Visitation Schedule

[StepmomInSC]

Does anyone have any idea what the standard visitation schedule would be when living far apart.  NCP currently lives in Maine and I live in South Carolina. Last summer I was given custody of son and am getting ready to go back to court and I will be given custody of daughter both cases due to neglect.  Will my ex even be given visitation with the children or is that decision up to me.

I want to propose that I have them week before Christmas and we exchange on Christmas day for week after Christmas and get S&D back on New Year's day.
No spring break exchange due to closeness of christmas visitation and costs of travel for only a week .
Summer visitation starting two weeks after school lets out until two weeks before school begins.  I heard the standard is 1 week however I have two other children and would like to have at least 4 weeks of the summer for us to take a family vacation with all 4 children. This would give NCP 6 weeks of visitation with her two children.

Im worried about giving her visitation at all due to the history she has with the children.  However at the same time Im trying to not totally deprive them of their mother.  " Riding the white horse" as my lawyer says.

Any opinions and info on long distance visitation schedules would be greatly appreciated.  I have a great lawyer.  One of the best in SC but figure it never hurts to get a second opinion. :-)

thanks
Jim....husband of StepmomInSC

[Kitty C.]

Distance can be a problem and it's obvious that you are thinking seriously of the NCP's wishes, even tho you have serious doubts about her ability.  But one thing I do NOT recommend is exchanging the children on a holiday, especially on New Year's.  DS went to see his dad every summer and EO Christmas in CA (we're in IA).  He would leave one week after school was out and return one week before school started.

On the Christmas visitations, we constantly had to tweak with it.  There were a couple years that I had to take DS out of school one day early, because it was a cheaper flight.  There were a couple times that I had to miss a day from work and DS had to miss a day of school after New Year's because a snow storm prevented him from flying back on his scheduled day.  That was hectic enough, I'd hate to think what it would have been like if we'd have exchanged on the holidays.

Are you talking about meeting halfway or having the kids fly?  Because either way, I can guarantee you that traveling on BOTH holidays is going to get REALLY old REALLY quick.  Get out the school calendar and see what dates you have to work with first.  I really recommend a year on, year off schedule, but if you truely want to split each holiday period, then do the exchange in between Christmas and New Year's, then switch the next year.  Like if you have the kids from Dec. 19 thru Dec. 26, exchange on the 26th, then exchange again on the 3rd, then the next year she has them for the first part and you the second.  But just don't make those poor kids travel EVERY year on the holiday.  Don't make that a memory for them for the rest of their lives.

As for summer, I can understand your wanting to spend time for a vacation as well, but you need to think of the kids first.  DS's dad died 2 years ago to cancer.  Last year was the FIRST year in 10 that I was able to spend 4th of July with him.  The first year he was able to go camping with us longer than a weekend.  The first year he was able to do MANY things here.  He never got to play ball or go to Cub Scout camp.  He did this for TEN years.  But when asked if he had to do it all over again, to have to opportunity to do all those things instead of seeing his dad, he said it was a no-brainer, he'd take his dad EVERY time.

We've learned the hard way that life is precious and short.  I've come to realize that regardless of how I felt about DS's dad and his parenting capabilities, it didn't change the fact that DS loved him almost more than life itself.  And that he got to spend precious little time with his dad.  

You mention neglect and I understand your concern, really I do.  I think as for extended time, you might want to consider a graduated extention of time during the summer.  I would also demand she take parenting classes and that she be periodically followed up 'at random' by social services to make sure she's doing everything right, at her cost.  You can also make these suggestions as conditions for extending the visitation time.  You have a fine line to walk, between allowing the children as much access to their mother as possible, but at the same time ensuring for their safety.

[Ref]

Every other

Spring break
Fall Break
Halloween (if not included in fall break)
Easter (if not included in Spring break)
Thanksgiving
Birthday (child)
Labor Day
MLK, Jr day
Memorial Day

Half of Xmas break (alternating who gets SD of Xmas and who gets her for New Years)

All summer but the first 2 weeks and the last week. (that gives us 8.5 weeks)

Any other weekend DH travels to the area with 7 days notice.

We live in PA and ex lives in FL.

Have you asked the courts for drug tests? Maybe you can set up visitation so that it is contingent on a clear urine.

Good Luck!

[StepmomInSC]

thanks for the schedule.  Ex isnt going to want to do all those holidays I know.  She will never have enough money to do them.
the schedule right now as per the divorce is spring break half the summer and half of christmas.  We just want to try and make it something more definite and a little more workable for everyone involved.  Nothing is very detailed in divorce and lawyer has suggested that we come up with something more detailed when we go to court to decide who gets custody of my daughter.
As far as drug tests...not sure where you go that.  The neglect charges are not drug related with my ex.  They are because my 5 yr old daughter has epilepsy and the mother isnt getting her adequate care.

[StepmomInSC]

Thanks for all your insight and info.  You've made me think differently about a few things.  Right now everything is up in the air.  I have custody of my 11 yr old son but we are still waiting for the final reports from the guardian about custody of my 5 yr old daughter.  It looks like we will be getting her too. :-) Right now the mother is doing everything in her power to keep her in Maine for the summer instead of letting me have my visitation.  Daughter has epilepsy and mother has greatly exaggerated her condition.  She has enrolled her in a camp for special ed children to keep her in Maine for the summer.  Its only 4 hrs every Tuesday for 6 weeks.  We are waiting for the guardian ad litem to decide whether this is a legitimate enough reason for us not to get visitation or if ex will be forced to bring me my daughter for the visitation and we get her therapy down here.  Guardian had already sent a letter to both of us weeks ago stating that she felt there was no reason daughter's therapy could not take place in SC during visitation.  Ex refuses to come meet me or to allow me to come get daughter for the visitation so its just sit and wait for the guardian to make a decision on what we can do.  Our choices are an Emergency Change of Custody Hearing or a hearing to get an order to make her bring daughter to SC for visitation.  Depends on which the guardian will back.  Lawyers feels 95% positive that the guardian is on our side.  Heck our lawyer is who got to pick the guardian. Im assuming that wasnt a bad sign.

im just ready for all this to be over so we can all get on with our lives and my children with my ex and my children with my current wife can be a family.  My son with my ex I have had for a year now.  He has not seen his sister since I picked him up in Maine last summer.  I have to deal with everyday him wondering if he will ever get to see his little sister  again.  Im also having to deal with my 4 yr old daughter with my current wife asking me every morning if this is the day she gets to see her sister.  Ex refused to meet me or to let me bring her son for the summer visitation also.  She says she knows he doesnt really want to come see her so she isnt going to make him.  

Its all a big mess and sometimes I wonder if anyone really sees this.  The guardian is great and I feel like she is on our side but at the same time she doesnt seem to be in any big hurry to do anything.

sorry this is so long I just need to get this out and wonder how many other people have these problems.

[Ref]

"Riding the white horse" is a term that can mean being high on heroin. I guess I had hard drugs on the mind.


Sorry

[StepmomInSC]

lol its ok.  I realized that after thinking about it.  Its a term our lawyer first used when we started this whole custody battle.  It was his way of telling us to do nothing wrong mean vindictive or anything like that.  Do everything possible to make us look good.  Thank god that hasnt been too hard.  Ex has pretty much made it easy as heck for us to look better than her.