Help. Please

[irod13150]

I was married to my now ex-wife for about five years.  We had three wonderful children together.  When I first got with my ex-wife we were still in high school together, I was only 17 years old.  My ex-wife got pregnant only a month after we started dating.  We were both young and did not realize the sacrifice and responsibility that came with bringing a new life into this world.  

I dropped out of high school so that I could start working to provide for our expected arrival.  My ex-wife also dropped out of high school to take care of our baby.  After about 3 months of being together my ex-wife started becoming extremely jealous of other women.  I never cheated on her and never gave her a reason to believe that I was cheating.  I did at times glance at a girl when they were walking by but that is as far as it ever went.  My ex-wife would start yelling and screaming at me for hours and would be angry with me for days at a time.  I would ask her why she was so angry with me and she would say it was due to depression from being pregnant.  

After the baby was born she became more aggressive with her jealousy and would accuse me of wanting to have sexual relations with other women.  I was not allowed to leave the home if she was not with me and was only allowed to go to work and back alone.  I was not allowed to go with friends anywhere also.  A few months after the baby was born we moved to another city so that I could start college.  I wanted to care for my child and provide for it as best as possible and thought that college was the best route for a beginning.

I continued to work while I went to school.  My ex-wife continued accusing me of wanting other women and screaming and yelling at me.  I was scared all the time that she was going to start screaming and yelling at me.  I was so afraid that an attractive woman would walk by and that she would start yelling and screaming at me.  My ex-wife started calling her ex-boyfriend in another state and ran up our phone bill sometimes up to five hundred dollars.  She also started yelling and screaming at me when I would get ready to go to school.  She said that I ruined her life and her chance to go to school because I joined the school that she wanted to go to.  Eventually I stopped going to school in fear that she was going to be upset with me if I went

My ex-wife got pregnant with our second baby and then our third.  After the second she got so mean that she started calling me racial names when she would start screaming at me.  She told me that I was ugly and that no other woman would ever want me.  She also
told me that the only reason she got with me was because she felt sorry for me.  She also started to call her ex-boyfriend more repeatedly by this time.  I asked her why she always
yelled and screamed at me and she would tell me it was due to post-partum depression.  By this time she was pregnant with a second child and later a third.

I loved my children so much and I loved her too and kept telling my self that the abuse would end someday and we could continue as a happy family.  It never stopped, it got so bad that I wanted to commit suicide at times because my heart and spirit was broken and I was so overwhelmed with depression.  I don't think that words could ever explain how horrible the abuse had become.  My ex-wife began yanking and pulling at my daughter hair and would hit her in front of me because she was my favorite and she knew this.  My daughter would cry and there was nothing I could do.  I didn't want to call the police on my own wife because I loved her and didn't want her to leave me.  Our other daughter she threw from across the room luckily she landed on the bed and unharmed.

I finally told her that I wanted a divorce.  I found a letter to her ex-boyfriend that was sexual in nature.  In the letter she was telling him how much she missed him and wanted to be with him sexually.  I was so hurt that I left the home.  I got with someone else and moved in with her.  After five years this was the first time I was ever with someone besides my wife.  I got with someone that was also in a bad relationship and we both moved out of state because her ex wanted to harm us.  

At first my ex-wife would allow me to speak to my children over the phone and to visit them.  A couple of months after I left the home her ex-boyfriend moved back in with her.  This was no surprise to me as I knew it was coming even before I left the marriage.  He did not approve of me calling and talking with my kids.  My ex-wife told me over the phone that he was now their dad and that my children are not allowed to refer to me as dad anymore.  My children are only allowed to call me biological father.  A month later she disconnected her phone and moved to a different address.  I have not seen or heard from my children in 3 years.  I miss them so much the pain in my heart is unbearable sometimes.  

I pay child support every month never missing a payment.  At first back child support accrued because I did not know that she had applied for it and I did not have a job.  After I got a job I started paying it and extra for the back child support never missing a payment since.  I've been paying faithfully now for three years.  I tried to get the child support to tell me where she was but they won't tell me saying that it is confidential.  Because she was out of state no one wanted to do the divorce because the state where my children resided in had jurisdiction over them.

I don't have the funds necessary to pay the high attorney costs.  After child support is paid from my pay check I barely have enough to pay rent, utilities and eat.  I tried to get
the free legal help in the state that she resides in but they wouldn't accept me saying that they only accept domestic abuse clients.  I finally got a divorce here after four years but it didn't include my children.  This was because they did not have jurisdiction over them.
   
here.  I love and miss my children so much.  No one wants to help me and I don't know where else to turn to.  All I have is the memory of my children left, I know that she probably has them convinced that I am not their father any more and that they don't love me anymore.    

I am so saddened every day that words can not explain it.  I feel that I am the victim of being poor.  Sometimes I don't think I will ever see them again.  I love them and miss them so much and pray every night that god let me be reunited with them one more time.  That I can be a dad to them and be an active part of their lives, but it never comes true.  I have cried for them almost every day since the last time we spoke.  

[KAT]

First you've got to find them. Since you have a state try looking up a numbers/addresses by using switchboard.com Use all the different names she could be using & also the boyfriends. Most states  have criminal records on line, check those as well. KnowX.com is also a good reasonable site, you might try that too. Also try just typing in the names in google search. If you know where your oldest attended school, they have a copy of the transfer so you can find out where the new school is. Follow the trail. By law they have to release the records to you. Hopefully this will show an address for them. If that fails, a private investigator could find them for you & it shouldn't be that expensive.
Once they are located you can then file yourself for custody & visitation.
This kind of crappola would stop if alienating the children also ment no support check rolling in.
Best of luck! We are here for ya!
KAT