Please help us to get some answers

[littlebit2]

My husband has a 5 year old. She has only been in our life for 2 years now. (Not by his choice.) We have been married for 11 years.  We were seperated when they were together. At the time of meeting, the mother lived in another state. She went throught the state to find him knowing where he was all along. We went to court and child support was granted. We have gotten her and the kids to move here. She is a single mom of three only one is his. We have 2 ourselves. We were very supportive of anything that she did and we would watch her children when she needed us to. She had no problem letting us see the child. We had her most of the time.Then she got in a relationship with a man who is 20 something years older than she is. He was married and going through a divorce and has a teenage son. All of a sudden she is making demands on when he can have her and Im not allowed to watch her when he isn't home. (We used to be close She had no problem with me befor) My husband agreed with that so this man wouldn't watch her. He wanted to get set visitation (it wasnt set by court) so he made up some and they had it noterized. Her and the guy broke up and she was back to her normal self. Now she is back with him so to speak. SHe won't tell us for sure but she keeps on lying about it. My husband is concerned that with him coming in and out of the kids live what good is that. Not to mention that when she is around him (the other guy) she doesnt give the children the attention that they need. She said herself. If we ask the child herself if she had a good time with mommy she says that they didn't do anything. I feel and my husband feel that she isn't getting the attention she needs with or without the other guy around. The child always wants to come over and stay with us.  My husband was laid off and the child supprort was coming out of his check. He called to see what to do and they said that there was no case. SHe never filled the fiancial papers out and  I guess they dropped the case. He now has another job but it is paying less. He was told by the other state that in order for the case to be transfered she had to call. Remember, suposedly there is no case. She has a number to call but hasn't done it yet. He is still going to make a payment to her by money order. They are argueing all the time. I keep telling him that he needs to get a lawyer and get it strait. We can't afford one. I really think he has a good chance of getting joint custody. He already told her that he would not take her away. We are scared that she is going to move back to where she lived befor. We don't want that. We have fought too hard for that child to be near her father and I don't want them to lose that. Please help

[StPaulieGirl]

Hi, your post is a little hard on the eyes.  It helps to break it into paragraphs, especially since I suggest you post this over on Socrateaser's board.  He has a couple of rules for posting.  Post backround info, then number your questions.  He can give you the legal advice you need.  

We had her most of the time.Then she got in a relationship with a man who is 20 something years older than she is. He was married and going through a divorce and has a teenage son. All of a sudden she is making demands on when he can have her and Im not allowed to watch her when he isn't home. (We used to be close She had no problem with me befor) My husband agreed with that so this man wouldn't watch her. He wanted to get set visitation (it wasnt set by court) so he made up some and they had it noterized. Her and the guy broke up and she was back to her normal self. Now she is back with him so to speak. SHe won't tell us for sure but she keeps on lying about it.

[p]My husband is concerned that with him coming in and out of the kids live what good is that. Not to mention that when she is around him (the other guy) she doesnt give the children the attention that they need. She said herself. If we ask the child herself if she had a good time with mommy she says that they didn't do anything. I feel and my husband feel that she isn't getting the attention she needs with or without the other guy around.

[p]Imo, this guy sounds like bad news.  It sounds like you all were handling this pretty good, until this man entered the picture.  If possible, try and stay friendly with her.  Even better, hook her up with a nice guy.

[takingitallin]

your state for starters.  You may even want to sit in Probate Court for a morning or two to see and hear what goes on.  The more you can learn, the more you can do yourself and you will not need a lawyer.  A lawyer is the best route to go, but sometimes can be expensive.

What I would do is open a case with the Probate & Family Court in your area.  Take it upon yourselves to have the Child Support and Visitation Orders set in stone in this court.  At the same time, file a Motion that she can not move out of a certain amount of area from where she is.  (We have 20 mile radius from where XW currently is now, and not out of state.)  You should also file that your husband at least has Joint Legal Custody.  Physical Custody is hard to get - and can get expensive.  But start small and at least accomplish the above.

Again, I highly recommend you do your research in the court room and through case law on line.  

[tharper001]

First and foremost, even if you can't afford an attorney, you need to get this into court to get set visitation and child support.  Continue paying and keep copies of the money orders to prove this.  Set visitation is the only way to go.  It also prevents her (at least in most states) from moving out of state without the consent of all parties.  

You need to establish set visitation and custody rights to that child.  I would approach it from the standpoint that everything just needs to be finished, if there is in fact no case.

Review this site.  There is so much information on here... look during your every spare minute to get information related to your situation.  The message boards are great, but there are other great areas of this website also that can help you personally, from downloading forms to going directly to your state's statutes.

Good luck to you.  Since you have a good relationship generally, try talking to her... not pointing the finger.  Maybe you can get everything worked out.