First supervised visit weekend-didn't go well.

[tulip]

Friday night, bm went to ER to take drug test, because dh told her that the kids couldn't go Sat without that being done. Sat night, ss was VERY upset when they came home. He was lashing out at me. After talking to him for a while, figured out it was because bm had told him a secret, and this was weighing very heavy on him. The secret was about something that was none of dh's business, but because we have talked to him a lot about this lately, it was hard to deal with for him. Then after he got it out, he started crying again and said that bm told she would beat him if he told dh! This is why she is supposed to be supervised right? So she can't say things like that to them. But during her "supervised" visit, she took them shopping alone, and drove about 60 miles rt to take them to a party.

Today is Monday. DH called and  left her a message this am that he wanted the signed release from the hospital where she went for her ua, and he wanted her to take another test today. She called back this afternoon and said that she did not sign a release, but she got the test results. Guess what? Positive for meth! She is trying to say this she has been off it for over 20 days, and it stays in your system for 30 days if you are a chronic user. She's pissed because the results she got do not show specific levels, and she thinks it is only a trace. Also, she says he cannot call her 2 hrs before she has to go to work and tell her she has to take a test. She wants a schedule!

[hisliltulip]

Ok, know this is new and all, but WHY did your DH let those kids go over there without the results from the test?

And who the heck is supervising where she gets to drive the kids around and threaten to beat them???

This seriously needs some fine tuning.

[hagatha]

Doesn't she have to be drug free before she can see the kids???

I'm thinking she must show the test results at the pick up and the test must be no more than 3 days. So her "schedule" would be drug testing every (other) Tues for the results to be ready for her by Fri. Then of course if she tests positive, she forfits the visit.

And her visits are to be supervised, right?? Did the court appoint someone or was that someone you agreed on after the order was written.  If it was an agreement, you need to find someone that will NOT allow her to go shopping or partying alone with the kids. If it was someone the court appointed I would be asking the court to reconsider this person as they have also shown a disregard for the CO.

The Witch



Remember . . . KARMA is a Wonderful Thing!!!!!

[tulip]

We haven't gotten a copy of the court order yet, but what was said in court, if I remember right, is that her contact with the kids is conditional upon her passing random drug tests and providing dh with the results. As for the supervisor, the judge said it would have to be an adult that they both agree upon.

DH and I were fighting about this all weekend. He let them go Sat because he didn't want to disappoint the kids. He gave her the benefit of the doubt because she did go in for the test. I don't think he will do that again. I tried to tell him that she shouldn't be able to drive them out there by herself. As for the party, it was a kid's birthday party and dh knows the parents and completely trusts them, that's why he said it was ok to go there. I didn't think he should let them go, because it was already clear to us that she was lying about a lot of stuff, and changing their plans at the last minute.

I don't think dh intends to let the kids go visit her again, I don't know about phone contact. The next scheduled visit is not for two weeks, so she may produce clean test results before then. I don't know if that's enough. She has just proven that she's still lying and doesn't intend to stay clean.

[nosonew]

Awwww Tulip, those poor kids.  I don't have any advice for you, and I KNOW it is hard when your dh makes decisions you question because he thinks he is doing what is best for the kids.... my DH would have done the exact same thing, and I would have been nagging all the way...I sooo understand.

It is a tough call, but I am sure he will not allow it again, without a clean test...

Hugs

[lucky]

I WAS wondering the same things!  She needs to be supervised by someone that you guys trust COMPLETELY! and not someone she finagles your dh into agreeing to.  

Disappointing the kids is far less of a mental/emotional/possible physical injury than what their mother is doing to them.  They know Mom is an addict and even if they're too young to understand now, they will down the road.

Give them all an extra hug from me, will ya?

I remember the hell living with osd when she was using....  I can't imagine it with one of the exes or with my mom.