non custodial wants summer visitation

[jalcees boy]

My Fiance went through a divorce 2 years ago.  At the time of the divorce his son was only 1 year old.   My Fiance was devastated that the divorce was preceding - and basically he was dumped on his butt without a penny (practically homeless).  During the divorce he was so hurt, he did not want summer visitation as he could not afford daycare or even had a place for his son to stay when his son came to visit.

Father (my fiance) came every other weekend and every other holiday for visitation of his son.  He has paid child support on time and is not a single month late.  His son adores his Daddy!

Life turned around for my Fiance- He is currently completing a college computer engineering degree, works for the State, we OWN a very nice home ( I am also a professinal so we are finacially comfortable) and planning on marrying next summer.  

In the initial divorce, it was so GENERIC that is did not state summer visitations ( All it did say is "that they did have JOINT CUSTODY and the mother was to allow "liberal visitation", which rarely happens).  The states 'standard visitation order' states that the non custodial parent shall have 8 weeks during the summer with the child.  Well, last November she verbally agreed, and again in March and April this year.  She even picked out the dates!  A week before the child was to come stay with us and after arranging for daycare several hours a week, she called and said visitation was not going to happen "I changed my mind".  The child's Father was heartbroken (we both were!).  And now, we are going to court to fight for visitation rights ie. summer visitation and other holiday visitation without having to ASK for permission.  

The ex is very manipulative and uses their son as a bargaining agent, making the Father feel even worse.  She constantly is telling the Father that he is screwing up their son and making things worse.  This is pure agony for the both of us! We both love his son very much, and we feel we provide a safe and caring enviornment for him.  We know there is no way in hell the courts would give us sole custody as she plays the game very well - she is truly not an honest or nice person

Can the courts deny us summer visitation since the intial divorce did not say specifics?  What power does the Father really have having joint custody with the mother having physical custody?

How can we protect ourselves and their son after she is served, after the court hearing and there on out as the relationship between Father and Mother is destroyed and hostile? I worry about my fiance going over to pick up his son............. Do we have any rights?? We feel so lost and helpless!

[Peanutsdad]

Your fella has no rights not secured by a court order. Those are the sad facts.

His only recourse since the cp thinks liberal visitation = zero,,, is to go back to court and file for a modification due to current orders being unworkable.



Tips For Getting Started
http://www.deltabravo.net/news/10-19-2000.htm

How To Hire An Attorney
http://www.deltabravo.net/custody/hiring.htm

Hiring An Effective Attorney
http://www.deltabravo.net/custody/effective.htm

Success Factors In Obtaining Custody
http://www.deltabravo.net/custody/tips.htm

http://www.deltabravo.net/custody/missed-visit.htm

Suggestions When Falsely Accused
http://www.deltabravo.net/custody/falseacc1.htm

Dealing With Threats Of False Allegations
http://www.deltabravo.net/custody/blackmail.htm


 http://www.deltabravo.net/custody/pplan3.htm

http://www.deltabravo.net/custody/pas-vassiliou.htm

http://www.deltabravo.net/custody/pas-gardner06.htm

http://www.deltabravo.net/custody/pas-navarre.htm

http://www.deltabravo.net/custody/pas-gardner01.htm

 THE SPECTRUM OF PARENTAL ALIENATION SYNDROME (PART I)
Parental Alienation Syndrome is a distinctive family response to divorce in which the child becomes aligned with one parent and preoccupied with unjustified and/or exaggerated denigration of the other target parent.
URL: http://www.deltabravo.net/custody/rand01.htm - size 40kb - 20 Oct 2003
12. Mediation And Parental Alienation Syndrome by Anita Vestal
This article looks at parental alienation syndrome (PAS), which is a complex manifestation of mental and emotional abuse resulting from conflicted parents fighting for custody.
URL: http://www.deltabravo.net/custody/pas-vestal.htm - size 52kb - 20 Oct 2003
13. Recommendations for Dealing with Parents Who Induce a Parental Alienation Syndrome in Their Children
PAS is commonly seen in highly contested child-custody disputes. The author has described three types: mild, moderate, and severe, each of which requires special approaches by both legal and mental health professionals.
URL: http://www.deltabravo.net/custody/pas-gardner02.htm - size 54kb - 20 Oct 2003
14. THE SPECTRUM OF PARENTAL ALIENATION SYNDROME (PART II)
Studies of target parents who are falsely accused of abuse report they tend to be less disturbed than their accusing counterparts.
URL: http://www.deltabravo.net/custody/rand12.htm - size 53kb - 20 Oct 2003
15. THE SPECTRUM OF PARENTAL ALIENATION SYNDROME (PART II)
Parental Alienation Syndrome is a distinctive family response to divorce in which the child becomes aligned with one parent and preoccupied with unjustified and/or exaggerated denigration of the other target parent.
URL: http://www.deltabravo.net/custody/rand11.htm - size 44kb - 20 Oct 2003
16. Parental Alienation Information Archive
All the information on the SPARC site regarding Parental Alienation has been consolidated on this central reference page.
URL: http://www.deltabravo.net/custody/pasarchive.htm - size 17kb - 20 Oct 2003
17. THE SPECTRUM OF PARENTAL ALIENATION SYNDROME (PART II) (cont.)
In the following case, the accused father was an officer in the military. Testimony on PAS by the defense expert provided the judge and jury with some alternative explanations as to the reasons the children accused their stepfather of abuse.
URL: http://www.deltabravo.net/custody/rand13.htm - size 31kb - 20 Oct 2003
18. THE SPECTRUM OF PARENTAL ALIENATION SYNDROME (PART I)
Parental Alienation Syndrome is a distinctive family response to divorce in which the child becomes aligned with one parent and preoccupied with unjustified and/or exaggerated denigration of the other target parent.
URL: http://www.deltabravo.net/custody/rand02.htm - size 44kb - 20 Oct 2003
19. Expanding the Parameters of PAS
The newness of the parental alienation syndrome (PAS) compels its redefinition and refinement as new cases are observed and the phenomenon becomes better understood.
URL: http://www.deltabravo.net/custody/pas-cartwright.htm - size 32kb - 20 Oct 2003
20. PAS: How to Detect It and What to Do About It
Although parental alienation syndrome (PAS) is a familiar term, there is still a great deal of confusion and unclarity about its nature, dimensions, and, therefore, its detection.
URL: http://www.deltabravo.net/custody/pas-walsh2.htm - size 24kb - 20 Oct 2003




One of the first things you'll hear around here is "Document, document, document!". Having good records is *crucial*. Get yourself either the Parenting Time Tracker (PTT) at: http://www.deltabravo.net/custody/tracker.htm or the OPTIMAL Custody Tracking service at: http://www.parentingtime.net. The PTT is good, but the OPTIMAL service is definitely better.

[Dianaji]

Hi,
my husband and I just had court last week on a similar issue.  He also did not have summer vacations with his son (now 5.5) in the divorce decree (his also just so generic!).  He tried to discuss and negoitate a summer plan since son started Kindergarten with the ex, but to no avail.

So, his lawyer did a modification for major vacations including summers.  A "modification" is to modify the original agreement.  We've done it once before to get more visitation and summers was not covered on that court day....
Anyway, in court he was given 3 separate one week vacation weeks, plus some weekends, the downside is that he lost his mid-week dinner with his son, which he had during the school year.  Both court dates, which included some mediation, cost us ~$4,000, not including other fees.  Mediation only helped to a small degree, then the judge made some fair decisions.

My thoughts to you as a stepmom and wife, be very supportive to never allow alienation between father and child...
hope you win!
Diane

[Bolivar OH]

Peanutsdad spelled out the process perfectly.  Now its your job to do the work.  I wish I would have had that info a few years ago.  I've read Peanutsdad story,, he knows the ropes.  Anything else I would say would be redundant.

Nice going Peanutsdad :)

[Ref]

It took about a year. You may not get what you want this year, but next year you should. DH sued for modification and contempt (other issues). He spent about $4,000 in legal and mediator fees. He went through all sorts of crap from ex (even more than usual). In the end, he gets to see SD 3 times as much as before WITHOUT having to hope he is catching ex in a generous mood.

To protect yourself during the process, have EVERYTHING in writing. Communicate as much as possible on paper delivered certified.

DH just had the modification done, so I can't tell you how it has affected the realtionship between him and his ex. It doesn't seem to have gotten worse AND there is little communication that needs to be done between the two of them. Seems good to me.

Definately do it. It is worth it to take the child out of the position of pawn.

[Dianaji]

thanks for your thoughts!  
Regarding your advise about having everything in writing... we've started do that with emails, is that ok? Since father asking for extra summer time, now she's charging him with Psychological abuse to take away father's custody  :-(
D