Just in from Cathy Young: "The other aggressor in domestic violence"

[Brent]

> I had a thought about this whole DV mess. I wonder...(and
> yes, flame away) what would happen if in each act of DV,
> the victim was allowed one good, solid punch to the face of
> their abuser.

I think this is a terrible idea and I fail to see how this would do anyone any good, especially in the long-term. Violence against another person is wrong. Suggesting a court sanction it is just as wrong, if not more so.

If you like the idea of court-ordered violence, there are lots of countries in the Middle East where you'd feel right at home. If that's your idea of justice, by all means, move to Saudi Arabia, Iran, Iraq, or Afghanistan. Steal an apple, lose a hand. Curse someone, have your tongue pulled out.

Send us a postcard and let us know how wonderful it is.

[Peanutsdad]

I can gauruntee I would have been arrested,, in fact, the officers that responded, flat told me,, one mark on her, I WAS goin to jail,, REGARDLESS of the marks on me.

I have NEVER in my life stood and just took a beating,, until that day. I never will again.

[Peanutsdad]

Hmmm no court sanctioned bop in the nose, but hey, lets court sanction the taking of life..

Just a point. I bet if this country got a tad tougher on criminals,, ie castration for violent rape, child rape. Or removal of the hand for armed robbery,, care to bet repeat offenders would not really exist??

I deal with the wreckage left by criminals EVERY night at work. I see the results of being soft on crime in every victims eyes, provided they survive, and in the eyes of their families. You keep right on posting about boppin bein court sanctioned folks. Afterall, compared to other decisions in family courts,, a bop in the nose is pretty JUST.

[Indigo Mom]

Like you've never thought of socking someone in the jaw.

Yep, and I'm the Queen of England.

[Indigo Mom]

As I'm calling a truce.  

I just don't know how to delete my "bite me".

[Brent]

> I see the results of being soft on crime in every victims
> eyes, provided they survive, and in the eyes of their
> families. You keep right on posting about boppin bein
> court sanctioned folks.

Actually, I'm a big fan of the death penalty. I just wish it was applied more often, and without the 20 years of appeals that always occur. But having a court give one party permission to "bop" another party is a slipperly slope.

[Brent]

> As I'm calling a truce.
>
> I just don't know how to delete my "bite me".

As near as I can tell, we can't delete our posts. We ca,edit them, so if you want you can remove all the text and just leave a period or two behind as a place holder (it won't let you make a completely blank post).

[hisliltulip]

I disagree with the "bopping".  Here's why....

When my DH found out (within six months of marrying her) that Psycho was sleeping with a drug dealer, he was understandably upset and started calling her some pretty crude names.  She leapt at him with a knife, cut his arm, threw a TV at his head, and punched him repeatedly.  To the point of breaking one of his teeth.  From the impact of that punch, his tooth got knocked to the back of his throat, and he started gagging on it.  She didn't let up, even though he couldn't breathe.  At this point he finally punched her back, which resulted in a black eye.

Guess who went to jail?

My husband did.  

He has an incredible amount of remorse to what happened that night.  Because of it, it was very difficult for him to let us get serious, because he was afraid of hurting me.  He has never hit a woman besides this one time in his life.  (Yes, I know for a fact because I have known him since high school and am very close with his first wife.)

On the other hand, Psycho (wife #2) takes no responsibility for her actions, and portrays him as an "abuser" to anyone who will listen.

So, by your rule, since HE was the one who was arrested, then she should have been given the option to "bop" him in court.  She'd already been hitting, kicking, throwing things for years.  I don't think she needed a Judge telling her any more than they already did that her actions were acceptable.

[NoNicky]

I think you got to the heart of the issue there.  Bruises heal, broken bones mend, usually much quicker than the heart and spirit of a person.  That is why my signature is a scripture.  It is a daily reminder to me that I do not have to live in that terror ever again.  I do not have to feel like I am worthless ever again.  And it does go for either sex.  My loving dh was abused mentally, emotionally and even had a punch or two thrown at him by his ex.  Like me he took it all without striking back.  I still see the fear and hurt from what she did in him.  It's really rather ironic.  Each of us can see the damage our ex's inflicted on the other but each also has trouble seeing it ourselves.  We think we're past it and it is long gone; but every once in a while there is a trigger, something that causes that fear, that palpable terror to raise it's ugly head again.  We don't always notice it but the other does.  Sometimes I think it takes someone who has lived through those things to spot them in another person.  But then again all of this is purely my personal opinion.

Nicky

For God has not given a spirit of fear; but of power and of love and of a sound mind.  1 Peter 1:6

[StPaulieGirl]

It's hard to trust in God.  I'm trying to work my way back, but I think I will always hold this resentment(however wrong it is), that God didn't protect us.  Some of the platitudes I've heard, are that God doesn't give us more than we can handle;  there is a reason for everything, etc, ad nauseum.  There are things that happened in my marriage that will never be discussed in public.  The whole experience has made me pretty fierce when it comes to defending innocent people, especially children.  I don't believe that God created us just to have us end up as roadkill.  I just want to know when God will straighten this whole mess out.

That 24/7 flight or fight response will screw up your heart.  I finally went to the doctor (county health dept....at least I qualify for MediCal), and they put me on Prozac and stern warnings about stressful situations.  On my initial visit, my resting pulse rate was 123.  This isn't just about my ex's shenanigans.  Just too much stuff happened, and I got buried.  If I could give you and your husband any advice, it would be to try and get your heart and blood pressure checked regularly.  Gardening is helping me, except that the neighbor from hell comes out and glares at us whenever we step foot out of the house.  She's the biggest and last reason that I got sick.  Gardening is wonderful for therapy, though.

I share your opinions....