Our lovely weekend with SS and dealing with BM!!!!!!

[Stepmom0418]

We had visitation this weekend with SS. It went very well. Although DH and  I were  a little upset by a few things that took place. First of all BM has not been following the CO in regards to transportation. Well that was a hassle because DH refused to provide all the transportation. Well in turn during a phone conversation BM's boyfriend gets on the phone and begs DH to provide the transportation. DH said no we are going to follow the CO. Well then the boy friends mother gets on the phone and starts screaming and yelling at DH telling him that he is the father and he should provide the transportation. ( For those of you that dont know the situation.... Temp order says DH picks up at BM's on Friday and BM picks up on Sunday at our home. But we have a mediation order that has not been signed by the judge but it was agreed that it was effective the day of mediation.... It says there is a neutral pick up drop off point, that is very specific as to where, and gives times. So either was DH does not go to BM's on Sunday to drop of SS.) Anyways the end of the conversation with DH and BF's mom ended when BF said just F***ing hang up onm him and she did. Later there was a message on the voice mail from BM stating she would meet us at "another town" at the "station." (not the town in the order and we would provide 3/4 of the transportation.) DH did not return her call till the next day and at that time she agreed to meet at the neutal drop off point. Anyways that was our transportation issue.

SS told us that BM's BF does not want him and will not let him stay at dads longer than the weekend even though BM and SS dont have a problem with it. BM is obviously intimidated by her BF and always says no to SS about staying here longer.

SS also told us that BM's BF told him dad dont have his job anymore! (Thats a bunch of s***)  

Another issue we had was that BM sends filthy clothes with SS. If they are not stained or filthy they are ripped. Only 1 pair of filthy socks that are full of holes. My DH pays CS and SS has no clothes! We have started to buy clothes and keep them here for SS. But what about at home the kid has to run around looking like hell?

Ok thats enough of me venting! Any advice or words of wisdom would be great!

[wendl]

hmm sounds oh so familar with out the boyfriend part.

Don't worry what the kids wear at moms house, it is a reflection on her.  My stepkids come to our house in clothing like yours, we purchase clothes at the thirft store that are nice, I even got oss 6 pairs of pants for  school for bms, won't be doing that again, cuz once you start they expect it, that is part of what cs is for.

We provide for things while skds are with us, and the things stay at our house.

:)

**These are my opinions, they are not legal advice**

[Stepmom0418]

Thanks I knew we werent the only ones out there dealing with this but it sure does make my DH mad to see SS run around looking like hell. We too made the mistake and went out and bought a bunch of clothes for SS at a thrift shop. Then SS said that he had no clothes at home so my DH let him take the clothes home. (real nice clothes Brand name and ect.) Well we never seen the clothes again. Everytime he comes here he has the exact same clothes in his bag and never any that we bought him. Now SS is saying he needs shoes and socks. (we think BM told him to say this but not sure) Anyways now BM is saying he needs school clothes. SS loves the clothes we got here for him and just dont understand why he cant take them to BM's. We dont go into details we just say "well somethings have to stay at dads house just like somethings have to stay at BM's house"

It sucks but we deal with it! LOL!

[tulip]

Yes, most of us have this issue with clothes. BM of my skids hardly ever bought them any new clothes, and when she did, they weren't allowed to wear them over here. It's too bad, I hate to have to tell the kids they can't take the nice clothes with so they can wear them to school and stuff, but they would disappear, or get ruined. I did buy them clothes at used clothing store that would be okay to take to bm's rather than send them back in clothes that don't fit.

I would just be honest. I told them that they couldn't wear these clothes back to bm's because they didn't always bring them back, and we can't afford to keep  buying them new clothes every time they come back.

[wendl]

We tell the kids that mom works and daddy gives mom money every month for them,  so she can buy clothes at her house and dad works so he buys clothes for his house.

You know what is funny whenever they are here they never say well at home, they always say "well at moms house all my pants have holes" I wondre how they refere to our house while at moms


**These are my opinions, they are not legal advice**

[smtotwo]

When we finally started getting parenting time, the skids ALWAY and still do come to our house in dirty clothes with holey socks, too small shoes the whole nine yards.   Even when we get them directly from school!!

We started, about 3 yrs ago, buying them clothes to keep here.  On the up-side I have a bio 12 yr old son, and my 10 yr old ss LOVES ds's clothes, so when ds grows out ss grows in!!

And we told them the truth also, Dad send mom money for the things they need at her house, we buy the things they need at our house.

Our most recent problem is that psychomommy refuses to send 10 yr olds nasal spray for bedwetting.  She thinks she punishing us, but we've been washing his sheets and blankets for 3 yrs.  He's the one who really suffers because now when he's here he has to wear good nights, he HATES them!!

But we try to keep our opinions of psychomommy to ourselves.  I must say I can't believe I still have the tip of my tongue for biting it soo hard.


Just buy the clothes and keep them at your house!!   I love Once-upon-a-child.  I think they have a website see if theres one near you.  
Gently used, brand name kids clothes.

[Stepmom0418]

UPDATE:
I talked to my DH's attorney this morning and she said we did the correct thing by not giving in to BM about the transportation issue.

The attorney also stated that BM is just testing us to see how much she can get out of us. The attorney also stated that DH needs to keep doing what he is doing and follow the CO and make BM follow it too.

His attorney also said that if BM does deny visitation in 2 weeks (as we suspect due to previous denial of visitation when things didnt go her way) we will file contempt and ask the court to sanction her.

The last thing she said was that if the signed mediation order was not at her office by the end of this week she will be making a trip to BM's attorneys office to get it. She sent it to BM's attorney 2 weeks ago and has not recieved it back yet. She says this is way to long and there is no excuss for it!

A question for you all,   Does anyone know what may or may not happen if BM and her attorney do not sign the mediation order? We came to an agreement in mediation but BM didnt show up in person. She was at mediation via the telephone and the mediator asked her permission to allow her attorney to sign all papers on her behalf. Her attorney was present.

[Kitty C.]

Did she give permission for her atty. to sign then?  If she did, and the atty. hasn't signed, what was said in court, that the mediation agreement would take over as an order?  If you have anything from the court or the judge said that it would be an order upon signature, and the atty. refuses to sign, you will have to petition the court to force the signing.  Judges especially don't like 'officers of the court' going against what they've ordered.

[Stepmom0418]

She gave her permission in mediation for her attorney to sign the papers or agreement made that day. DH's attorney then had to type up a new "order" then she sent it off to BM's attorney to get signed. (about 10 miles away) During mediation the mediatior gave us all a quick written summary of what was agreed on. Signed by BM's attorney and DH's attorney as well as DH and then BM's attorney signed for BM. (Hope that makes sense) But this has not been signed by a judge. DH's attorney did file something with the court to let them know that there was an agreement made in mediation but there still is no "order" to show the judge or give the judge, except the hand written one that the mediator gave to us.

[rainbow1]

Document everything! Record all phone calls if it's legal in your state. Take photos(digitally dated) of condition of child is delivered in.