And now I have to deal with MY ex again.

[tulip]

He "popped" back into my daughter's life after not hearing from him in 3 months, and another 3 months before that. He called the week before the 4th of July and asked if he could "see her this weekend." I asked him what he had in mind, and he said he wanted to pick her up Friday and bring her back Monday morning. I don't think so.
We got into quite an argument about what a sorry excuse for a father I think he is, and I finally told him he could see her on Sat, for the day. I don't even know where he lives! When he brought her back he told her, "I'll see you in two weeks." He didn't even ask me if he could see her in two weeks.

[Stepmom0418]

Is there a court order?

[tulip]

Nope. We weren't married, and he never took me to court to establish visitation rights. In the past, I have let him see my daughter whenever he wants, but I'm really sick of him always hurting her by disappearing.

[Stepmom0418]

Ok how old is the child? Does he pay child support? What is the reason that he comes and goes. I know that a child does get hurt when one parent comes and goes like that but I just wonder how the child feels? Does she enjoy visits with her dad? Is there other members of dads family that are involved in the childs life? I am trying to gather some more information so that hopefully others can help you with your questions or at least offer some advice.

[tulip]

He does pay child support when he's working. My daughter is 6. She loves her dad and always wants to go see him. She misses him a lot when he's gone. The rest of his family is not any more present than he is. The reason he comes and goes so much is he is an alcoholic that can't run his life. When he has a girlfriend that takes care of him, he tries to be a part of daughter's life too. When they break up, and his life starts to fall apart again, he disappears for months or more.

[Stepmom0418]

I can understand your concern about the hurt he causes when he dissapears out of the childs life. I would suggest trying to talk to him about this, of course when he is sober. It sounds like the child needs and wants this relationship with her dad. I want to tell you a little about me and my life as a child. I never met or seen my dad untill I was age 14. As a girl not knowing her father I was lost. Never knew where I came from and it bothered me a great deal. I did meet my dad at 14. My dad too was an alcoholic. He came into my life suddenly and has came and gone as he please since that day. Yes, it hurt to see him go but it was worse when I didnt even know who he was. It was like there was a part of me missing all of my childhood. My mother was alot at fault as to why I never knew my dad because she never bothered to tell him that I was born. I grew also of resentment toward my mother over the years when I was a child because she never thought of me when she interfered with my father and I's relationship. I have since worked through these feelings towards my mother but to think back it still bothers me alot and affected my life alot. I suggest you think everything through before you act and make a decision that you may regret later. If my mother would have encouraged the relationship with me and my dad and then been there for me when he did go away I may not have had such hard feelings for her throughout my childhood. In fact when my dad used to go away I used to blame my mom for him leaving because she never wanted me to have a relationship with him before and I felt that she was telling him to go away. The main thing I can tell you is that you have to be strong and be there for the child when and if he does go away. Also maybe talk to her about alcoholic's and why they do the things they do. Maybe even a suppot group of some kind could help. I know that there is a group for children of alcoholic's but I dont know the name of it. I hope that this helps you.