to handel this. But all is get is a doubting thomas...

Oh well thats the way it goes I guess. No suport here either. Ill write again when I clear me name...soon I hope. We have a lawyer working on some angles.
My daughter called again tonigh. Noting wrong, Just wanted to talk. I have never seen her in person. Its hard but I must be alone in this situation Im in.

[nosonew]

SDS wasn't doubting you, he was saying it was total bs that this happened to you! Yes, MOST people can't believe this stuff happens, but it does, we see it, although yours is one of the worse stories I have read, in regards to the injustice and pain to you and your kids.  Hang tight, others will respond with help.  SOC board is the attorney board so ask him what you can do!

[MYSONSDAD]

You took what I said the wrong way. I did not know how to respond to what happened to you. I did not want to give the wrong advice. This is a question for Soc.

For your ex to do what she did is unthinkable and how she encouraged  the kids to help her. Having them speak on your behalf should help you get your name cleared.

I know too well about false allegations. I WAS trying to help put you in the right direction to try and clear this up. I am not an attorney, but wanted you to ask the one person who could give you some very good advise on how tp proceed.

There are many good folks here that will add more. Wish I had the answers to my problems too.

Good luck!

[janM]

DFS will not do much, obviously. The kids should call the police next time the boyfriend lays a hand on them or they witness drugs being used. If they find abuse they have to report it, and then DFS will have to act.

Unfortunately we hear this kind of thing all the time, but maybe not to the extent your kids have suffered (and you too).

Please keep coming here for support and keep us posted.

[Rknowlton]

I sorry

Im just very touchy about everything. Im so used to being "the bad guy"
That on the defensive too much. You are all so kind. I didnt know what SOC board was. I will see if I can get some advice their.

Thanks so much.

Missouri Dad

[MYSONSDAD]

I get touchy myself. Things are so one sided in the courts.

I can not imagine how you have kept your sanity. The fact that your kids will speak in your behalf should say a lot.

Hang in there. Ask Soc. He can give insight on things like this. When you get to the message boards, scroll down, Dear Socrateaser. Then post what has happened to you.

Please come back and ask questions. Keep us posted on what is going on. We are all facing situations in the family courts and there are a lot of suggestions and great advice. Read all you can in the archives.

P.S. I AM THE BAD GUY TOO

[Rknowlton]

Ok since you are all for real here I  ( a very sweet and special person) will let you in on a secret. In fact Im so excited about it. I and my new wife ( a very sweet and special person) met with all of my kids in person. We had a great time. My little girl that I have never known or even seen is a sweety. She held on to me all day and told everyone we saw (even strangers) that "this is my daddy!!!" It was a very special day. 3 of my other kids dont even rember me as they were very young when Ex took them and left. The 2 oldest boy have been in contact with me for about 3 years now both live outside of moms home and rearly see her. All of the young ones asked me if they could move in at my house. They didnt want to go back to mommys. The 2 youngest 10 and 13 cried when the had to go home. I shed a many tear myself. But what a great day.

 I think that things will turn around soon. It has been a long hard battle. The one thing I feel the worst about is that My Dad died 2 years ago without seeing his Grand kids again. He and my mom went to court to try to get grand parents wrights to see the kids but were turned down 3 times. Even when my father lost his leg due to diabetes and was near death, the judge refused to let him see the kids even with DFS present.
He (my dad) would have been so happy to have seen his grand kids again. I sure do miss him. He helped me get through the worst of all the garbage my ex through at me.

Ahh this feels good to get all of this out. Its hard to talk with others about this as they just dont have a clue.

Thanks so much.
If there is anything I can do to help anyone just let me know.

Missouri Dad

[MYSONSDAD]

I think your Dad sees everything and is smiling down on you.

She may have taken your kids for the first years of their lives, but you will be the one who will have a lifetime with them.

Someday she will look around and have no one there...